wife of someone who wants this implant...need advise

[Marecz6]

OK so I really need some advise - i have tried finding a forum with women who have gone through this surgery but to no avail. I really do understand my husbands frustration - we have tried the pills, and the injections and nothing works. He tells me all the time he wants to feel like a man again. so he is scheduled to have this penile implant surgery so I am going to stress my concerns and i know they may sound stupid so i need someone to talk to me... first of all i hate the fact that it will be an all female staff during the entire procedure...this is truly bothering me and the surgeon told me they really dont have a choice and not many males are available. this is such a personal and intimate thing for us but i am not comfortable with an all female staff. this has caused arguments and strife in our marriage and i need to know how other wives have handled this. i do support him but this is a big issue for me. need someone to talk some sense into me. I have also read that once a man gets this new found sexual freedom..they feel young and virulent again and stray outside the marriage..I so want to support my husband but have these issues...please someone talk to me

[Jaypeep]

Hi! I just want to chime in about your concerns about an all female staff. I come from a medical background and was in patient care for over 10 years. I can’t stress enough how little I or any or the many amazing healthcare professionals are phased in the slightest by nudity or the human genitals. This is a job and I can guarantee you those women who work on your husband have handled thousands of penises and there is ZERO sexual element to this. To them it is no different than working on a foot or arm or whatever. In the course of my day in patient care I saw dozens of naked patients and it was not even something that I thought about. We are trained first and foremost to preserve and respect the dignity of our patients. You truly have nothing to worry about from these professionals.

[oneperson]

Hi,

Regarding sexual freedom and going outside. It depends on the man. Me, for example. I have choosen to live a several months hell because I love my wife. I woudn't go with this for anybody but her, including myself. I never think of use this thing with anybody else. If your husband loves you, nothing to worry about.

[Jaybo1]

Really? in 2020? No disrespect intended, but you need to rethink your thinking. These are medical professionals, its what they do for a living, and its just that, its their job. No need to be insecure or concerned at ALL. there is likely a lot more women in the medical field than men, especially other than Dr's. Are you thinking that they will be turned on by your husband? Do you worry that your husband will be turned on by them? Trust me, the prior isn't going to happen, and the latter, well maybe, but he wants to get the implant for YOU and himself! both of my Urologists have been female and while I harbor some "you don't have a dick, so you have no idea" feelings I know they are irrational. They trained for this, they deal with it on a daily basis so they know whats going on. Will there be shop talk about the tiniest penis ever seen or the largest ever seen? Probably, but that is just human nature. Get a handle on your insecurities and accept that these female staff members are professionals who do this every day and know that they want the best outcome for your husband AND for you

[notaes]

Marecz6

I have been married to a BSN Nurse for 36 years who has worked in all phases of healthcare. She has been a nurse for 40 yrs. I wish you could follow these workers for one day. Your concerns are yours but I assure you the workers are not the slightest interested in your husband. They have families like everyone else and are trying to make a living. You shouldn’t worry any more about these concerns unless it’s your husband your concerned about straying. The workers don’t have time for such things. Most don’t have time to eat lunch much less anything else. I assure you they are some of the most trust worthy people alive. Most chose the profession to help people not screw up their lives. Relax it will all be fine.

[Lost Sheep]

I hear you Marecz6. Welcome to the forum.

There is a forum which welcomes women partners of men with E.D. (with or without implants). It is not as well-attended as this one, but there are a handful of threads wherein wives of loving husbands have expressed feelings similar to yours. https://urotalk.com/forums/viewforum.ph ... 4a6299b864

Also Reddit has some telling testimonials. Unfortunately, I have trouble navigating Reddit. If you can find the subject, it has some reassuring reading.

The desire of a man to have an erection (even if he does not expect to ever have sex again) is a powerful urge. It is an affirmation to himself that no one can give him but his own self. I think it might be hormonal. I don't try to explain it, I just felt it myself and see it reflected here and elsewhere. I felt lessened by decades of E.D. and restored after my implant.

I wondered about going through a period of wanton promiscuity after my sexual ability was restored. I even posted a thread or two asking the question. Here is one, and the answers are more informative than the question.
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7002&p=46591

I believe I can tell you this: If your husband was not inclined to stray before the implant, he will be no more inclined to stray after.

Let me ask you this if it is not too personal (and you don't have to answer if you don't want). Do you desire coital sex with your husband? If so, I see NO PROBLEMS at all in your sex life or the stability of your marriage. A man who loves and is loyal does not change his spots. Upon restoration of his ability to demonstrate that love physically to the object of that love, he will do so with gusto and only with the one he loves. I believe your marriage will be strengthened when he feels (in his own self-image) more like the husband you married. (One caveat: After decades of E.D., my confidence was shaken profoundly. I did not even know if I would remember how to have sex with a functioning penis. It caused my girlfriend to question her desirability. Such are the devastating effects of E.D. on BOTH partners in a loving relationship.)

[Lost Sheep]

I have often posted here this advice: (and I discern from your post that you are one of the women I have in mind), This is advice written for a man to read, so take that into account.

I have found that women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe.

Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that you trust her with your innermost secrets.

Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

So, communicate with your husband. And listen to him the way you want him to listen to you. He may not be able to make the words come out of his mouth (I do not know him, of course.) But he has already told you something of his thought processes. And, more to the point, with "wants to feel like a man again" tells you that this implant will give him something that no external support will. Not even the most loving wife.

Men NEED to get that from inside themselves. It is one of our weaknesses. And our strengths.

[Lost Sheep]

I think these threads may give you some information about how implanted men think, respond and the concerns they have. Especially the first one. It was started by a young woman whose partner has an implant.

What will she think? - a womans perspective
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=6513

Any offers for sex from intrigued girls?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=7166

How will young women respond to implants?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 9&start=30

Afraid of sex
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 3&start=10

Is this a common story?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... =6&t=10089

Does it feel different to her?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... =6&t=10103[/quote]

Partners Views of Implant
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=12966

[Agfa13]

Wow, I am not sure where to begin to even offer advice on this one.
Have you watched some vids on what a penile implant encompasses? Arm yourself with knowledge.
Let me offer one to ease your fears... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwpdmDKcWm0
You should concern yourself with aftercare. He will be cranky, out of commission, whiny, restless, (anyone else can chime in....), etc.
Aside from the Dr. himself and the Anesthethist, my surgery team consisted of women. Heck, how do you even know its all women on the team?
Recovery was 2 nurses, all they saw was my dick bandaged up. I am so sore right now that if a cute guy came up and offered to blow me, I would turn him down.
He is not going to be functional, as in penile penetration for at least 3 months (but we are all different on recovery). He will not feel amorous.
You think this is going to be fun???

[b_rad2]

Just had implant and the only male was my surgeon. The rest were women in both his office and the surgical center. The women were totally professional!

Don’t be insecure! It’s a little awkward for your husband too.
Worry about things that matter. Support your husband because if he goes through with the surgery he will need an emotionally stable spouse. Really...you have worked yourself up for nothing and if you have any libido left, you will be blessed with intimacy again which has been known to strengthen a marriage.

I wish you the best in your marriage and hope you can get over this moment of jealousy. You need to understand that sex is why your husband courted you in the first place. Then comes love and marriage.