Updating post implant removal

[gregorbehr]

It has been a week now since the implant was removed...

I'm still having a rather significant amount of pain in the shaft. Who knows why, but I am.
Fighting deep depression, feelings of emasculation and of being deformed.
With the tissue removed, my penis is just a little nub that I can't even aim down decently enough to take a leak.

I don't have a follow up with the urologist until the 30th.
But I did get in to see my primary doctor today. If I have one thing to be thankful for, it is this amazing woman!
I had typed up a sort of time line of everything that had happened, from being sent home with significant bleeding from the scrotum, to the TWO ER trips and the THREE appointments with the surgeon, during which very little was done to correct the non-stop bleeding and constant pain. She read it in detail, asking me questions, just shaking her head the entire time. And I'm glad I was taking tons of pictures with my phone, cause I printed all of those out and went through them with her and she just looked horrified by how bad it all looked.

She is already working on getting my insurance to allow me to go out of network to see a specialist at UCSF Medical for an evaluation and advised me when I see the surgeon on the 30th to make HIM call the head of Urology at UCSF and help to get me in to see him in under the 4 months waiting list. She is also working to help me find a therapist who not only takes my insurance, but can understand the medical aspect of the situation and my on going feelings of grieving and loss of my sexuality.

She also did something I think is very rare for any doctor to do... she quietly suggested I seek legal council. As it is, I'll be years making payments to pay off the implant AND its removal. To possibly having a second try at an implant at UCSF, will more than likely have to come fully out of pocket and we all know that can run $30-50,000 with all the lovely things hospitals charge you for. And I'm sure given all the complications the first time around, a second try isn't going to be some 45 minute surgery and sent home later that day. I can see 1-3 days in hospital being pumped full of pain meds and antibiotics and all that adds up VERY quickly. So if I can at least get the first implant paid off and some "pain and suffering" funds to use to pay for a retry at the implant... it would be something. But in CA, there is a $250k cap on P&S and after the lawyer takes their cut and taxes well that will just cover the surgery.

So that's where I'm at. If I let myself, I just break down crying, feeling completely devastated. In just over 4 years I've beaten brain cancer that left me with some annoying nuero damage, where I got to relearn to walk and speak, blink and chew and still am deaf in one ear and have balance issues and vertigo. Kicked butt through two major foot surgeries, back surgery, two TURP surgeries and SEVEN heart attacks (now with 7 cardiac stents). With all the scar tissue in the shaft after the TURP surgeries I was hoping that right now, I'd be well on my way to have a straight and solid erection for my 44th birthday in 2 weeks. But instead I'm just hoping to have all this on going pain finally ease up and to be able to pee without having to sit down or in a jar!

Thankfully I've got an amazing group of very close friends who have supported me every waking moment through this! Cause I've certainly cried on all of their shoulders through this, usually just crying myself to sleep while being hugged.
And YAY, going to get back to my tattoo work on Monday and keep moving forward on my back piece. So that is one great thing to look forward to.
And it goes without saying many thanks to all the guys on here who have given me great words of support through all of this crap! And I hope one day in the not too distant future I can report being re-implanted with a successful outcome!

-Greg

[seawyn]

Greg I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Ive had two implants, the first in 1995 and the second last September. I was pissed at the doc because he failed to straightn out a slight left curve in the penis. Now after reading your post I'm very thankful for what I have. Here's wishing you the best
Seawyn.