Decided against implant - well wife did

[ViaSwiss]

I was all set to go to Karpman or to have local Dr. Polifrone do my implant. Didn't really care which device. My only concern was needing multiple revisions as I am only 32. My insurance sucks so I was all set to pay out of pocket and just put on a low/no interest credit card.

My wife initially said she doesnt like the idea of it but it was my body my decision. Once she found out it was $20k she started to really not like the idea of it. She said she doesn't really care if we rarely have sex or if I fail when we do. Its not personal to her. Her sex drive is typically moderate to high, but we just had a baby so its been very low and have not had sex in 7 months.

Anyways, for that reason I have gone from scheduling an appointment to deciding not to. I have a feeling in about 4-5 years if there is no breakthrough (and fund are saved up) I will be right back to square 1.

I think I read through almost every single thread in this forum to prepare myself. I actually became pretty excited to have a normal sex life again. So its a bit disappointing to go back to life with ED going forward. My wife doesn't understand the mental effect, nor have I explained how it affects me. She thinks its just a "macho thing". The real problem is $20k just to then go and spend $3-7k more in 5-10 years for a revision.

I'll still check out this forum and thanks to those who continue to update us.

[Lost Sheep]

I was all set to go to Karpman or to have local Dr. Polifrone do my implant. Didn't really care which device. My only concern was needing multiple revisions as I am only 32. My insurance sucks so I was all set to pay out of pocket and just put on a low/no interest credit card.

My wife initially said she doesnt like the idea of it but it was my body my decision. Once she found out it was $20k she started to really not like the idea of it. She said she doesn't really care if we rarely have sex or if I fail when we do. Its not personal to her. Her sex drive is typically moderate to high, but we just had a baby so its been very low and have not had sex in 7 months.

Anyways, for that reason I have gone from scheduling an appointment to deciding not to. I have a feeling in about 4-5 years if there is no breakthrough (and fund are saved up) I will be right back to square 1.

I think I read through almost every single thread in this forum to prepare myself. I actually became pretty excited to have a normal sex life again. So its a bit disappointing to go back to life with ED going forward. My wife doesn't understand the mental effect, nor have I explained how it affects me. She thinks its just a "macho thing". The real problem is $20k just to then go and spend $3-7k more in 5-10 years for a revision.

I'll still check out this forum and thanks to those who continue to update us.

ViaSwiss,

I completely understand (at least, I think I do) most of your situation. A new baby can be an expensive undertaking and a new mother is driven to ensure adequate support for her family (you are included, but right now likely to take a back seat to your child). That you are willing to accede to her desire to protect your baby from emergent conditions shows her that you are a good papa. Congratulations.

I urge you to continue on this forum. And share (occasionally, and do not pester) information you find here and in your continuing research/education.

Also remember always, there is more to good sex than penis-in-vagina. Learn all you can about that, as well.

I delayed 14 months from the time I first could have had an implant until I settled on a surgeon and actually got my implant. I am happy I did. I found a surgeon who shared my medical philosophy. But more importantly, I was educated as to what to expect (and what not to expect) from an implant. You should seek out all the medical journal articles and information shared here to educate yourself (and your wife). Also, by waiting a few years you might benefit from new research. There may be treatments (stem cell research is promising) or devices (a memory-shape metal one-piece implant that works as well as the three-piece inflatables is in animal testing now) superior to what is available. Perhaps even a cure for whatever the cause is of your E.D.

In the meantime, you can still try less-invasive treatments.

So, I urge you to follow the path I took. Research legitimate medical journals on-line and keep tabs on the happenings here on FrankTalk.

Congratulations on your new baby. And any more to come. Congratulations on marrying well. A wise woman. Keep a planning budget for new car, school supplies, new house, implant.

As Waynetho posted below, V.E.D. therapy is beneficial for keeping your penile tissues elastic and oxygenated. I opine the best protocol is to have one or two 30 minute sessions daily of intermittent inflations by vacuum lasting 30 seconds to a minute in duration with a 10 to 30 second (complete) deflation. A couple of journal articles describe protocols for VED therapy (and neither require use of constriction rings- they are used if keeping the erection outside of the device - like for having sex - is desired).

[bldoink]

Keep using the VED.

[Waynetho]

@ViaSwiss, you night at least look into getting a VED (Vacuum Erection Device) to maintain blood flow to your penis regularly, if you don't get regular erections naturally. If you don't keep stretching it and blood flowing into it, you will lose inches while you wait for the day that you are ready to get the implant.

One of the ads on this page is for ErecAid. It's medically approved and comes with several sizes of tension bands (read: "special cock-rings") that clamp the veins that release the blood from an erection. It's a bit pricy but IMHO, it would be very much worth it to retain penile health during the waiting period.

[Lost Sheep]

Your wife has her head on straight, as many wives do.

Consider this piece of advice a friend of mine got.

As a young couple on their honeymoon, they asked a (vacation) photographer who had been married for 50 years, "What is the secret to such a long marriage?"

His answer:

He looked at the groom, and said, "YOU, you do everything she tells you to do."

Then he looked at the bride and told her, "YOU, spoil him so rotten that no other woman will want him."

I thought about that for a long time.

Letting the woman have input into what happens to the couple is wise. Women are nesters by nature. They will ALWAYS desire to preserve and advance the common good of the union. They will never give their husband bad advice.

They prioritize for the benefit of their children, their home, their husband. The husband may not be top of the list, but at least he is in the mix.

A loving wife will take care of her loves (husband and children) as fervently as a loving husband takes care of his.

Consider yourself blessed.

[Lost Sheep]

You have time to search out a health insurance policy (or rider to your current policy) that will cover an implant and the delay will extend past the exclusion for "pre-existing conditions". That should help immensely with the costs.

[strongagain]

Your wife is very selfish, she only cares about herself. Your needs don‘t matter to her. Get an implant and a girlfriend asap. I feel quite sorry for you. Getting an implant is an extremely important decision, to let other people decide on your behalf, well, that‘s crazy.

[bldoink]

Wow sheep!
I would agree that there have been a number of forum posts in the past that reflected an unfortunately common misogynistic attitude. However, I think you went a bit too far for me and you're way too idealistic. I can assure you that women are just as flawed as men in their own ways. Certainly a marriage should be a partnership and large decisions are best if made in agreement. I do not do whatever my wife tells me to do. I think you largely got the marital advice backwards although I would hope there's some balance.

Letting the woman have input into what happens to the couple is wise.

Yep, very true.

Women are nesters by nature. They will ALWAYS desire to preserve and advance the common good of the union. They will never give their husband bad advice.

That needs a bunch of qualifiers. Most women are not that perfect, just as men are rarely perfect husbands.

They prioritize for the benefit of their children, their home, their husband.

One can only hope.

---------------------------------
I wouldn't give the OP such specific advice. I don't know his wife, their relationship, their devotion or their financial situation. If they can't afford it then they can't afford it. Only they can know. The wife may not have any conception of the the importance of a man having a functioning dick, other than for procreation. She should certainly find a way to demonstrate some understanding of the importance to her husband.

[bldoink]

Your wife is very selfish, she only cares about herself. Your needs don‘t matter to her. Get an implant and a girlfriend asap. I feel quite sorry for you. Getting an implant is an extremely important decision, to let other people decide on your behalf, well, that‘s crazy.

Then there is this post that is the other extreme drifting into the misogynistic.

[Lost Sheep]

Then there is this post that is the other extreme drifting into the misogynistic.

Yep-per.

Nobody's perfect. I liked the imagery of the advice I forwarded from my friends which they forwarded from that photographer. AND, in my experience, the best girlfriends I have had were as described. I have had a couple of selfish girlfriends, but they did not stick around for very long (except one with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder). And the advice forwarded has some support in sociology and biology.

Note this caveat: Having managed for 7 decades to avoid the institution of marriage, I feel qualified to give advice to anybody on the matter as an observer without the coloration of vested interests.