Why Men Lose Interest In Sex After Surgery

[RickRed40]

I've written more than 100 blogs about my journey with prostate cancer. I just updated my favorite blog today. It's about men losing their desire for sex after prostate surgery.

Many men experience a reduction and/or a loss of their sex drive after their prostate is removed. This reduction can be a result of a variety of reasons such as:
1. Coping with cancer-the emotions of fear and/or anxiety can impact sexual desire.

2. Depression- men often experience post-surgical depression. When men are depressed they don't typically experience depression the same way women do. Women typically become sad. Depressed men are frequently agitated, irritable, and easily angered. They could experience a loss energy and interest in previously enjoyed hobbies and activities. Depression often leads to a noticeable reduction in desire and/or interest in sex.

3. Losing urinary control- After prostate surgery the majority of men lose the ability to control urination. This lack of control may great impact a man's desire for sex.

4.Climacturia is a medical term describing orgasm-associated incontinence. Few if any men are told it's very possible they will leak and or urinate during their orgasm. For some men and/or women, urinating during an orgasm is either highly embarrassing or a complete sexual turn off, so the couple may avoid sex due to the appearance of climacturia.

5. The Loss of Ejaculation- After surgery men lose their ability to ejaculate. This can affect the pleasure men feel. Some men will avoid experiencing orgasms because of the sense of loss or sadness they feel after an ejaculation free orgasm.

6. A change in the quality or intensity or painful orgasms-For some men there is a significantly reduced intensity of their orgasms so there is a reduction in pleasure. This could serve as a turn off. Some men will experience painful orgasms after surgery, and there is a built in desire to avoid pain.

7. A reduction in penis size-Some men report a noticeable reduction in the size of their penis. This may cause some degree of shame-which will greatly impact a man's interest in sex.

8. Erectile Dysfunction-The majority of men will experience the loss of their ability to experience an erection for a minimum of 18-24 months. The inability to experience an erection can have a devastating impact on a man's libido and desire for all forms of physical contact.

I don't know why I haven't read this any where else but this seems obvious to me that prior to surgery each man had a number of triggers which could result in an erection. Some of those triggers for an erection were:
1. Sight-Men often get arouse as a result of seeing something that turns them on.
2. Sound- Certain sounds or sex talk can arouse men. There is a whole industry based on the power of sex talk to arouse men
3. Smells- Certain smells can arouse a man to experience an erection
4. Fantasy- Men have the capacity to use their imagination to think about sexual experiences that arouse them, resulting in erection.
5. Words-Some men are aroused by reading about sexual encounters.
6. Touch- Certain forms of touching can create a state of arousal.

After surgery, men lose their capacity to respond with an erection to each and everyone of their sexual triggers. There is a powerful emotional reaction to this loss. After surgery, these previously exciting triggers elicit feelings of loss, disappointment, frustration, anger and shame. Couples are unpleasantly surprised when they discover their pre-surgery sexual history is lost to both of them. Unfortunately, very few couples are provided with counseling or help in grieving these losses. Typically men withdraw emotionally and physically from their partners resulting in their relationships becoming highly stressed.

I believe the complete and total loss of sexual exciting triggers leaves couples confused about their sexuality and sexual relationship. I suspect it takes a compete re-wiring of the brain for a man to learn he can be sexually aroused with a flaccid penis. It's challenging for couples to find new ways to enjoy sex post-surgery many couples lose their way.

To re-claim your sexuality post-surgery takes time, effort, experimentation, and new experiences to re-program your mind and body to experience arousal in completely different ways than you did prior to surgery. Men must learn how to find pleasure, enjoyment, and orgasms with a flaccid penis, This isn't a simple or easy lesson for a man to learn but it's an essential lesson to learn in order to re-claim and renew sexuality post-surgery. For some men this is a temporary challenge for others it’s permanent.

My wife and I met this challenge and successfully established a new sexual relationship. However our new sexual relationship didn’t take away our desire to resume the closeness and pleasure of sexual intercourse. We made a decision that surprising few couples make with regard to treating ED that's unresponsive to medications or injections.

Four years after my prostate surgery I decided to schedule surgery for a penile implant. If all goes well I'm six or seven weeks away from resuming that part of our sexual relationship.I'm looking forward to a restorative surgery after experiencing a surgery that took so much away.

[spanzo]

oddly, my libido doubled after prostate surgery. Not sure why.

it was like a cruel joke, I was horny all the time, but usually could not get it up enough for penetration.

[Andy425]

Rick: Great post.

I totally understand every point you made.

EDIT -- RICK: Would you mind posting your blog address? If not could you PM it to me? TIA.

[maxkohn]

In my case, I didn't lose interest in sex. I just couldn't get it up for sex. Additionally, my partner is in menopause so she's lost interest in sex. We're learning how to related to each other aside from sexual intercourse, for now. i would love to make love to her again so a penile implant is not off the table. Right now, I'm trying injections but so far, haven't found a dosage that works. Very experimental. I don't know just yet what medication is being injected but he does explain to me HOW to inject so I suspect that when we get the correct dose, I'll be injecting myself.

Max

[thinktank]

RickRed

Second request here. Great post man. Some men are where you posted deriving from health reasons other than prostate. I am one of those men with other health problems. Just today I was thinking about what I could do to salvage my intimacy with my wife sexually.

Would you please post a link to your blog or PM me with it. Sex with a flaccid penis may be an impossibility, but intmacy is a need of every man whether his penis works or not.

Thanks

[dg_moore]

...initmacy is a need of every man whether his penis works or not.

Thanks

Not necessarily - I have an implant, so my penis works fine. But I had a stroke that took away my libido - I have no desire for sex or intimacy at all any more.

[maxkohn]

...initmacy is a need of every man whether his penis works or not.

Thanks

Not necessarily - I have an implant, so my penis works fine. But I had a stroke that took away my libido - I have no desire for sex or intimacy at all any more.

There are many kinds of intimacy so you have to find what works for you.

[dg_moore]

...initmacy is a need of every man whether his penis works or not.

Thanks

Not necessarily - I have an implant, so my penis works fine. But I had a stroke that took away my libido - I have no desire for sex or intimacy at all any more.

There are many kinds of intimacy so you have to find what works for you.

We have found that what works best for us is no physical intimacy at all - we had plenty of that back in the day. Neither of us is unhappy, dissatisfied, or frustrated. Our relationship is strong and we are perfectly content.

[Ahappigui]

Dave - I understand your statement that intimacy is not required by you and your partner, but that is not necessarily the case with most people. While intimacy and sex generally go together, great personal satisfaction can be achieved whether or not there is an erect penis. To cuddle and caress for most people is an emotion which cannot be fully explained. "Touch" is a very powerful emotion. I often think of the individuals in this world who don't have a partner, live alone, feel isolated, who react so positively by a simple hello, a smile, a hug.....these simple emotional responses is that which keeps many people going in their day to day life. I'm all for showing all people they play an important part in the day to day life of our society. Let's show more caring overall!