Tired of hiding out

[hopefuluser]

OK, so I've been haunted -- HOUNDED -- by ED for almost 15 years. I'm 36. My first (and to date only) relationship was sabotoged by ED which I can only attribute to psych meds (SSRIs surprise surprise). That was back in 06. Most painful of all was right before that relationship I had a healthy (VERY healthy) libido and no ED. I blame the change in my meds for the tragedy.

I've been off the SSRIs for a few months now and still no joy. My libido has also taken a hit for 15 years. I've recently decided to get an implant after pills and a disastrous attempt at injections.

I may get my surgery in November. Ricardo Munarriz is doing it and I know he's a good doc. And before that I'll be seeing him for possible treatments for my low libido (Clomid and others).

BUT in the meantime I just can't take it anymore. I NEED female companionship. I haven't been on a date in 10 years. I have no friends or family that live near me. I live alone. I've tried so hard to have a social life but I quickly realized that if you're my age and don't have existing friends one of the only ways to have a steady person in your life is with a relationship.

I can't hide out anymore. I'm at the point of just saying "screw it" go on dates and let the cards fall where they may. If there's trouble with intimacy, so be it.

I'm honestly terrified. I've never fully gotten over the humiliation of trying and trying again to have sex with my ex and only being (joylessly) successful a couple times. But how long can you beat yourself up? Maybe if all else fails I can do something for her in the bedroom and things can grow from there and we'll cross the surgery bridge when we come to it.

Anybody else been here? How did you go about dating with this heavy weight? Any pointers? I feel utterly lost.

[Markc2008]

Hang in there. I’m in the same boat from an ssri. I didn’t have any problems really while taking it, but I stopped it cold turkey and was left with no libido, Ed, and even lack of normal sensation in my penis. It’s been a year since I stopped and it hasn’t improved. I get by with pde5 pills but they don’t work great. I’m hoping whatever happened goes away. But if it hasn’t changed in a year who knows if it will? You could maybe try wellebutrin for libido and Ed. It’s helped me at times. If I don’t get better I may be facing an implant as well...

[young_and_impotent]

Yup been there. It's time to get help.
Pills -> Injections -> Implant

[Lost Sheep]

OK, so I've been haunted -- HOUNDED -- by ED for almost 15 years. I'm 36. My first (and to date only) relationship was sabotoged by ED which I can only attribute to psych meds (SSRIs surprise surprise). That was back in 06. Most painful of all was right before that relationship I had a healthy (VERY healthy) libido and no ED. I blame the change in my meds for the tragedy.

I've been off the SSRIs for a few months now and still no joy. My libido has also taken a hit for 15 years. I've recently decided to get an implant after pills and a disastrous attempt at injections.

I may get my surgery in November. Ricardo Munarriz is doing it and I know he's a good doc. And before that I'll be seeing him for possible treatments for my low libido (Clomid and others).

BUT in the meantime I just can't take it anymore. I NEED female companionship. I haven't been on a date in 10 years. I have no friends or family that live near me. I live alone. I've tried so hard to have a social life but I quickly realized that if you're my age and don't have existing friends one of the only ways to have a steady person in your life is with a relationship.

I can't hide out anymore. I'm at the point of just saying "screw it" go on dates and let the cards fall where they may. If there's trouble with intimacy, so be it.

I'm honestly terrified. I've never fully gotten over the humiliation of trying and trying again to have sex with my ex and only being (joylessly) successful a couple times. But how long can you beat yourself up? Maybe if all else fails I can do something for her in the bedroom and things can grow from there and we'll cross the surgery bridge when we come to it.

Anybody else been here? How did you go about dating with this heavy weight? Any pointers? I feel utterly lost.

My story arc is similar to yours, but not so extreme.

3 or 4 decades of slowly progressing (and largely unrecognized) ED took its toll on my relationships, but towards the end, taught me other ways of pleasing a woman sexually (cunnilungus, hands, toys), the joys of sharing HER orgasms and paying attention to her non-sexual being.

As far as dating with an unreliable (or reliablty non-functioning) erection that nonetheless has the ability to ejaculate when semi-soft and drives my libido, I found that if one levels with one's partner when intimacy begins, the relationship can survive a failed erection. I have posted many times that I have found that women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe. By being honest with my dates and girlfriends, I not only lowered their expectations but raised their respect for me as a man who does not hide is flaws and is brave enough (several women called me "courageous" - go figure. I was just desperate.) to acknowledge and address them.