first wife complaint

[sirgawain]

I know we are men and not supposed to share our feelings but....

So my wife and I were talking last night and she finally came out and admitted how bummed she is about my having to do shots to get excited, she misses spontaneous romance, feels like she has to schedule sex, and feels like she's not enough for me which is why I need shots.

Was kinda depressing, frankly. Because you know what, it bums ME out that I need meds to make my dick function like it used to. I'm not that old, but it is what it is. I just didn't know what to say other than to acknowledge her feelings but it left me feeling defeated today.

Just thought I'd share.

[Lost Sheep]

I know we are men and not supposed to share our feelings but....

So my wife and I were talking last night and she finally came out and admitted how bummed she is about my having to do shots to get excited, she misses spontaneous romance, feels like she has to schedule sex, and feels like she's not enough for me which is why I need shots.

Was kinda depressing, frankly. Because you know what, it bums ME out that I need meds to make my dick function like it used to. I'm not that old, but it is what it is. I just didn't know what to say other than to acknowledge her feelings but it left me feeling defeated today.

Just thought I'd share.

Women do get a lot of validation from having their desirability confirmed. A husband's erection is tangible evidence. But you can provide other evidence of your ardor that will be able to validate her desirability just as well. Flowers on no special occasion, random kisses and caresses, compliments. But you know what REALLY turns a woman on? Sharing your feelings with her. And don't forget the foreplay and the afterplay.

Having successfully avoided the institution of marriage for 73 years, I now feel qualified to give advice on the matter in any situtation.

[bldoink]

I'm sorry you had that experience. I've no doubt it was a bit depressing. She needs a little education about how common it is and how distressing it is for men who suffer from it.

Good luck.

[1969CevyC10]

bldoink, you are certainly aware of my issues. Last night after things did not work AGAIN,
my wife looked at me and said"I think I understand now, it must be me and my old looks".
We will be married 46 years on Valentines Day, a week from now. My wife has been through
all of this with me, the pump, the rings, the Muse, the edex20, two times failure with the
caverject, I guess I would ask the same question. After assuring and re-assuring all I could,
I know she still things SHE is the main cause for my ED issues and having to inject, etc.
Women do get insecure at times, even with all the assurance they can be given. She is my
partner, my lover, my wife, there will never be another woman, but I don't know if I have
convinced her, even now. I do think I saw the best response to most of this, and that is
simply to make her educated on how many men do deal with ED, and is has NOTHING to
do with the woman, it's all a man's problem that happens. I am being as understanding
and loving as I can right now, this is not a simple issue to deal with, for either of us.
Thank you for sharing bldoink, I admire your courage

[Bromius]

So my wife and I were talking last night and she finally came out and admitted how bummed she is about my having to do shots to get excited, she misses spontaneous romance, feels like she has to schedule sex, and feels like she's not enough for me which is why I need shots.

Resist the urge to be reactive here. She's experiencing the same amalgam of emotions, confusion, and pain as you are and her feelings here are valid. They're mostly wrong, but I don't doubt her sincerity.

You might suggest that for a lesser woman, you wouldn't go through the bother and pain.

[AnotherOldMan]

You didn't say how long you have been married. Since you are 54 I "assume" 20+ years? If she is within 4 or 5 years of your age she must be nearing menopause. Her body is going through many changes as she ages. This may add to her insecurity.
In the midst of a busy life, two people have to carve out time to be alone together. Having scheduled sex is way better than having no sex or gradually increasing time between sex.The fact you are 54 and are willing to stick a needle in your dick to continue having sex with her is a testament to your desire for her.

As an aside, I think spontaneous sex is not all it's cracked up to be. I have come to cherish our scheduled sex time when we clear away all the clutter of day to day living and make time for each other.

[Old Guy]

That hurts. Pretty much went through the same thing when my ED got bad, about your same age. Always hated using pills because it was always scheduled sex. Injections interrupted the mood needing to jump out of bed and stick a needle in. When both failed me, the wife tolerated masturbation and the occasional toy for a couple years, then one night as I was warming her up she told me "I can't do it this way anymore."
My thoughts ran wild, will she seek a hard dick elsewhere? Is this the end of sex? Depression set in. The wife is 17 years younger, but we'd been married for 30 years at that time.
Fortunately, she did understand why I was having issues and supported me through surgery. ED is more common than many think because so many men are hesitant talking about it.

[1969CevyC10]

I will share this.....I approached my wife this morning about reading more about ED and
becoming more educated about the issue. To my surprise, she has been reading a great
deal about ED issues, probably more than I have read. What made her feel the way she
felt was the fact that I injected and started to become aroused but then not so good.
Again, I may have injected a little bit into the sweet spot, but not all of it. I do think
I need 1/2" needles so make it work and we will find out this weekend, I have a bag of
1/2" needles on the way. Wish me luck, I need all I can get because I am becoming very
frustrated. I was hoping to impress her last weekend and I got nothing.......

[Old Guy]

I will share this.....I approached my wife this morning about reading more about ED and
becoming more educated about the issue. To my surprise, she has been reading a great
deal about ED issues, probably more than I have read. What made her feel the way she
felt was the fact that I injected and started to become aroused but then not so good.
Again, I may have injected a little bit into the sweet spot, but not all of it. I do think
I need 1/2" needles so make it work and we will find out this weekend, I have a bag of
1/2" needles on the way. Wish me luck, I need all I can get because I am becoming very
frustrated. I was hoping to impress her last weekend and I got nothing.......

Good Luck! Hope you hit the sweet spot and can make your wife a happy lady!
As much as I couldn't believe it, when I was contemplating getting implanted my wife did some research about ED. She never told me until after my surgery while I was healing.
Injections for me got to be hit or miss. To keep the wife happy is why I had to do the implant.

[ScrewedbyDoctors]

ED is a physical problem, but a lot of women don't understand, they think that if you don't get hard right away is because you are not attracted to them. When I was younger I could get hard with any woman because my erections were ready at anytime with anyone.