Hello from Tennessee

[Downunder]

Coming to this forum made me realize just how common my "down under problem" actually is, and how many also share my hesitation at the next big step: an inflatable implant.

I've been reading hundreds of posts and building a list of questions, getting some answers, and following links to resources - all of which often leads to more questions. Perhaps most importantly are the personal perspectives shared here, something that I've not found anywhere else. Deep gratitude to all of those guys who have revealed truly private thoughts and experiences on how it has affected them AND their partners, and those who volunteer for show and tell. This has all has been very helpful to me so far, and I hope to contribute to this site when I feel I have something worth sharing.

I'm a 58yo married guy in average shape with gradually worsening Type 2 Diabetes over the last 20 years. On reflection I see that my ED has progressively worsened over that same time frame. I've tried all the ED pills and while they worked well for the first 10 years or so, over time even higher doses couldn't get me to more than about 60% hardness, and could never be counted on to last long enough for a satisfying interaction. My semi rigid penis was now causing real physical pain to my wife and so I moved onto the next suggestion from urologist.

Trimix injections got me to about 70% hardness, and unlike pills I could reliably sustain an erection for a longer period of time. The side effects were a painful level of sensitivity and burning that meant I couldn't even touch myself, let alone enjoy penetration. The pharmacy said that the although the mix could be varied, the ingredients that caused the burning also caused the erection and I could not get one without the other. Unhappy husband, unhappy wife.

Despite my urologist's (overly) enthusiastic endorsement of a penile implant I was horrified at the idea. I could never imagine allowing ANYONE to mess with my junk and add parts and pieces to my body. No I didn't want to see or feel the implant mechanism and hell no to scheduling a date for surgery. My wife thought I was being silly and wanted to know if I could get one with a built in vibrator! To say we had opposing views on the prospect of a surgical solution would be an understatement.

And so I find myself here, another sexless year later, a new urologist, but the same recommendation: an inflatable penile implant.

I've pretty much accepted that I will get an implant at this stage, but I'm not quite ready to pull the trigger just yet. Like all of you I have questions about Doctor selection, implant model, type of surgery, pre and post op activities for minimum pain and fastest recovery, and the likely impact on my marriage. I'm over the pills, the pumps and rings, the painful injections, and the crushing lack of confidence that easily spills outside the bedroom into daily life. I want to be a REAL husband to my wife again, and so does she.

[Cajun Jeff]

Down under, like you I was so afraid of going ionic that I delayed over 6 years. One year ago I pulled the trigger and did lots of research to find the Dr that I wanted to do the surgery, Found a Dr in New Orleans went for consult and decided it was a go.

I wish I had done this years ago. Surgery for me was amazing. No pain to speak of, only took one pain pill fir the 1 hr fine home in the car,

A few days of ice and all went well. You can read my post in the implant section of the daily updates.

You will not regret the decision. Best wishes and do keep us posted.

If you have specific questions feel free to ask here or in private message. I have a buddy in TN had his done 3 days before me. He had exactly the same results and me. Possibly get you 2 to talk with each other.

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, Downunder and thanks for trusting us with your feelings and inviting our advice.

I am not sure how common E.D. is. The members on FrankTalk are obviously selected out of the general population, so a very high concentration would naturally be found here. On the other hand, last May there was an article in "Cosmopolitan" magazine examining the situation, so it is clear that woman are paying attention to the matter, suggesting there is an issue.

All that aside, your story is similar to mine. Type 2 Diabetes for decades and declining erectile function even longer ago than my diabetes diagnosis. I was able to keep my lovers satisfied by "other means" and finally asked my medical support for help in the erectile functioning. Actually admitting to someone was difficult. Admitting to a sexual partner was difficult until it became absolutely clear that not acknowledging there was a problem was, in itself, a problem. Admitting to a physician was the next necessary step I delayed until living my life without medical help was untenable. When oral medications lost effectiveness I researched. Suppositories, V.E.D.s and injections were considered and rejected as barely acceptable and largely inadequate. The idea of an implant came up (I think my Doctor brought it up first and I was surprised it was available as an option). I quickly did more research and the search for a surgeon began. There was no thought of not doing it. Life with sex sans erection was not acceptable and the downside of trying the implant solution was nil. (If the operation was a dismal failure, my erections were not going to be any worse than they were at that time and the prospect of an actual cure or less invasive treatment was nil.)

Remember, an implant is not a cure. It is a very good and effective treatment, however, and my sex life is better with the implant (even with its drawbacks) is FAR FAR better than is had been for decades.

No, there are no options for built-in vibrators. But one poster on Franktalk here did report that holding a vibrator on the side of his penis while he was inside his wife gave her quite a thrill (and him, too, I imagine). I can report that the rigidity of my implant is quite sufficient for vibrations to transmit along its length, though my lover and I have not tried that option, yet.

I can report that the freedom to have coitus in positions that I never could have maintained an erection in is wonderfully freeing. The opportunity to engage in one position, disengage (and not lose my erection) and re-engage in another position is fantastic! Make love in one position, switch to another, switch to another, have orgasms (she and I both) and when we tire, switch to a position in which we can rest while still joined. I could not even do that in my youth! The drawbacks of having to depend on a prosthetic, having to pump up to get erect, the risk of some loss of feeling and other surgical risks were nothing and minimized by BEING VERY SELECTIVE IN MY CHOICE OF SURGEON.

Dr. Eid gave me this piece of advice, "Find a surgeon in love with his craft." He went on to explain that such a surgeon will put his patients' outcome above all else. Such a surgeon is one you want. I took more than a year to find one that the V.A. would authorize. Having said that, the surgeon I eventually chose also told me, if you go to the East Coast, "you will be overflying a lot of good surgeons". I interviewed a couple good local surgeons and found Dr. Shaw (figuratively and almost, literally, "fell into my lap", but how that happened is another story). I liked him immediately and trusted him as he trusted me. He acknowledged the fact that I had researched extensively and treated me as a member of my medical care team, answered questions and shared his decision-making process.

I suppose you already did this: When I first joined FrankTalk, I took a couple weekends to read through two and a half years of posts/threads with titles that interested me and appeared informative. I recommend this to you. It will give you a better basis for forming questions and understanding the answers. This will also help get your medical team to accept you as a contributing partner in the decision-making.

I also recommend doing extensive research on your chosen urologist/sexual health physician and interview him (or her) pointedly and make yourself an integral part of the medical team. (Of course, many men choose not to do that and I cannot fault them - just do what is comfortable for your personality and approach to your medical care.)

I recommend documenting your size (length and girth) by careful measurement and photographs. Make sure your measurement protocol is repeatable (you will want to measure after surgery also). The most widely used measurement is to press a measuring tool against your pubic bone just above your penis, compressing the pubic fat pad as much as possible and measuring (straight) to the tip of your penis (not following the curve around to the tip, but just straight out like a shoe store measures your foot to the tip of your toe - but you can follow the curve of your penis' shaft.) Girth is measurement of circumference at the midpoint of your penis. Some choose to find the girthiest part, instead. Usually the two points are the same or very close.

Size loss is not particularly common. But V.E.D. Therapy is helpful in maintaining size and the flushing of your blood through penile tissues is healthy for them, too.

[Burhead27]

I agree. My story a little different. Battling ED for around 30 years in one degree or another. Pills VED then pills with VED Tried oneinjection in Dr. Office hurt like hell and was to much of a whimp. The ability to sustain erection for penetration in the end. Unable to have intercourse fo nearly 3 years. Have the most wonderful careing wife that also missed the closeness iinrercourse gave us. For me in my mind it seemed I didn't have much to lose md dick was just a way to piss. At this point we're about 6 weeks out. Is it the same? Thank God no. It gets in the way was a grower but not a problem. We except the feel of cylinders in penis. Some loss of sensation but not sure if its just different Dr. made no outrageous expectations but said this would be my new penis and is true. We are enjoying the honeymoon stage of this journey and we gladly welcome the new unit. So far have lost a little girth and little more tha a inch in legnth. Would like to gain back but not in a hurry. If there are no gains it's ok. Now have a working hard on a the push of the button. As many have said have patience. Good luck to all.