Coital anxiety?

[Flavio]

Does anyone else here suffer or has suffered from coital anxiety (i.e. losing your erection just before penetration)?

If you have, what did you do about it and how did you overcome this?

Most, if not all men are obsessed with performance, I can't believe I'm the only one here that has dealt with this.

I've already told you my story, my regimen (Cialis + oral phentolamine) and psychological techniques, I'd love to hear yours as well.

[Lost Sheep]

Does anyone else here suffer or has suffered from coital anxiety (i.e. losing your erection just before penetration)?

If you have, what did you do about it and how did you overcome this?

I dealt with performance anxiety for quite a while before I finally accepted that my penis was not a reliable teammate for sexual activities. Then I enlisted other body parts to join the "team" for sex. That improved things quite a bit. So, becoming skilled at cunnilingus proved functional and increasingly effective. Now that I am implanted I have not given up the practice, as my girlfriend requires a bit more "warming up" to produce enough vaginal lubrication for optimal sex (women in their 20s are quite a bit wetter than women in their '70s - at least until they have had an orgasm or two).

Most, if not all men are obsessed with performance, I can't believe I'm the only one here that has dealt with this.

Over the years, I became a lot more obsessed with HER orgasms than my own. Mine were easy, and therefore, cheap. Hers were elusive and exquisite. And rare.

Even as my erections became rarer, I decided not to obsess over their non-participation. That decision was incredibly freeing.

I glory in making the effort to ensure she is not left "high and dry" (aroused, wanting and frustrated). I did enough of that during my decades of slowly progressing and unrecognized E.D. (I owe a LOT of orgasms to my past lovers. I am endeavoring to redeem that deficit now, with my girlfriend as proxy for those wonderful, kind women from my past.)

I've already told you my story, my regimen (Cialis + oral phentolamine) and psychological techniques, I'd love to hear yours as well.

Even after I am implanted, I have some degree of leftover performance anxiety. Immediately after implant I was unsure if I could remember how to HAVE sex coitally, or if my implanted penis would require a different technique. I was unsure for over a year, if I could REALLY rely on my (implanted) penis. I knew intellectually, but there was this ingrained voice threatening that the erection could collapse at any time. Now, the echoes of my 3 decades of declining performance are slowly dissipating (with the encouragement of my wonderful girlfriend and lover). Confidence that I am a sexually potent man and sexually desirable is as elusive as my past lovers' orgasms.

Your psychological techniques would be of interest to many other men besides me. {hint}

Thanks for posting this question. The site deals with mechanical and medical techniques mostly. Less so with the mental effects of E.D. on men and their partners. Hardly at all with techniques for improving performance aside from the mechanical and medical solutions.

[tomas1]

I've never told this to anyone.
I never had problems having paid sex with women in Korea when I was 18 and 19.

I got out of the army and my ex-girlfriend fell into my lap when I was 21.
We hadn't had sex when we were younger (me 17 and she 15).

She had just come off an at least a 3 year relationship with a guy who bragged about their sexual encounters and claimed to be multi-orgasmic.

My girlfriend was very reluctant to start another sexual relationship, but I knew she loved me but didn't want to be burned again.
The other guy cheated on her and she dropped him on the spot, and through a third party arranged a date with me.

She was actually the only woman I'd ever loved and she seemed quite interested in me.
We ended up doing pretty heavy petting (I guess that's what it was called back then) but no sex.
Eventually, I decided to dial things back and told her that I couldn't keep doing that and knew she was experienced.

Things were different on 1960. We started having sex every night, but lived apart. I suffered from severe PE but she could even reach orgasm with external stimulation. Our situation didn't seem to concern her but I wondered if it mattered to her.

After 4 months of being together we married and magically the PE disappeared.
We've never talked about all that. I know there's a mental aspect to PE, but we are all probably different.

Now that we're old and I'm sure we've always been faithful to each other (it's not easy to accomplish that), sex is still satisfying for her, but with the implant and old age, I find it difficult to reach orgasm, but we have plenty of time for that to resolve itself.

Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to put all this on the record.

[Lost Sheep]

Tomas1,

Thanks for sharing. That is a touching and inspiring story. On several counts. Both of you are very fortunate.

Bless you both.

[Flavio]

[...] Even after I am implanted, I have some degree of leftover performance anxiety. [...]

Amazing testimonies guys, thank you for sharing your experiences.

I know nothing about implants, can performance anxiety interfere with an erection in these cases?

[Flavio]

[...] Your psychological techniques would be of interest to many other men besides me. [...]

I suffer from OCD and some of my techniques may seem silly or absurd to most guys.

One of my techniques is called the sabbatical: whenever I fail and can't get it up (yes, it does happen every now and then and that's not ED), I just give it a break and have no sex for a long period of time (a few weeks or maybe even months). This allows me to relax, clear my mind and forget that negative experience.

Technique #2 is research, lots and lots of research. Knowledge is power and the more you know about ED, the less stressful it will be. Moreover there is A LOT of misinformation on this subject (e.g. most men still believe that ED is not really a health problem and it's all in your head) and we have to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff.

[ed_ten_72]

I don't know if this helps. Current world population is around 7.7 bil. I don't think that there's statistically any decent chance for you to have any sort of deviation that isn't present in at least couple of thousands humans.

[Lost Sheep]

[...] Even after I am implanted, I have some degree of leftover performance anxiety. [...]

Amazing testimonies guys, thank you for sharing your experiences.

I know nothing about implants, can performance anxiety interfere with an erection in these cases?

No, the erection after implant is the result of mechanical action (hydraulic, actually) of the implant and does not depend on a man's state of arousal. Or, indeed, even state of consciousness.

Knowing that is easy. Teaching that to my subconscious mind is taking longer. But the "lab sessions" with my girlfriend are a lot more fun than chemistry class every was.