Leto’s Guide to Dating Apps

[LetoMan]

Brothers,

A year or so ago at the age of 49 I found myself navigating not only a new bionic dick, but also dating for the first time in almost 20 years. I launched myself into that project, determined to regain my sex life. And I’m happy to report I was pretty successful at it. So I thought I would write a post on the dating insights I’ve gained, as they might help another middle aged brother that is trying to make up for lost time, or like me a newly single brother. Or whomever might enjoy learning a bit about actively dating in the twenty-twenties.

A caveat: I’m not at all interested in a monogamous relationship, I am primarily looking for women that are high libido and ideally looking for (but alternately are simply OK with) non-monogamous sexual encounters. I’m not specifically looking for one night stands, I’d rather find women that I can have an ongoing polyamorous relationship with, but of course I wind up with a good number of casual one-time hookups. Anyway, that’s just what I am looking for… if you are looking for something different, obviously adjust your approach accordingly.

In the past twenty years, there were two huge changes in dating. They are:

1) Changes in women (and also men) and their approach to sex; and
2) Dating apps.

How have women changed in the past 20 years? Single women today are by far more in touch with their sexual desires than they were 20 years ago. They are more likely to identify and express their desires to potential partners. They are very familiar with terminology around desire, kink, and relationship types. They are very comfortable with discussions about sex, and have lost a lot of the taboos that once existed. Of course, some women were like that 20 years ago. But after being monogamous for 20 years and then waking up like Rip Van Winkle with a bionic cock, it’s really eye opening to see how much women have changed in this regard.

Men have obviously changed too. I don’t interact with a lot of single men, but what I hear from women is not great. They mostly complain to me about single guys, which obviously provides some selection bias, but what they complain about with guys is that they are emotionally withdrawn, many are addicted to porn, they expect extreme sexual performance from women to mimic what they see in porn, and are not highly focused on giving pleasure to their partners.

There has clearly been a shift in sexual relations that is driven by porn. Those of us who are 50 started to get access to online porn when we were in college. But younger folks grew up with it… it was ubiquitous all through puberty and adolescence, and has clearly altered the way both men and women approach sex.

The other major shift is apps. Sure, there was some “online dating” when I was last single. But meeting people through apps has become commonplace.

The key reason this dramatically changes things: numbers and efficiency.

When I was young, and you wanted to meet someone to date or have sex, you had to go to a bar. Maybe you met someone there, most likely you didn’t. If you did meet someone you invested the whole evening in trying to charm them and not drink *too* much. You can go back and watch the movie Swingers to remind yourself of the intricate, time consuming and painful process of mating in the 90s, with a tremendous amount of effort going into trying to catch someone’s eye, then trying to charm them, getting their number, following up with them by phone and setting a date, going on the date, eventually trying to get in their pants. It’s amazing anyone actually got laid back then, ED or not.

But with apps, this process is streamlined. If you don’t know the routine, it’s fairly simple: you sign up for an app and create a profile. You are then presented with images and brief info from the profiles of people that you have pre-screened for age, location, interests, height, whatever. You then “swipe” on these profiles, swipe right if you find them attractive, swipe left if you don’t. If both of you swipe right on each other, you make a “match” and the app allows you to text each other, and you can take it from there. Apps are usually free, but have premium paid features that allow you to see who has liked you and send out unlimited likes - you can try it for free, but if you are serious about getting laid fairly often a premium account is a valuable investment.

Consider the efficiencies identified so far. First, you are able to communicate to dozens, hundreds, and, at scale, thousands of single women very quickly that you are interested in them. Then you are able to find out if they are interested in you. All with relatively little investment of time or money compared to going out to a bar on a Friday night.

The fact that you match does not mean you are going to be fucking soon - or at all. But how much easier does a conversation go now that it is established you are both at least mildly interested in each other?

And none of this is happening in person. If I go out to a bar and meet someone, she is my sole focus for the evening. But with an app, I can be carrying on dozens of conversations at once… and often am.

What’s the downside of apps? It’s an impersonal experience, and it is difficult to stand out. You have to make sure you stand out, and bring human presence and warmth to the process.

Which leads us to the numerical realities of apps. First of all, men outnumber women 3-1 on apps. Guys swipe on large quantities of women, pretty much anyone they would be willing to have sex with without pointing a gun at their head. Meanwhile, women are very, very, very particular about who they swipe on.

This leads to most women getting a ridiculous amount of positive swipes, and a very small and select group of men getting a good amount of matches, but most guys getting few to no matches. Women tend to complain that the guys are all overly sexualized and are players, whereas the guys complain that they get no matches because women are all focused on a handful of players.

And they are both right! Apps are probably pretty shitty ways to try and meet a monogamous partner. But they are very, very, very handy for those of us that want casual sex and are willing to make the apps work for us.

Let’s summarize what I learned so far about the new age of dating:

1) Women are much more forward and comfortable with what they want sexually.
2) Women want men that are engaged, chivalrous, masculine and treat them well, and men increasingly are NOT that.
3) Apps make it very easy for people that are attracted to each other to come into contact.
4) The economics of dating apps leads most women to get way more interest than they want from guys they are not interested in.
5) Most men get very little interest from women, but a small percentage of male profiles (call it 10-15%) get most of the interest coming from women.

Considering this, we start to see what we want to do to be able to stand out and make a dating app profile work for us:

First and foremost, we ABSOLUTELY need a top profile that attracts a lot of attention (swipes and matches) from women. Without this, nothing else follows. Second, we are going to take those matches and convert them into dates. And then third, we are going to turn most of our dates into an opportunity to introduce your new lady friend to Mr. Bionic.

You can think of this like a marketing funnel. We want to get a large number of leads or matches. We want to get as many matches as possible, but we want to weed out the matches that won’t convert later. Then we want to get a smaller number of dates out of those matches, again reducing the bad leads that won’t convert. Dates are an investment of time and money, so we particularly want the dates to be high quality with a likelihood of closing - actually giving it to her for an hour or two and making her eyes roll back in her head, as HikerMan likes to say.

Think of it as 25 matches > gets you two dates > gets you one pretty lady riding the baloney pony to tuna town.

You can improve here and there on those numbers, but it’s a good way to think about it.

(Eventually you want to get to a scaleable operation where you have LOTS of leads, very selective dates with very high quality prospects, and a very high conversion ratio. Something like 100 > 5 > 4. The reason is that leads are basically free, you just have to market well. If you get good at identifying and pre-vetting prospects, you’ll increase your conversion ratios. The real investment of time and money is on dates… it’s terrible to go on dates that don’t go anywhere.)

Ok, after all that background, here’s what you are gonna do. We start with the top of the funnel. Your dating app profile is what gets you matches.

PROFILE

Your profile should be straightforward on what you want: nonmonogamous sexual encounters. Tinder calls that “short-term fun”. Bumble calls it “Intimacy without commitment”. We can be straightforward about this because women are straightforward about what they want. If we try to hide this desire behind being in the market for a relationship, it won’t work! Be clear, genuine and authentic about who you are and what you are looking for, and you will probably find exactly that.

But! Women also don’t want to read a profile that says “Available: on demand hard dick that wants to dominate you and make you my sex toy.” Well, some women might want that, but they are all on FetLife. But most women want to be treated right. They want a guy that knows how to treat them both in and out of the bedroom. They are looking for sexy, confident and dominant, not creepy.

Women respond well to men they perceive as being desired by other women. They love confidence and experience. They don’t mind at all that you are a player, as long as you are honest about it.

So let’s get down to brass tacks on how to build a profile.

Pictures: This is obviously the most important part, and the part most guys fuck up.

Yes, women care what you look like. But it isn’t even close to as important as it is to us about them. Trust me. I got a dad bod, I’m no looker. There is someone out there for everyone. Your looks are not holding you back.

That said, don’t confuse “I don’t need to look like Brad Pitt” with “I don’t need sexy, visually interesting photos that tell a story.”

You don’t want to use old pictures. At some point you are going to have to meet in order to boink, and if you don’t look like your pics anymore that won’t go well. You need recent pics.

And this is important: you need to not hide anything. If you are balding don’t hide it under a hat. No pics with sunglasses. And you absolutely need one full body pic.

Why? If you don’t have these things, women think you are hiding something and swipe left. So be clear about your baldness, body weight, age and looks.

(The one thing you might be able to cheat on: your height. I don’t have this issue because I am ridiculously tall. But some women set minimum heights in their search parameters. If you fall below it, they may not even see you. You might evade that by adding an inch or two to your height, and who will notice that when you meet them? BUT they absolutely will notice if it is more than an inch or two. And now you have wasted dates on women that are not going to fuck you because they are pissed you lied about your height and they are not attracted to dudes that are insecure.)

You should not lie about your age. Again, if girls aren’t into calling you Daddy, they won’t match with you. But you are gonna be shocked at how many girls want to call you Daddy, and will actually do that in their first message to you! And a lot don’t want to call you Daddy, they just love older men. And some just really don’t care at all what age you are. So be upfront about your age.

What your pictures absolutely have to convey: that you are nice, fun, interesting, funny, not a creep.

How do you convey that?

Smile in your pictures. You look better when you smile, trust me, even if you have fucked up teeth like me.

Pictures doing activities that women have positive associations with. Out with friends. On a boat. At a concert. Traveling. Playing sports.

Show off in at least one picture that you can get dressed up in a suit and look good. In another that you can wear shorts or sweats and look good.

At least one full body pic. If you are ripped, sure, take your shirt off. If not, keep it on.

No sunglasses. Everyone wants to see your eyes.

Did I mention smile? Smile.

Get a vibe check. Ask a woman to look at your pics and make sure you don’t look creepy in any of them.

If you don’t have those pics, already, get some. Take some selfies when you are dressed up, or after a haircut. Ask friends to take some pics when you are looking good.

(If you want to get dates and convert, you are going to need some new clothes anyway, partially for how they look, partially for how they make you feel confident. Get some new clothes and get your picture taken in them. Think of me and that advice later when you are about to cum.)

Bio: So now that pictures are out of the way, on to the written content on your profile. Again, most guys fuck this up. I certainly did at the start.

Most guys write something like this:

“I like to hang out with friends, work on my car, go bowling and fishing, and watch NFL. I like rock music, but no rap or country. I’m looking for a pretty girl that knows how to take care of her man.”

Sexy AF.

This is what your profile should say:

“About Me
I’m the kind of guy who will cook you dinner, burn half of it, and then convince you it was supposed to be “rustic.” I believe in laughing until your cheeks hurt, taking spontaneous road trips that end in questionable karaoke, and pretending I know how to dance just to make you smile.

I’m equal parts sarcastic and soft, the kind of man who can tease you in one breath and mean it when I say you’re gorgeous in the next. My love languages are touch, bad jokes, and showing up with snacks when you didn’t ask.

Looking For
Someone who’s playful, curious, and not afraid of a little flirtatious banter. Bonus points if you can beat me at Mario Kart (or at least make me think you’re letting me win).

My Ideal Date
Something casual but with sparks—drinks that turn into hours of conversation, or a walk that gets a little handsy under the streetlights. I’m not here for small talk; I’m here for chemistry. I’ll bring the wine, you bring the trouble.”

It literally took me under a minute to come up with that. How? ChatGPT did it for me. Sure it’s all cheesy. You need to get something in your voice. So follow these steps:

1) Tell ChatGPT to write you a dating profile, but to ask at least 25 questions about you before it does to help it write it in your voice. Answer the questions.
2) Tweak it and iterate. Take what you want, lose what you don’t. Try again, mix and match.
3) Wind up with a profile that feels like your voice but is funny, interesting, suggestive, confident.

That is, of course, unless you are a copywriter. But you probably are not.

The goal here is to stand out. You want to appear exceptional and interesting, even though you and I are both schmoes.

Ok, let’s summarize what we are trying to do with our profile:

GOAL: have a top 10% profile that maximizes our matches/leads without hurting our conversion rate.

HOW:

- Honest about what we are looking for by being suggestive, not explicit.
- Has great, recent, honest pics that convey our interesting, fun, safe lifestyle.
- A punchy, suggestive, funny bio written by ChatGPT.

You can half-ass this, and get no leads. Or you can do a decent job and do better than 90% of the lazy ass bastards out there that put three pics of themselves up, one with a car, one with a fish, and one with their shirt off, and then call it a day.

It’s an iterative process. Keep working on your profile. It’s not ABC, it’s ABWOYP: Always Be Working On Your Profile.

Ok, now that we got leads rolling in from your killer profile, the rest is easy.

TURNING MATCHES INTO DATES AND HOOKUPS

So, this is where it gets a bit weird. A match is just a faint expression of mutual interest. Where most guys get matches wrong is that they think a match is a definite “we are hooking up,” and worse they are getting so few matches that they are overdoing it.

Matches are leads, that’s all. Sure, she has said that based on a few pictures and a few lines of text, she might be inclined to go on a date with you if you ask the right way. That’s good! But you still have some work to do to make that happen.

The problem is that in this modern world people match and unmatch and don’t respond and ghost and lovebomb and do all kinds of wierd stuff. Don’t get too caught up on any one match. You never know where it is going to go.

Where you hope it is going to go is to a date. Or, if you are even luckier, to what the kids these days call a “hookup”, which is sex WITHOUT a date. You just decide who is gonna host and get to it.

Generally, women will let you know if they want a hookup. My favorite type of female profile is one that is not really well put together. Why? Because well-put-together profiles for women suggest they are looking for that special someone. Women who are using dating apps to hookup generally just have a few honest candid pics of themselves and no bio info. Because they know it is relatively easy to find a guy. They just hunt for guys that are into short term casual sex, and pick their favorite. YOU need to have a great profile, because you need to stand out from the rest of the schmoes. But they don’t.

If you get chosen for a hookup, it’s relatively easy from here. The text function is mostly so you can coordinate when and where you are gonna do the dirty. Do us all a favor and treat that woman right, make her cum at least three times, she is a gift from the gods and we want her out there hooking up again and again. Treat her right, man.

Most women are not ready to just hookup, however (but you might be surprised how many are). Most need to get to know you better, over text first and a date if that works out, before they are willing to take your surgically enhanced member into their private parts. Some might require TWO dates!

So, what do you do there? Be charming, be nice. Be slowly suggestive, take your time with it, make sure she is ok with the level you are at before moving to a more suggestive level. Generally, work your magic.

You have two advantages here. The first is that most dudes are crude assholes these days. You can stand out by being nice, charming, chivalrous. But, don’t be a simp… be masculine, be clear through suggestion (not explicit) that you are here because you want her to call out your name and God’s in the same breath.

The second is confidence. Girls looooove confidence. I can’t help you with your confidence in yourself. But look… she swiped on you. She likes something about you. And she doesn’t yet know that when the time comes you are gonna pound her exactly the way she wants. Remember… in their own weird way, they are doing this bizarre dance with you because they want that pounding, that is why they are here, and you KNOW you’ll be able to give her what she wants. Let that guide you (but in a nice, charming, chivalrous way, at least for now.)

And that’s it. Get a date, go on the date, do the same thing in person. You’ll get laid.

Here’s the advanced strategy at this stage: preconditioning them for sex, and cutting out the ones that aren’t going to put out. Sure, she wants the pounding. But women for incomprehensible to us reasons want a lot of other shit in addition to a good pounding. Through light, safe banter, I make sure she understands I’m looking for sex on the first date. If she balks at that, I cut her loose. I also generally test for whether she’s going to drive me nuts or not. If she’s gonna be a loon, I move on.

How do I do that? By having a killer funnel. I have so many leads I can be choosy as to who I date. As a result, my conversion rate is high… almost every woman I go on a date with fucks me. But the work to make that happen was pre-date, not some magical Casanova quality I possess.

Ultimately, it’s a numbers game. Having the numbers on your side helps you. When you have a nice funnel of matches, you are going to get a confidence boost, and you will stop wasting time on women that are time wasters because you have so many options anyway. It’s a goddamn virtuous feedback loop.

That’s it guys. These are my learnings. Try different apps (Tinder is the best for me for sex and hookups, but I also have Bumble, Hinge, Feeld, and other sources going for me). Try different approaches.

Got something that works for you? Share it in the comments.

I hope you take away from this that anyone can do it. I think we are accustomed by ED to think that certain kinds of lives are only for certain kinds of guys. What I learned this year was that once I had my dick confidence back, I could manage everything else. You don’t have to be good looking, rich, fit, tall, hung, full head of hair. There are a lot of women out there that want your dick. Apps just help you to find them easily while not wasting time on the women that don’t want your dick.

But, you have to take advantage of a few superpowers (in addition to your bionic dick) that will help you stand out: be nice, be respectful, be chivalrous, make them feel good, give them pleasure. Don’t be a simp or a pushover, be masculine definitely, but in the good sense, not the ugly sense.

Happy fucking, brothers.

Leto

[dan_bionic]

Leto,
great advices and wise instructions, you are a talented source of writing, but especially using AI with ChatGPT is a good idea

I know, I'm lucky to not have to use dating apps (at least not until now), cause I know many young chicks in my 2 bars, that already "spread" the word about my "power-dick, that never sleeps" and going to those bars just means, there will be at least one of the chicks willing to be fucked for hours.

However, guys, if you are in a good relation-ship, I wish your partner and you to enjoy your dick to the fullest.
All others, that don't have a partner, take Leto's advice/instructions and start your new sexual adventure with your bionic dick!

We all need to compensate for the time we've lost with ED and definitely, your bionic dick will boost your self-confidence and let you forget the time, you were a psychogenic wreck!

Life is too short to waste it ion BS, go out, use you super-power and have great sex!
Every day without good sex is a lost day!

[frank66665]

Wow, LetoMan, you're a raging river, great post. I'm looking for hookups. My time is limited and I don't have the opportunity to go out for dinner or walks that would take me 8-10 hours. I might miss a morning or afternoon, not the evening or night. Do you think there's room for me to find girls/women for sex? I'm married and have no intention of ruining my marriage. If this is feasible, how do you think I should set up my profile?

[CanGetItUpButNotOff]

Wow, Leto. That's a master class in 2020's dating. None of the other so-called professional advice columns can hold a candle to your wisdom. So practical!

I have a niche question: These days, what is the norm for condom use in hookups? I would expect:

• Always for PIV
• Seldom for oral (BJ's)

Bonus question: typically, are hookups spitters or swallowers? Or maybe, the BJ is just a prelude to finishing PIV?

[UpNorth]

Leto
Awesome tutorial.
Funny story; I text my wife while I was reading your post and asked her if I am still permitted to look for a girlfriend being that our sexual moments have increased.
Then I get down to Franks nd had a chuckle.
She did say yes.

[dan_bionic]

Leto, i have to
I've tried your idea on ChatGPT:

About Me
Funny, spontaneous, and always chasing the next adventure. I thrive on sunshine, sandy beaches, and saying “yes” to whatever makes life exciting. If there’s music, good food, or a plane ticket involved — I’m probably already on board.
What I’m Looking For
Not here for the white picket fence — just looking for good vibes, chemistry, and some unforgettable moments. Whether it’s a weekend escape, a night full of laughs, or a spontaneous adventure, I’m all about fun without the heavy strings attached.
Fun Facts
My idea of a perfect day? Sun, cocktails, and the ocean breeze.
I believe passion is the best travel companion.
Warning: I’ll probably make you laugh at least once (bad jokes included).

I likre it, maybe can get some more chicks on Tinder ?

[ready2go]

in usa ,men are withdrawn because of women's feminist attitude and divorce court .where 80-90 percent of divorce is filed by women .
Men have wised up and do not want to have their lives ruined , thats why men are not "emotionally available " its a trap .
women are getting what they said they wanted .being "proud and independent, and i don't need no man . [except for sex haha]
so its pump and dump time in good ol usa .you are finding the ones who want to ride the dick merry go round and with great success . bravo ! playing the players .

[SWorks17]

Great dissertation and cockumentry LetoMan!

Leto, you've got your PHD (Pretty Hard Dick) this last year! You do have a doctorate in navigating how to get laid.

Single guys, Leto has laid it all out for you! Pun intended He's given you the book on how to do it, so get out there and make use of your Bionic weapon.

Your Bionic Brother,
SWorks

[ElbowRoom]

I have been married for 18 years, but we met on match.com and I spent a lot of time meeting women there before we met. This was before Tinder and the other apps.

Even back then, I could pull as many women as I made time to pull, and I’m not anything special. If I wanted to date a different women every weekend, I could. I’d say 50% of the women I met in person ended up in sex after one or two dates, and there were some offers I turned down because I wasn’t feeling it.

My formula was basically have decent pictures, have a profile that is a little funny and quirky and gives a sense of your personality, and most importantly don’t come across as a creep. That’s it.

I was not as much of a professional app prowler as Leto, and I was at least open to a relationship and not just out for pure sport-fucking, so our target audiences are a little different. But in the end just be a normal guy and not a creep or jerk and you’ll do fine with online dating. “There’s a lid for every pot,” as my mother used to say.