wife of someone who wants this implant...need advise

[Sensei]

OK so I really need some advise - i have tried finding a forum with women who have gone through this surgery but to no avail. I really do understand my husbands frustration - we have tried the pills, and the injections and nothing works. He tells me all the time he wants to feel like a man again. so he is scheduled to have this penile implant surgery so I am going to stress my concerns and i know they may sound stupid so i need someone to talk to me... first of all i hate the fact that it will be an all female staff during the entire procedure...this is truly bothering me and the surgeon told me they really dont have a choice and not many males are available. this is such a personal and intimate thing for us but i am not comfortable with an all female staff. this has caused arguments and strife in our marriage and i need to know how other wives have handled this. i do support him but this is a big issue for me. need someone to talk some sense into me. I have also read that once a man gets this new found sexual freedom..they feel young and virulent again and stray outside the marriage..I so want to support my husband but have these issues...please someone talk to me

Do realize that this post is a total goof -- a kind of "phony phone call" to our discussion board. Read this with a critical eye and consider if it could be legitimate.

[Lost Sheep]

Do realize that this post is a total goof -- a kind of "phony phone call" to our discussion board. Read this with a critical eye and consider if it could be legitimate.

I must disagree.

What specific points do you see that a critical eye would read as suggesting otherwise, please?

There was another thread wherein the poster was a young woman telling her story of sex with her implanted boyfriend (who had not told her he was implanted). The entire first page of responses was accusing her of not being a female, but of (essentially) being a troll.

Subsequently, evidence proved (virtually 100% certainty) the sincerity of the O.P.

I think this one is also sincere and truthful.

I may be prejudiced, of course. I am generally credulous and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I also believe women should be invited to post (even if in a limited area of the forum.) I believe the distaff side of humanity can contribute much to the discussion here.

[Frank Talk Admin]

We need to find funding for a companion site for partners of Franktalk!

This is not really about any man's ED experience, this is an issue that needs to be part of couple's therapy. I have contacted the OP and told her this, but FT is for men struggling with ED and not for this kind of issue.

Would someone buy a lottery ticket? lol
Paul

[Lost Sheep]

We need to find funding for a companion site for partners of Franktalk!

This is not really about any man's ED experience, this is an issue that needs to be part of couple's therapy. I have contacted the OP and told her this, but FT is for men struggling with ED and not for this kind of issue.

Would someone buy a lottery ticket? lol
Paul

urotalk(dot)com has forums welcoming to women addressing (among many other urological issues) E.D. specifically. It is not as well-attended as this forum, though.

I have recommended it in private messages before (because it is a .com, there are (regulatory/tax) issues with a .org linking to it in a public manner. (This is why I used "dot" instead of "." in the mention above.)

There were a couple of poignant threads VERY much worth reading for both men and women there.

OPEN SUGGESTION TO PAUL: Is there any way a separate section (similar to the "Members Only" section) on FrankTalk dedicated to women's issues with their male partners' Prostate/E.D./whatever issues? As I have written before,

1) the female point of view would be valuable to many male E.D. sufferers and

2) male (sexual) partners of E.D. sufferers are not excluded here.

[Bandit]

OK. I’ll be the one to say it. All your husband has been through and will go through and all you can think about is your insecurities. Do you have any idea how many men are OBGYNs. How many women, although uncomfortable have their most intimate parts examined and conversations about their sexual lives, experiences and concerns. Do you really think you should worry about who will see or touch his penis. You say you support him. Tell me how. If this post is real, you just made me even more thankful for the wife that i have !
Bandit

[Lost Sheep]

OK. I’ll be the one to say it. All your husband has been through and will go through and all you can think about is your insecurities. Do you have any idea how many men are OBGYNs. How many women, although uncomfortable have their most intimate parts examined and conversations about their sexual lives, experiences and concerns. Do you really think you should worry about who will see or touch his penis. You say you support him. Tell me how. If this post is real, you just made me even more thankful for the wife that i have !
Bandit

She came looking for support. A reality check such as yours is, of course, support of a kind. It is worthwhile for her to examine her own self from a perspective other than her own. So, your comments are valid, and I hope she thanks you for your input. Introspection, after all, has some relationship to self-absorption.

I think it is just as likely that the O.P. does support her husband AND (in addition to loving him and supporting him) has insecurities about women around him and the potential for him to react to attention he receives (perhaps inappropriately - in either direction - the professionals around him are unlikely to behave badly, but he might misinterpret care for caring).

It is not uncommon for both sets of emotions (her support and her insecurities) to be contained within the same heart.

[Gt1956]

Lost Sheep. Consider this for a moment. I have seen something similar in groups of religious conservative women. They use what we call urban legends to steer the group so to speak. Add to this that it only takes a couple of outspoken women that don't particularly enjoy sex to bring the anti sex legends out. The fear of her husband straying is what I'm addressing. At least it sounds to me like the fear of an affair is rooted in a myth based on an urban legend that is used to beat up a woman into not letting her husband get an implant. Heaven forbid that the other husbands learn that there is an effective way to return to usable erections. The "no sex" advocates feel like they need to squash this stuff before they're expected to perform. Just my opinion, believe it or not. Early in our marriage all kinds of stuff like this came out of a woman down the street a few houses. It seemed to never fail that whatever thought or practice that she was against world have a tale to show how it would lead the husband or kids astray.

[Lost Sheep]

Lost Sheep. Consider this for a moment. I have seen something similar in groups of religious conservative women. They use what we call urban legends to steer the group so to speak. Add to this that it only takes a couple of outspoken women that don't particularly enjoy sex to bring the anti sex legends out. The fear of her husband straying is what I'm addressing. At least it sounds to me like the fear of an affair is rooted in a myth based on an urban legend that is used to beat up a woman into not letting her husband get an implant. Heaven forbid that the other husbands learn that there is an effective way to return to usable erections. The "no sex" advocates feel like they need to squash this stuff before they're expected to perform. Just my opinion, believe it or not. Early in our marriage all kinds of stuff like this came out of a woman down the street a few houses. It seemed to never fail that whatever thought or practice that she was against world have a tale to show how it would lead the husband or kids astray.

I get it. Certainly first-hand witnessing of inappropriate emotional reactions (as you saw down your street and at other times in your experience) is a powerful influence in your experience. I have seen such as well, myself and acknowledge their existence and universality.

I chose to give more benefit of doubt to the O.P.

Yes, her fears do seem rooted in the puritanical, "sex is bad" and "men are wanderers by their nature" tropes.

Dissuading a person from those prejudices is tricky business.

[Strutter]

Worrying that your husband will ran away if he has options is like worrying your dog will ran away to a new owner, because he has better treats.
Seriously, men and women alike value the relationship far more than some piece of ass. You have build a relationship with this man for how many years? He is your partner in life and you stood by him, even though he was unable to give you sex. Did you think about running away with some stud? I am sure it never crossed your mind. So dont think your husband is less caring, loving loyal than you are. And if by some chance he is - then you are better off without him.
And no amount of jealousy is good for any relationship. It creates mistrust and doubt. If you have done nothing wrong and you are still a suspect communication suffers and people start lying or withholding information in order to ease suspicion. It draws you apart.
I had a recent conversation about rich guys dumping long time wife for younger ones. On the surface it is always assumed the fault is within the man and the new bride. In reality each and every case I know it was the first wife who alienated the guy and made him miserable ultimately. If your bond is strong and you make each other happy, nothing and no one can break it.

[Gt1956]

Analyzing someone's written word can be a stroll down a mine laid path. But I'm going to try giving it a shot while giving the op the benefit of the doubt.
"I really do understand my husbands frustration - we have tried the pills, and the injections and nothing works."
She seems to share her husband's frustration. I'm guessing that she also shares his feeling of wanting a love life back.
"I am going to stress my concerns and i know they may sound stupid so i need someone to talk to me..."
Ok, she has concerns but admits that they might not make sense. Almost like someone has fed her these concerns.
"I hate the fact that it will be an all female staff during the entire procedure...this is truly bothering me and the surgeon told me they really dont have a choice and not many males are available. This is such a personal and intimate thing for us but i am not comfortable with an all female staff. This has caused arguments and strife in our marriage and i need to know how other wives have handled this."
I wish that his surgeon had explained that many of the team in any surgery are female. They are trained RN's there to assist the surgeon. Leering & groping are not on their minds.
"need someone to talk some sense into me. I have also read that once a man gets this new found sexual freedom..they feel young and virulent again and stray outside the marriage."
Sounds like she is asking for help to counter what others have told her might happen. I can only offer that in my reading of FT. I haven't found much evidence of cheating in members that have what appears to be a receptive wife. The emotional bond between a man & woman is part of the enjoyment of a sexual relationship. OP, I believe that you have nothing to worry about. I suggest that you both should just do your best to wear the implant out. Enjoy your marriage.