Another New Guy

[Ringo1968]

Hi, Guys. I'm 44, married with 2 kids, reasonably healthy other than my ED. Not sure how much detail you're all interested in hearing right off the bat, but here's my story:

I've struggled on and off with erection issues my whole adult life. If I had to sum it up, I'd say: It works, but not always...and not always very well. Things have gotten much worse the past 3 years or so. I've tried a bunch of things. Ruled out physiological problems, except for borderline LT...but testosterone injections really didn't help much and I discontinued them several months ago. Viagra worked for awhile, but then didn't work very well. Tried therapy to deal with the performance anxiety, and that's had mixed results.

I tried Cialis 5mg several months ago, and it was like a miracle. Trouble is, I didn't tell my wife about it for awhile...and when I did, she freaked out. Worried that I'm not attracted to her, etc., plus she is VERY distrustful of conventional medicine...but mostly she was angry that I didn't confide in her. So, we worked that out, but I discontinued the Cialis and had continued mixed results. Then I started taking the Cialis again...and again (I know, I know) without telling my wife. Again, it worked like a charm. Erections like I've never had, and absolutely no anxiety.

But again, there was really no way to continue that without bringing my wife into it. So, I told her a couple of weeks ago. And she freaked out again. I'm pretty sure at this point we're going to stay together, but the trust thing is pretty damaged. And we've been so locked up on that, we haven't had much of a chance to talk about the underlying issue.

I've told her that I'm still attracted to her and that the Cialis only lets my body really show how attracted I am, but I'm not sure she's buying it. (I've also told her that if I wasn't attracted to her, I wouldn't have bothered with the Cialis). Anyway, she's focused on non-existent side-effects and thinks I'm taking the easy way out rather than dealing with the underlying issues. I'm getting frustrated with her reluctance to simply accept what I consider to be a gift from God.

So, I'm going to try going back to therapy and cutting back on my drinking for a couple of months (not that it is excessive in the first place, mind you)....and then, I guess we'll see. But man, it's been a really rough ride. I don't think she, or anyone, really appreciates how deeply ED strikes at us, and all the havoc it plays with us emotionally and psychologically.

That's my story. Glad to find you guys.

Ringo

[radiodec]

I take it from the note that she didn't mind the Viagra when it worked. Tactfully remind here of that while explaining the Cialis is just another drug similar to Viagra that happens to work better for you. It is also supposed to help prevent enlarged prostate ( a very good side effect).

She would really freak if you had to go to the point my wife and I finally did after my prostate cancer surgery; I have a penile implant that I use to get it up.

Dave

[Ringo1968]

Actually, she didn't much like the Viagra either. On top of her general objection to conventional medical solutions, she also felt like she needed to make an appointment when I only had 8-10 pills a month. So, she's opposed to pretty much any pharmaceutical answer.....

Can't imagine what it would take to convince her I need injections or an implant....

[trimix60]

Wow....Last thing you need is a wife that will not try and understand .....that is your fear and why you have not been able to share with her.....that is really to bad .

Sounds like she needs some counseling......If she truly loves you....she should want to accept things that will help you out...sounds like she is making this problem all about her....something like this should be easily shared with your partner.

Good luck my friend.....maybe your wife should do some soul searching over this and see someone to help with the way she is looking at this problem.

Let us know what happens.

Cheers,

Curt

[Ringo1968]

Thanks, Curt. I definitely didn't help things by concealing the Cialis from her. That's the main problem right now.

In a way, her refusal to go along with the Cialis is liberating. I can try her approach -- more therapy, cutting back on my drinking -- and if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and she can either changer her perspective or deal with the consequences. Of course, if her approach works, that's great, too (although I really doubt it will). The fact that she has taken my preferred remedy off the table really reduces the pressure and anxiety....

[Bionic_by_AMS]

Ringo,
I think you are missing the big picture here ... if Cialis helps, then that indicates a blood flow problem. So you need to find out why that is an issue at your age. Most cases of sexual dysfunction are related to a physical cause.

The most common causes are diabetes, atherosclerosis/plaque (85% of men older than 50), high cholesterol and side effects of medications. Blood Pressure meds/Diuretics (water pills) and beta-blockers drugs are most commonly linked to ED. Cholesterol meds (statins) lower testosterone and DHEA.

I would suggest getting a full scale blood test ... including your testosterone levels, Cholesterol, etc. Make sure to ask for a printed copy of your results. Discuss with your doctor (don't be shy) your issues and whatever your results show ...

It sounds to me like your wife does not take your ED very seriously ... you need to educate her on this issue as ED does not fix itself!
A good place to start: http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/

Keep us posted of your progress ...

[Jbcsatx]

Wow-tough situation you are in! I took viagra and cialis and levitra for ten years and never disclosed it to anyone and got away with it until it stopped working. I do not understand at all but I am not in your shoes. If it worked as well as you say, I would never stop taking it until it quit working. Very simple solution-take one pill every day and able to funtion sexually should make you and her happy. Of course I am a pharmacist and I like it when people take the drugs and get positive results. That is why they are on the market. I would have never had an implant had the drugs not stopped working. I hope your wife talks with someone who will convince her that being able to overcome an obstacle such as ED with one pill a day is a miracle. It does nothing for the underlying problem leading to ED but there seems to not be much success with that anyway. You have tried counseling etc with not great results although I am a fan of counseling because anyone who has suffered from ED has some issues that counseling can help but it does not and will not resolve the issue at hand. I wish you the best and feel sad for you that you can not take the Cialis which works well and have a healthy sex life with your significant other Jim

[Ringo1968]

Thanks, guys. Bionic, when my ED got significantly worse a few years ago, I had the full battery of tests -- everything you mentioned, plus an ultrasound. I'm not taking any medications that would cause ED and I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Borderline LT, but replacement didn't help much. So, maybe the Cialis has a placebo effect? Or maybe I have some physiological issue that just hasn't been uncovered yet.... Or most likely both. But I'm pretty healthy overall.

Jbcsatx, have you found that is common for oral meds to stop working over time? I don't want to get ahead of myself, but it would really suck if I have to go through all of this just to get the green light to resume the Cialis....and then find out that it only works for me for a few years (if that). I haven't seen anything anywhere, other than a stray comment on this site and on the WebMD site, to suggest such a temporary effect...but I'm wondering if there's any truth to it.

[Jbcsatx]

I would not worry about the meds stopping working. Sounds like Cialis is working very well-take it enjoy it and do not even think about the possibility that it might stop working. I took Viagra from the day it was available and then tried and used the others as they came on the market. Cialis did nothing for me but give me back pain so I stuck to Levitra and Viagra-they actually still worked pretty well but the side effects worsened and it got to be expensive especially when you took them anticipating sex and it did not happen. I have suffered with ED my entire life so the implant route sounded like a miracle for me and it has been but it is not something you should do without serious consideration and not at all as long as there is an alternative for you. I am certain there are new drugs on the horizon and viagra should be available generically in the US next year and it will be very affordable-taking away the price factor which I know will give many men a financial relief. I could have kept taking the drugs or tried injections but I chose implant. It is such a relief to not have to rely on drugs and time things just right-spontanaity is awesome-something I have never experienced-no more emotional stress that occurred when you had a failed experience-no one can imagine the mental anguish that being in the moment and not being able to perform unless they have experienced it. My mental state is 100 percent better which overflows to all areas of my life. Keep taking the cialis and for God's sake dont disclose if it causes that much marital stress. Apparently she likes the benefits of you taking it. Hang in there--JC

[Ringo1968]

Thanks again to all of you. It means a lot to get your views instead of staying in my own head.