My story (28 y.o.), considering implant

[freeman91]

Hey guys,

I am 28 years old (almost 29) and live in EU country. I try to outline my story and would be happy to hear your feedback/opinion about my situation and its possible solutions. I will put it chronologically.

Sorry for such a long text with many details, but I wanted to provide you with information necessary for understanding of my problem and also to clarify things for myself. In addition, English is a foreign language for me and I am writing my post quite in a hurry, so sorry in advance for mistakes.

During my early teenage years (I would say since 13 to 17) I had quite high sex drive and good spontaneous erection. At 14 or so I spontaneously ejaculated while watching VHS porn of my uncle for the first time. At 16 I started to use internet and discovered its dark pleasures as femdom porn, sexual chats etc. which, combined with masturbation, gave me very high arousal level (those femdom fantasies still arouse me the most).

My first sexual encounter was at 16 with a prostitute. While she was giving me a blowjob and I finally started to want penetrating her, I suddenly ejaculated. Then, when I was 17, I fell in love with one girl who became my girlfriend and coudn't get it up on 2 occasions we tried to have sex, so she just finished me with a hand. After couple of months we broke up. Then at 19 I met another girl in a club, invited her to my friend's apartment, but failed to get it up. Around this time I stopped watching porn on internet in order to help my issues. At 20 I met one older woman and when we were intimate and alone in a room, I didn't escalate things, because I felt I was not hard enough. At 22 I went to prostitute again. I tried to penetrate her (she was up on me), but my dick was not hard enough, so I finished while we were doing 69. At 25 I went to another prostitute and again my penis didn't get hard enough for penetration and I finished at 69 position or during handjob while giving her cunnilingus (don't remember exactly). She even slightly tied up my hands to arouse me a bit more.

All in all, until age 27 when I finally sorted out my social anxiety (it gradually improved over years) and ADHD (I started to use medication for it) my dating life was pretty bad and was more just about some random encounters. Since 27, though, I started to notice much more interest from girls and have dated more than in all my life before. During this dating period I had another sexual encounter (November 2018), but failed to get it hard again and she finished me with her hand. At that point I decided to go to the doctor and got a receipt for Sildenafil. Afterwards I used it last summer with one woman. We started with 69 and I got hard and finished, I would say, within 5 minutes or since we started 69. After that, I wasn't able to be hard enough for penetration, even though she stimulated me manually quite rigorously for about one hour and I didn't even finish. During that period of time I had a date with one girl (I didn’t use a pill). Even though we were kissing and touching each other, I didn’t escalate things further because my dick was not hard enough and I didn’t have condom with myself.

Last August I met handsome and attractive 19 years old girl. She visited my city for one week. We were hanging out all that week and had really cool time together. She was giving me amazing handjobs in public places like parks or riverside all that time and last day before her departure I booked a hotel room for us. After a lot of foreplay and some unsuccessful attempts to penetrate (I probably wasted 3 or so condoms) I finally made it and had first successful penetration in my life. Even though it didn't last more than couple of minutes and I was helped by pill, I felt quite relieved that I finally managed to do it.

That experience gave me some confidence boost and I felt that things finally going well for me. I started dating another attractive 23 y.o. girl at that period of time (even though, we didn't sleep together because she was from quite conservative environment). At the end of the year I was dating another good-looking 33 years old woman. On our 3rd date she invited me to her apartment and I gladly accepted her invitation because I felt quite aroused by her even just kissing and hugging her in the bar while we were drinking. I would say I wasn't stressed. She was attractive and I had some boost from the first successful intercourse before. Nevertheless, I failed to get it up (she jerked me off manually) and have never seen her again.

Still I wasn't hopeless cause we planned one week trip together to the southern country of EU with that 19 y.o. (now already 20) girl, so I thought I finally gonna have opportunity to have more attempts on sex with the partner I was familiar and had successful attempt with. Unfortunately, first 4 or 5 days she was on period, so we didn't attempt penetrative sex during that time. We still had oral sex and she was giving me amazing handjobs. Then her period finally finished and we attempted to have sex in the morning (I didn't get a pill, cause it was unplanned). Unfortunately, when it was at least somehow erected (not that much, anyway) and I tried to put condom on, my penis got flaccid again. At that point she asked me why I didn't want her. And then she told me she felt pity for me because she didn't think that she was worse or different from other girls (who, according to her words, want to be f*cked). She also said she didn't think that condom was the reason of my issues. I don't think she wanted to hurt me with her words because she is genuine, straightforward person and she is also still in the age when girls are not so apt in telling white lies. But honestly, at that moment I felt totally crashed and powerless, as if the whole burden of existence fell on my shoulders. This painful experience feels like a last drop for me and wake up call to make this problem my first priority and solve it as soon as possible if I want to live normal life.

Since coming back from the trip 3 weeks ago majority of my evenings have been spent by researching information here on Franktalk where I found information about implants which gave me hope that I can live normal and fulfilled life without the heavy burden that I have now.

I don't want to lose more years dealing with this problem. Even though I managed to build my confidence in general and around girls during recent years despite of my ED, but this problem is getting it back from me sucking my mental and physical energy away and I am not sure I am ready to deal with it for longer time.

Summary: have had a lot of unsuccessful attempts for penetrative sex and only successful one, my libido normally is quite low (unless I get some stronger mental stimulation or physical one), especially when I compare it with my huge sexual drive during early teenage years, have had quite rare morning boners and even rarer spontaneous erections (normally I need physical stimulation for erection to happen), have been dealing with this problem since the start of my sexual life.

Looking forward to hear your honest opinion/feedback from you guys about my situation and possible solution for me, especially with regard to implant (however, I just graduated one year ago and don't have big salary yet, so my options in this regard are pretty much limited to EU countries).

[Flavio]

You didn't mention any tests, you have to consult a urologist and undergo a series of tests (e.g. testosterone levels) to rule out any possible physical causes.

BUT I'm willing to bet a million dollars that this is just a case of sexual performance anxiety (coital anxiety). If so, you have nothing to worry about: anxiety is a perfectly normal biological reaction and it is easily treatable.

A few tips:

a) You mentioned ADHD medication, make sure you're not taking any drugs that may cause ED (e.g. most antidepressants will cause ED). Check out Erection Killers thread for more on this.

b) Do some research. Talk to doctors, read books (I strongly recommend anything written by the excellent urologist Tom F. Lue), come to FrankTalk more often. The more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.

c) I suffered from coital anxiety for many years and barely had any sex in my 20s. Oral phentolamine did wonders in my case: phentolamine is not Viagra, it is an entirely different ED treatment that blocks sympathetic action in the penis and improves erections.

d) I used a very effective technique in my younger years: whenever I had a negative sexual experience, I would take a break and avoid sex for a long period of time (e.g. several weeks). This allowed me to clear my mind and regain confidence.

e) Read this excellent article by urologist Tom F. Lue: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4837321/

f) Go see a urologist ASAP and do the tests I mentioned earlier. It's no shame to seek professional help, self-medication is always a risk.

[freeman91]

You didn't mention any tests, you have to consult a urologist and undergo a series of tests (e.g. testosterone levels) to rule out any possible physical causes.

BUT I'm willing to bet a million dollars that this is just a case of sexual performance anxiety (coital anxiety). If so, you have nothing to worry about: anxiety is a perfectly normal biological reaction and it is easily treatable.

A few tips:

a) You mentioned ADHD medication, make sure you're not taking any drugs that may cause ED (e.g. most antidepressants will cause ED). Check out Erection Killers thread for more on this.

b) Do some research. Talk to doctors, read books (I strongly recommend anything written by the excellent urologist Tom F. Lue), come to FrankTalk more often. The more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.

c) I suffered from coital anxiety for many years and barely had any sex in my 20s. Oral phentolamine did wonders in my case: phentolamine is not Viagra, it is an entirely different ED treatment that blocks sympathetic action in the penis and improves erections.

d) I used a very effective technique in my younger years: whenever I had a negative sexual experience, I would take a break and avoid sex for a long period of time (e.g. several weeks). This allowed me to clear my mind and regain confidence.

e) Read this excellent article by urologist Tom F. Lue: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4837321/

f) Go see a urologist ASAP and do the tests I mentioned earlier. It's no shame to seek professional help, self-medication is always a risk.

Thanks for suggestion, Flavio. I appreciate it.

I have booked appointment with urologist and going there in couple of weeks. It's andrology centre and they undertake different tests and use 3 lines of treatment with regard to ED.

I am not sure that my issues are rooted in performance anxiety. In the past, yes, I would say it could have been contributing factor to my first failures. But recently, I was perceiving sexual encounters as something I need to face and practise at it. I had more like learning and experimenting attitude towards it and I wouldn't say that I felt very stressed before those encounters. Especially after that first successful penetrative sex I had a confident boost and thought that probably I was on a good road to resolve my issues. But then I failed with two attractive women again and one of them was the one with whom I already had successful penetration.

Repetitive pattern in many of my failures is that even if I my penis gets hard (however, typically it's not boner hard, but more like 70-80 % hard), in a matter of seconds, while I am trying to put condom on, it becomes flaccid. Physical stimulation stops and my penis fades away really quickly. Even when I masturbate at home without any stress and achieve hardness, if I leave my penis unattended, let's say for 10 seconds or even less, it goes down. I need really strong arousal to keep it erect for longer time.

So technically yes, I can achieve erection (it's not physically impossible for me), but I can't maintain it for any reasonable time. Theoretically, I feel like I can have successful penetrations, but many conditions should be fulfilled: pill, constant physical stimulation of my penis, start of the penetration immediately after physical stimulation of my penis, so I have no time to lose erection, no condoms (for the same reason), understanding and patient partner who is willing to have this hassle with me.

My possible success in penetrative sex is so conditional that I don't feel I am going far with this limited functionality. I don't want to lose my best years and girls in my life while I am trying to figure out some deep reasons of issues in my psyche (if everything turns out to be ok physically) and waiting for miracle solutions to come. I don't want to settle for limited functionality carrying around all mental baggage connected to ED. So that is why at this point I think that implant, with all its shortcomings, might be a solution for me and give me finally stable functional erection and so wanted freedom from ED with it.

With regard to ADHD medication, I've been taking it just a bit more than one year and I can't say that my erection is worse than before. On the contrary, it calmed my mind and made me less anxious person overall (I even get compliments from girls that I am such a calm person which is really unusual for me).

Good to hear that you found something that worked for you. Do you feel like your psychogenic ED is already treated? If yes, do you still use mentioned medication and why? Thanks.

[Flavio]

[...]

I have booked appointment with urologist and going there in couple of weeks. It's andrology centre and they undertake different tests and use 3 lines of treatment with regard to ED.

I am not sure that my issues are rooted in performance anxiety. [...]

I'm glad you're seeing a urologist, that's the right thing to do.

I think you are underestimating the impact of anxiety/depression on sexual performance, though.

The brain is your #1 sex organ, that's where erections start and if it isn't working properly, there's no way you can get erect.

And no, therapy isn't the only solution to psychogenic ED. I've never been to a therapist and I was able to beat this curse with the right oral meds.

Viagra and other PDE-5 inhibitors are excellent but they only work locally, they do nothing to decrease anxiety or improve libido. It is perfectly possible to take Viagra and have no reaction whatsoever because of anxiety or stress.

Adrenaline and other stress hormones work via the sympathetic nervous system to cause penile detumescence and this is where oral phentolamine comes in: this ED treatment blocks those receptors and stops sympathetic action in the penis. And because the sympathetic system also mediates ejaculation, phentolamine can delay ejaculation and improve PE!

Viagra does nothing of that, it merely improves NO levels.

What ADHD medication are you taking? Are you sure it doesn't cause ED? Don't forget to tell your urologist about it.

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

[freeman91]

[...]

I have booked appointment with urologist and going there in couple of weeks. It's andrology centre and they undertake different tests and use 3 lines of treatment with regard to ED.

I am not sure that my issues are rooted in performance anxiety. [...]

I'm glad you're seeing a urologist, that's the right thing to do.

I think you are underestimating the impact of anxiety/depression on sexual performance, though.

The brain is your #1 sex organ, that's where erections start and if it isn't working properly, there's no way you can get erect.

And no, therapy isn't the only solution to psychogenic ED. I've never been to a therapist and I was able to beat this curse with the right oral meds.

Viagra and other PDE-5 inhibitors are excellent but they only work locally, they do nothing to decrease anxiety or improve libido. It is perfectly possible to take Viagra and have no reaction whatsoever because of anxiety or stress.

Adrenaline and other stress hormones work via the sympathetic nervous system to cause penile detumescence and this is where oral phentolamine comes in: this ED treatment blocks those receptors and stops sympathetic action in the penis. And because the sympathetic system also mediates ejaculation, phentolamine can delay ejaculation and improve PE!

Viagra does nothing of that, it merely improves NO levels.

What ADHD medication are you taking? Are you sure it doesn't cause ED? Don't forget to tell your urologist about it.

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

I agree that brain is where everything starts with regard to sex. It's also the most complicated and probably the least understood part of human body. That is why it can be so challenging to figure out issues which are rooted in your brain.

It's called Strattera. I didn't notice any worsening of my erection after I started these meds. On the contrary, I feel less anxious and calmer person since then, which should have positive impact on my erection. Also, my first successful penetrative sex was after I started treatment with Strattera. And I had problems with erection for many years before using those meds.

[Azib92]

You can try all these pills and rugs that everyone else is suggesting.
Or u can just get the implant.
I was in a very similar case as you. Many opportunities and encounters with beautiful girls but couldn’t get it up. No matter the pills. It was a 2/10 chance. If that. I did not want to live my life wondering what if. Even a 8/10 chance is not enough for me. I want 10/10 like it should be.
My current gf I’ve only had sex with once and it was for like 2 min.
Because I was in the same position as you.
It made me say. Screw this. I’m gonna fix this now. You only live once. Make the best of what you’ve got.
I got the implant 5 days ago by the best Dr. Kramer.
I’m in recovery. Still haven’t pumped.
I’m looking forward to using my new merchandise properly in a couple of weeks and properly earn my GF. Sheesh.