Afraid of Sex

[Vagabond127]

Complicated answer for a complicated problem. It's been a LONG time since I have had sex. I am growing very comfortable at the idea of having an implant and all that goes with it FINALLY. Then as luck would have it new issues arise.

I am scared to death at doing something I haven't done for years. My skill at sex. Being relaxed and enjoying it. Over the years the only thing that they gave me an erection was nipple play. I became my own sex partner if you will. What if I can't cum from fucking or blow jobs after I get my implant.

Any similar concern in the beginning?

Frank

[Greg1956]

I assume when you say you have become your own sex partner that your sex life totally consists of masturbation or other forms of self-pleasure. So, I will turn your question around and say what if you can come if you fucked someone after getting an implant? If there is a possibility and there isn’t currently, it seems worth the chance. If it ends up you can not cum with a partner, I would think having a rock hard dick would still make jacking off more fun. It doesn’t seem like you can lose.

Greg

[ED2013]

When you’re all healed up and ready to go, look into playing with professional women to get started and back into your comfort zone.

[Lost Sheep]

Here is our story: If we can overcome the several impediments we have, YOU SHOULD HAVE NO FEAR AT ALL.

After my implant, I was a little uncomfortable getting "back in the saddle" again. Particularly since my girlfriend is on medications that have anorgasmia as s side effect and she is, shall we say, "positionally challenged".

Whe I was young, my lover and I coud simply roll together get intertwined and plunge ahead. With E.D. I got out of practice and had to make elaborate preparations (pills and timing..still a lot better than those of us subjected to using V.E.D's with constriction rings or using injections).

Now, post-implant, if I had a lover without impairments, the simple, natural, easy "roll over and get it on" is still not possible. We have to do a different set of preparations to get HER ready.

Despite 1) my lack of sexual skills (having forgotten some of the more refined techniques of humping), 2) the fact that getting back in the groove has been a new set of learning experiences not dissimilar to the learning curve I went through as a youth, 3) interference from weight, body contours, strength and endurance, once entry has been achieved, there is ONE THING DEFINITELY CURATIVE OF YOUR TREPEDATION.

You have time to experiment before you erection goes away.

The third time we (attempted to) make love, this is how it went. I got an erection and we tried one position and found it did not work well. Before implant, this would have been the end of the night as far as sex was concerned (I had orgasmed already, during the first position). But on this night, we got out of bed, rearranged things and tried another position. That didn't work well enough for her to orgasm, either. No problem. My erection was as firm as when we started. We piled up a ramp of rolled towels and a pillow and tried a tilted position which allowed better stimulation for her. 10 or 15 minutes of enjoyable thrusting later (during which I had another orgasm), she orgasmed through coitus with me for the first time ever.

OK, for the two of us, it was a lot of work. But you should not fear. If we can overcome the several impediments we have, YOU SHOULD HAVE NO FEAR AL ALL. For you can easily break off from one attempt and re-start with another. This simply was NOT POSSIBLE for me before. So, now I have a new lease on life.

LS

[radioradio]

Encouraging account, Lost. Thanks for sharing.
Good for you!
Bob

[Lost Sheep]

Complicated answer for a complicated problem. It's been a LONG time since I have had sex. I am growing very comfortable at the idea of having an implant and all that goes with it FINALLY. Then as luck would have it new issues arise.

I am scared to death at doing something I haven't done for years. My skill at sex. Being relaxed and enjoying it. Over the years the only thing that they gave me an erection was nipple play. I became my own sex partner if you will. What if I can't cum from fucking or blow jobs after I get my implant.

Any similar concern in the beginning?

Frank

Remember also, it is not fear of sex. It is fear of failure. Or maybe fear of success.

Change (even for the better) is often frightening. You will have to adapt to a new normal. Have faith that it will be better than your present normal.

Think of it. Once you and your partner accept that you have E.D. a lot of pressure is taken off of you. If you get your E.D. treated, you now have the responsibility of performance again. Regardless of how good it is, your experiences of failure in your recent past is likely to sabotage your confidence.

My earlier post described our (my girlfriend and I) attempts to have good sex. Finding a position that worked for her was only part of the problems we had. Halfway through, it seemed reasonable to give up to try again later. But we persevered, and succeeded. Next time, the recent success will encourage us to try again, harder, more joyfully and with greater expectations of success.

Lost Sheep

[ThePlumber1964]

Words of wisdom, LostSheep...

[Larry10625]

Complicated answer for a complicated problem. It's been a LONG time since I have had sex. I am growing very comfortable at the idea of having an implant and all that goes with it FINALLY. Then as luck would have it new issues arise.

I am scared to death at doing something I haven't done for years. My skill at sex. Being relaxed and enjoying it. Over the years the only thing that they gave me an erection was nipple play. I became my own sex partner if you will. What if I can't cum from fucking or blow jobs after I get my implant.

Any similar concern in the beginning?

Frank

After I had my first implant removed because of infection I had to wait 6 months before the second implant. I pleased my wife orally and with toys but she insisted on reciprocating. For some reason I did not get turned on and had to fake a "DRY" orgasm in order for her to feel good. I told her about dry orgasms and explained that they feel just as good just not as messy. She was ok with this and life went on. Then after the second implant I had sex three times... the first one at only 3 weeks... too early and hurt like hell. The second, at 5 weeks hurt less but still hurt. I had to fake an orgasm to finish because it hurt but my wife would not have let herself enjoy herself if I didn't. The third time, I had a mind blowing orgasm. Give it time my friend. It takes time but it happens. Just in case it doesn't, there are guys on here that only have dry orgasms and they love it... feels great, no mess.

Larry

[Lost Sheep]

Another thought occured to me...

Were you afraid you did not know what to do the first time you had sex? Were you clumsy? Were you able to guid your penis in smoothly and without false starts? That was me the first time.

Now, you are re-starting and some of those same feelings of uncertainty may still come up.

Lost Sheep

p.s. Of course, some men soldier on without a hint of self-doubt. I have no idea of the distribution of men between these two extremes...paralyzed to the point of inaction/withdrawal from sex all the way to proceeding as if they had never had E.D>.

I recall in the novel "Casino Royale" (not the movie...the original Ian Fleming book) that after recovering from his injuries James Bond was unsure if he could perform sexually, and the relief he felt when everything actually did work. If Bond can have self-doubt, we must recognize that anything can be overcome by us, real men with real women who care for us.

[TANGERINE]

"afraid of sex"

I remember a frank talk brother "merrix" who once brought up the concept of "my ED damaged brain."

The trouble with ED is that it erodes all your confidence. Performance anxiety is a very real problem for the man with ED and with premature ejaculation. Sex for that man is a rushed, inconsistent, stressful activity that can end with a performance of shame where everyone feels "slighted, robbed, jipped" I remember those years, they were realy bad times. This all got better for me with the injections since the erection would stay for a few hours. But once injections quit working, I was in a really bad place of possibly leading a sexless life.

Well, the implant for sure has cured any concern about the erection -- there is 100% chance of penetration (heck, some of us feel like we could penetrate a buick if we had too). Similarly, there is 100% chance that you can stay hard for an hour if the woman desires.

Here is the trouble, many women and men do not want to go on for 20 minutes. Once you hit that time mark, sex might start to be mechanical and like a gym session. Some women might feel "pressure to orgasm and perform" with a bionic male in a way that does not happen with regular male. What I mean is that a bionic male might say "honey, I will thrust you until you have at least two toe curling orgasms, and I will not stop until you do" Well, that might be a problem if the woman is not into you or not into sex or feels pain or is non-orgasmic through penis in vagina sex. She will feel "pressure" to fake it and will feel like it is all just an inconvenient act.

My point here is that sex should occasionally be considered something different than "a way to have an orgasm."
In fact, the feeling of connectedness and sharing and vulnerability is a big part of it. If the orgasm does not come, then you need to be in the mind set that the closeness was there and the main event did at least happpen. Women face this non-orgasm issue ALL THE TIME and they get by (I suppose, though they often are bitter and unhappy about it).

The "ED damaged brain" does indeed become fearful of sex. The GOOD NEWS, is that this damage to you brain does go away with your new found powers