Just turned 30 - reflections on a lost decade and conflicted about implant (advice welcome)

[CuriosDK]

Hi all,

I've just turned 30 and it's prompted a lot of reflection. I grew up with a lot of anxiety, particularly socially, so wasted a lot of years in my shell. By my mid-20s I'd shaken a lot of that off and I had my first experience with ED during my first sexual encounter. I was a little drunk at the time and entirely blindsided, didn't think too much of it but it happened again the next time (both ONSs). This kicked off a pattern whereby I would: go out and have a ONS -> be unable to perform -> avoid sex until I felt it might be different this time -> repeat. Over the years I started using Cialis and whilst it works when I'm on my own it's yet to work for penetrative sex. I've found I need constant stimulation to maintain an erection and maybe this is why the point of penetration is an issue for me.

I'm booking an appointment with a urologist to check for whether there are any physical factors to consider, but for the moment I'm assuming its a fairly extreme psychological case. Since learning about implants I'm now at a crossroads:

- On the one hand all my sexual experience has been ONSs or after a few dates with someone where I knew it wasn't going anywhere, I feel like if I connected with someone in a meaningful way maybe that would ease my psychological performance anxiety and I could have a regular sex life after having that experience. If an implant is a final-line treatment and my case is psychological maybe I should spend time trying to address that before taking a more drastic, irreversible step.

- On the other hand, I'm getting older, ED has already taken years from me. I want to explore my sexuality as well as have a family in the future, on that front I'm beginning to feel like I'm running out of time and an implant would be a guaranteed solution. After years of hiding from the world the confidence of knowing I could not just perform, but go over and over on-demand, would be (I imagine) transformative.

Anyone else tempted by the implant but conflicted?

Any thoughts would be welcome.

[Lost Sheep]

My quick answer, awaiting time to compose a more complete one:

One night stands are not the best way to diagnose E.D. Especially if you have doubts about your sexual performance.

A stable relationship with a real girl is essential for a man's first experience with coitus (though many men's libidos survive less-than-ideal first experiences). I said "essential", not "necessary".

A willing partner, able and eager to help you achieve penetration into her is HIGHLY motivated to ensure you perform to both your satisfactions.

Women are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe. Criteria often absent in one night stands. So, my advice is to get a girlfriend, cultivate a relationship wherein both of you want to please each other physically. Only then attempt coitus. This requires patience. Alternative is to seek out a sexual/psychological therapist who might prescribe a sexual surrogate to "coach" you through your first "real" coital experience. Coitus is instinctive, but not completely. Humans need to LEARN how to do many things completely instinctual for other creatures.

[Endoftheline]

Hi all,

I've just turned 30 and it's prompted a lot of reflection. I grew up with a lot of anxiety, particularly socially, so wasted a lot of years in my shell. By my mid-20s I'd shaken a lot of that off and I had my first experience with ED during my first sexual encounter. I was a little drunk at the time and entirely blindsided, didn't think too much of it but it happened again the next time (both ONSs). This kicked off a pattern whereby I would: go out and have a ONS -> be unable to perform -> avoid sex until I felt it might be different this time -> repeat. Over the years I started using Cialis and whilst it works when I'm on my own it's yet to work for penetrative sex. I've found I need constant stimulation to maintain an erection and maybe this is why the point of penetration is an issue for me.

I'm booking an appointment with a urologist to check for whether there are any physical factors to consider, but for the moment I'm assuming its a fairly extreme psychological case. Since learning about implants I'm now at a crossroads:

- On the one hand all my sexual experience has been ONSs or after a few dates with someone where I knew it wasn't going anywhere, I feel like if I connected with someone in a meaningful way maybe that would ease my psychological performance anxiety and I could have a regular sex life after having that experience. If an implant is a final-line treatment and my case is psychological maybe I should spend time trying to address that before taking a more drastic, irreversible step.

- On the other hand, I'm getting older, ED has already taken years from me. I want to explore my sexuality as well as have a family in the future, on that front I'm beginning to feel like I'm running out of time and an implant would be a guaranteed solution. After years of hiding from the world the confidence of knowing I could not just perform, but go over and over on-demand, would be (I imagine) transformative.

Anyone else tempted by the implant but conflicted?

Any thoughts would be welcome.

i agree with LS, you NEED to have a long term relationship to be fully comfortable and let nature take its course. i have been in relationships that lasted over 2 years and still suffered from bad ED, they were maintained with cunnilingus and plenty of cuddles. its impossible to eliminate psychological cause of ED if you were never comfortable in a sexual setting.