Long lasting troubles with ED (34 y.o.)

[Michaf]

Hey guys, I want to share my story, hopefully helpful to somebody and maybe I can also get a feedback from you.

I am 34 y.o. straight. Suffering from ED almost the whole life. My troubles are mostly about maintaing the erection, not reaching it. First issues I noticed when masturbating as a kid (around age 15-17) - sometimes it was dificult to keep it up without constant stimulation. I didn't pay much attention to it - thought it's just a rare anomality.

At the age of 21 I had sex for the first time and everything worked well and also with next two girls as well. However with the fourth girl my "journey" began. I got hard but then would lose the erection when put on the condom or changed a position. Back then I had no idea what the problem was (and that it actually was a problem) so I just thought I drank too much wine. I left the room trying to keep it up in the bathroom by harshly stimulating my penis (which of course had the opposite effect). Though I managed to reach the erection - when I came back it vanished again. She gave me a blowjob and that worked well. In the morning we tried again and I had the same problem. Sex was not possible, blowjob worked.

Same problem occured with a next girl and then I got into my first relationship. It wasn't too bad, but the issue would regularly occur, more often towards the end of the relationship (when first passion faded away). After the relationship I started adressing the problem for the first tim out loud and talked to couple of friends (including older guys). All of them told me that it must be in my head. I fully accepted that idea and believed it for years without questioning, altough problem persisted - with rare exceptions - sex wasn't practically possible.

Fast forward to 2018 when I got into another relationship and that was so far a peak of my sex life. For three months we fucked like rabbits, it worked almost everywhere and everytime and lasted long. Especially when we put off the condom. I could be rock hard and fuck for an hour. However that drive declined after 3 months (again with passion fading away and other relationship problems occuring). In the end of the relationship I was able to have sex only with a certain dynamic (special position etc.), which was ok for me, but heavily frustrated my ex, so naturally caused even more tension.

After the breakup (2019) I had a half-sucsseful one night stand, where it kinda worked and was ok, but mostly thanks to the heat of the moment (and didn't last long because of the erection going away - though not imidiately). In 2021 I've met another girl, we dated for 2-3 months, it was a first time I shared this problem with girl like that and she was understanding. We were able to have sex couple of times, but generally it was not ok. At that point I reviewed my belief about the problem being "only in me head" and started to look into it again. With the information from online sources I shifted my understanding to the fact that it actually can be a psychical issue.

And here I am. This was an overview story, now just important points to the context:

- As a small kid I used to pressure my bladder with my fingers when it was full to put off the need to pee, did it for a long time and I as an adult I also suffer from the frequent urge to pee. According to the info on some forums it could to be related to the problem. I got checked at urologist office when I was 18 y.o. because of that - but he didn't find any problem and told me not to think about it - that I ma too young for this problem.

- I also have variocose veins on my legs and Varicocele in my scrotum - again information I read seems to put in into relation with having VL issue (some posts claim it's not a rule)

- I have position dependent ED - best while sitting or half laying on the bed (but that is not a guaranteed method anymore). Having sex standing almost impossible, from behind only rarely. also position on the side is very very good chance to have sex for me (but I don't enjoy it)

- I need constant stimulation, otherwise losing it almost imidiately. Blowjobs work significantly better than sex, but bad blowjob makes me losing boner too.

- second round almost always worked better (after coming at least once)

- having sex with condom is almost impossible, even reaching for it makes me losing erection almost imidiately

- morning wood was almost always present until recent 2 years when it started to decline and now is mostly present when I sleep (and wake up) on the side and it can last long, however the second I change position it can be gone. Also having a half full bladder in the morning allows me to maintin long lasting erection, regardles of my position, but the second I pee - it's gone (not even stimulation helps to keep it up). Obivously there is some locking mechanism triggered when bladder pressures prostate and pelvic floor

- I trained for 8 years in a gym, that seemed to be helping as a T boost and my libido was also pretty stable. however with Covid gyms closed and I abandonded that routine, also worked a lot (have my own business) and my libido almost disappeared. I tried to restore it with excercise, good diet (I am a slim tall guy) and some boosters like Ashwaghanda and other natural products - had zero to mild effects

- I masturbated throughout the life pretty regularly, watching porn, but not being obssesed about it. usually I just need it for a few mins, wouldn't watch it wihtout masturbation. However I tried several times nofap (for over three weeks) and not watching porn for over 3 months and the effect was that my sexual drive and libido first peaked, but then started to decline heavily, so I abandoded that routine. watching porn and masturbating helps keeping my libido up. I also have a pretty good fantasy and can get very much aroused just by it

- I haven't visited urologist nor sexologist in regards to this issue, but I think my T levels could be low (which obviously has the direct effect on ED). I plan to get that checked.

- currently I am into strengthening pelvic floor excercises, which, as several sources claim - could help a lot. To my understanding strong pelvic floor can help to prevent blood outflow from a penis.

- what helps me really a lot is smoking weed (in combination with being a bit drunk - top.) That massively increases my sensitivity and I am able to maintaing the erection long, however even that failed me a few times. With my ex and on weed I had some of the best feeling sexual experiences in my whole life.

- I am able to masturbate and come, but in past 2 years, as mentioned above, my libido declined and ejaculation got way less pleasant, orgasms feel way more dull, amount of ejaculate also decreased and sensitivity in my penis also declined. Furthermore even when reached, my erections are weaker than they used to be.

- I currently date a girl, she is hot and I am really attracted to her, I get hard when we!re kissing and petting, but feeling like sex won't be possible (knowing myself). I shared the issue with her and told her to manage her expecations, she is understanding, but it tenses me a lot.

- I am pretty self-aware and self-reflective person, I know when the issue is in my head - with a break it could eventually work (or second round), but I also know when I am horny, not nervous and it doesn't work - it's not in my head.

- to reconfirm whether it actually is in my head or not I went to brothel (2017) and was able to have sex with two girls there (same night), even with condom. At that point I thought I am healed (then I met my "sexlife peak" ex), but I recently tried that again (end of 2021) and I couldn't maintain the erection, even by getting a BJ without a condom - that threw me off into a bad spot again.

- I haven't tried any boner pills ever and avoided idea for a long time - as it would mean an admission that it's actually a psysicall problem. But I am opened now to try some. Just to see if it can help. Do you have any proposals what I should start with?

Feel free to ask if you have any additional question, I tried to describe things as they are. I will really appreaciate any feedback from more experienced guys.

Bottomline: I think I have a combination of some physical problem with psychological influence, but having perfect peace of mind is not a guarantee that it will work. It can help, but most of the times it's not enough.

PS: There is another issue (more psychological) that makes sex complcated for me - my dick is very small when not erected. When erected - I am happy with it. Typical grower. Nevertheless I just hate to pull out a small not erected dick, at least not on the first date. Further into relationship I don't care, but one night stands are almost impossible for me. That obivously creates a lot of pressure.

[wolfpacker]

Try some Viagra or Cialis. I bet these will work great for you and you will not have to come back to these forums for many more years.