Envious of others

[Alan810]

I'm envious of those men posting on FT that their partners are often horny or have strong libidos. I have the reverse situation. My wife of 40+ years has no libido and says she has no sensitivity or erogenous areas outside of her private parts. Romantic foreplay is non-existent. It's turn on a porn film, a little bit of oral (both), pump up and set the rings and then go to it - with or without the help of a vibrator. She does orgasm once and that's it - too sensitive and can't be touched after.

Many years ago, our sex consisted of a lot of different ways of foreplay. Now I find that she says she was never sensitive anywhere else. Then came the ED which lasted for many years and Uro was not much help other than prescribing pills and shots which for various reason, did not work, or were not tolerated. Sex was almost non-existent for many of those years. When I stated reading up on FT, I discovered VED's and rings which solved the ED issue for me, but I also think that having had past problems had turned the wife off. She did allude to my ED once or twice.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much because we do now have a date night weekly...but none-the-less, I do miss a little aggressiveness, desire and romance.

I'm sure there are others in FTland that are in similar situations. What, if anything, had they done about it? Like to hear from you....

[brickbat]

Learn to be multi orgasmic. There are several approaches to get there. Google MINDGASM, consider the Aneros website, take a look at Reddit Aneros, Reddit Prostate Play, Reddit Prostate Stories. Prostate orgasms are total body orgasms like your wife had when she had a really great toe curling orgasm. Men can learn to rewire their prostates and orgasm multiple times by many methods out there. There is even a website that sells a CD for a couple of hundred bucks which teaches men to learn multiple orgasms. (Jack Johnston) Take your pick and discover the closest thing to the fountain of youth for us aging men. Get going.

No advice on a wife who is post menopausal and not interested in sex. There are websites out there for you too on that subject, but in revitalizing an aging couples sex life, it takes two to tango.

[Martin6469]

Get a realistic dildo larger than you are and hold it in her while she masturbates. My wife loves this.

[happycamper59]

I'm not sure you should be envious if, at the age of 82, you're getting it weekly. Sir, I am envious of you! My wife has little desire but man does she have an orgasm from my tongue. Doesn't like to be touched there (before, during and certainly not after!) and my willy doesn't work well for penetration even with Trimix in the mix. But that's another story.

[Alan810]

Martin6469: Thanks for response. Wish I could - tried - but no foreign objects allowed inside. Her orgasms are not the problem, but rather it's her seeming lack of interest/desire. Everything it too repetitive and mechanical.

grandhaven: posted with similar situation. I'm just trying to hear from others who have the same issues and what, if anything, they have done about it. It's kind of like using an anatomically correct doll that orgasms.

[sogwap]

Alan: Who is turning on the porn film?

Seriously, I'm envious. LOL

Last year I tracked our sex encounters, for science (or sanity) sake, just to prove to myself how little sex was happening.
The year started with my wife telling no sex tonight. Total was 18 times. or once or maybe twice a month. November was no sex month (not by my choice).
So far this year it's be less than once a month.

Similar my wife is not dead down there. But seems she wants more reliable sex. Which as much as I try, doesnt seem to do much for her.

As far as suggestions, where are you with being able to talk about the situation with your wife?

[Lost Sheep]

To all men whose wives/partners are not responsive, try this experimentally.

Make it clear that you are not expecting sex (I don't know how to do this in the context of my next sentence, but you might e able to think of something)

Give her a non-sexual sensual massage. Feet are a good bet if you don't go above the ankles. Shoulders are usually easily accessible, but if she is hyper-vigilant about sexual implications might be a difficult sell.

If you go for the feet, washing them first, slowly, is a good start. Then massage oil. Olive oil is good. Peanut oil my girlfriend says) is better. Fragrant oils better still. Have more towels on nad than you think you will need. She will not want to walk across carpet with oily feet.

She may wonder what you are up to. How you convince her your intentions are honest and have no expectations is up to you, but VERY important that you do. She will not be able to relax and enjoy if she is expecting you to switch gears and expect sex all of a sudden.

Once having done this, maybe a few times, she will begin to trust you and relax and appreciate that you REALLY DO want to pleasure her. Most women will want to reciprocate in some way or other.

I admit I have never done this. But then, I hever had to. There have been occasions where Iwanted to and did do similar things.

Ifshe resists the massage thing, start with something simpler and less out-of-character or suggestive. Do the dishes after dinner. Make her feel cared for. Works wonders. Might take perseverance. Worth it!!!

[Alan810]

Sogwap: It started with me turning on the porn - now it's her wanting me to turn it on - almost like she wants to get it over with... For many years there was no sex which was probably due to my ED problem. When I started trying to correct it, along with a lot of coercion (nagging) and her "not that subject again", the situation slowly changed. I applied a little bit of guilt - telling her of some or the severe emotional problems other men describe on FT. Also told her I needed her help to get over my ED problem which I alluded to might have been inadvertently contributed to by her having mentioned it in the past as well as avoiding sex. Started going out to dinner once a week like a date night. Use a handheld vibrator on her clit along with my penetration, which solves the orgasm issue for her.

Lost Sheep: Won't work in my case. She does not want to be touched or caressed anywhere else. Won't even go to a masseuse for a message.

Thanks, for the responses....

[Lost Sheep]

Lost Sheep: Won't work in my case. She does not want to be touched or caressed anywhere else. Won't even go to a masseuse for a message.

Thanks, for the responses....

Maybe if you start light? Just hand-holding for short periods. Then massage the back of her hand or fingers. Work up from there? Might work. Might not.

Thanks for responding.

[AmansinCali]

This subject came up this morning in my household before we had sex, my wife is 75 and I am 77. I use tri-mix so none of lovemaking is spontaneous. Having coffee first thing, she said, "Do you want to play today?" I said, "Well that was romantic." Then she explained in words that I and all you guys know, but haven't heard, "I don't get horny like you do, I don't have balls and a pecker talking to me, but I know how edgy you get when you don't have sex a couple times a week." Then, "I don't get horny until you start playing with me."

We never talked much about sex, just did it when the mood struck; however, since I have been on tri-mix for a little over a year it has almost forced us to speak more openly. As ED settled in I began to assure her that it was not her fault, it was just the way nature works, but I told her I would get it fixed. I began to share with her some of the stories I read on FT and how some women just don't seem to care about their husband's needs. I read one rather dramatic post to her once by a sex starved husband and she said, "That is just plain cruel."

We are having the best sex of our lives and I know it is from speaking more openly about our sexual relationship.

As it has been pointed out over and over again on FT, getting turned on and satisfied is about 90% in the brain. Those who recommend starting a verbal conversation about why you need sex more than her I think are on the right track. Open up and get it on the table.