Wife has lost the desire to have sex

[Forever_Young]

I went about 3 years with a failing penis to ED. I had an implant and now have no problems with ED or ejacultion. The problem is a wife post Covid restrictions has sat on the couch and eaten cookies. She has gained about 85 pounds. She is self conscience about her size and has totally given up on having sex anymore. Since having my Implant we have had intercourse 4 times. She has had multiple orgasims all but once. The other day she told me not to ask to have sex anymore. I love my wife and having sex out of our marriage would be a very costly move on my part. Do I give her the option to have sex with me regularly or move on? She is a nurse an know it all, she would refuse to go to counseling.
I feel like I am swimming up stream.

[Martin6469]

This is a perfect question for my favorite sex columnist Dan Savage (www.thestranger.com/Savage). I think he's covered similar situations in the past. You could ask for his viewpoint and search his archives while waiting.

My $.02 worth: If I found myself in this circumstance, I'd be getting my sex elsewhere, particularly after going through the trouble of getting an implant. Life's too short....etc. And I might be looking for a different mate, knowing that demographics are on my side: after age 35 the women/men ratio is constantly rising. And in our wonderful computer age, people can meet who would otherwise never cross paths.

[beachbum]

If you look around on this site, FT, you will find that you are far form alone in this situation. There are many members willing to talk about being in a sexless marriage. And most likely many more not talking. You will find a multitude of answers too from just living with it, to moving on and find someone else, going outside the marriage, to FWB. To me there is no clear cut decision. It's altumitly up to you and what you can live with. For some, this can be a very hard thing to figure out just what to do. Others have no issues.
I know this is really not the answer you were looking for. The good thing is here on FT you can talk to others about what they are doing about it and how they feel. Maybe that can help you decide the best way, or a way to move forward.

[steamfitter]

I went about 3 years with a failing penis to ED. I had an implant and now have no problems with ED or ejacultion. The problem is a wife post Covid restrictions has sat on the couch and eaten cookies. She has gained about 85 pounds. She is self conscience about her size and has totally given up on having sex anymore. Since having my Implant we have had intercourse 4 times. She has had multiple orgasims all but once. The other day she told me not to ask to have sex anymore. I love my wife and having sex out of our marriage would be a very costly move on my part. Do I give her the option to have sex with me regularly or move on? She is a nurse an know it all, she would refuse to go to counseling.
I feel like I am swimming up stream.

You have my sympathies, that is a tough spot to be in. Get council from wise people before you make a decision.

[Spontaneous1]

Arbitrary decisions without concern for your partners needs is totally selfish, especially when it comes to sex! When did that become acceptable on any level? I would have to re-evaluate my marriage if that happened. I'm a sexual person, and to be told no more of anything, that's a marriage breaker!

[sogwap]

I went about 3 years with a failing penis to ED. I had an implant and now have no problems with ED or ejacultion. The problem is a wife post Covid restrictions has sat on the couch and eaten cookies. She has gained about 85 pounds. She is self conscience about her size and has totally given up on having sex anymore. Since having my Implant we have had intercourse 4 times. She has had multiple orgasims all but once. The other day she told me not to ask to have sex anymore. I love my wife and having sex out of our marriage would be a very costly move on my part. Do I give her the option to have sex with me regularly or move on? She is a nurse an know it all, she would refuse to go to counseling.
I feel like I am swimming up stream.

I am in my second marriage largely due to my ex wife never wanting sex.
With my current wife she too is a nurse, and a bit of a know it all, and wanted me to go to counseling, but never offering to go with me.

The other day she told me not to ask to have sex anymore.

Given this statement, I would absolutely require why?
She may not know the real reason for not wanting sex. She may say, that's all you want or all you think about. Or she my give you some other BS reason, But once you get to the real reason, you will be in a better place to help her, And if things never changes, ultimately you my need to be the one to change your situation.

I was in a sexless marriage for many years, once I realized my ex was never going to change. I changed the situation and got out. But only you can determine that for yourself.