Fed up

[pete199]

Like a lot of others here I feel like my battle with ED has ruined my life. I used to be fine before an accident during sex 10yrs ago (actually my inconsiderate ex wife more to blame). A couple years ago my wife started cheating with another man. Of course she revelled in telling me what a better lover he was. Thing is, it’s most likely true. I was forced out of the family home and he now lives there. I feel a great deal of shame like this is my fault and I somehow deserve to be alone and miserable due to some shitty random incident that most guys never have to deal with. I’ve been dumped by girlfriends twice in a row since then and am currently just starting dating another woman. She’s a few years older than me but very attractive and intelligent. I’m already thinking about breaking it off before sex as just can’t be bothered anymore with the heartache and would rather be alone. I feel a lot of pressure surrounding sex like I am going to be judged and must perform to standards that I just can’t achieve anymore. This whole thing has just screwed my head up as a man, I just want to go back to who I was before. Some days I have thought about killing myself over this, just don’t know where to turn anymore. It’s humiliating.
Btw I have seen several urologists (no help), go to the gym almost daily, don’t drink alcohol and otherwise healthy. Just can’t help thinking ‘why me?’

[Lost Sheep]

Like a lot of others here I feel like my battle with ED has ruined my life. I used to be fine before an accident during sex 10yrs ago (actually my inconsiderate ex wife more to blame). A couple years ago my wife started cheating with another man. Of course she revelled in telling me what a better lover he was. Thing is, it’s most likely true. I was forced out of the family home and he now lives there. I feel a great deal of shame like this is my fault and I somehow deserve to be alone and miserable due to some shitty random incident that most guys never have to deal with. I’ve been dumped by girlfriends twice in a row since then and am currently just starting dating another woman. She’s a few years older than me but very attractive and intelligent. I’m already thinking about breaking it off before sex as just can’t be bothered anymore with the heartache and would rather be alone. I feel a lot of pressure surrounding sex like I am going to be judged and must perform to standards that I just can’t achieve anymore. This whole thing has just screwed my head up as a man, I just want to go back to who I was before. Some days I have thought about killing myself over this, just don’t know where to turn anymore. It’s humiliating.
Btw I have seen several urologists (no help), go to the gym almost daily, don’t drink alcohol and otherwise healthy. Just can’t help thinking ‘why me?’

You have gone to the wrong urologists. A sexual health specialist should be able to recommend a urologist who knows how to treat erectile dysfunction. There are many treatments and no man needs to be without a relationship.

Having said that, I hasten to add that coital sex is not necessary for a good and satisfying (to both partners) sexual relationhip. During decadesof declining sexual capacity, I found that if I levelled with my girlfriends that "My penis does not work as well as it should." and we could have an open and honest conversation about our expectations, solutions can be found. And if this woman is unwilling to have that conversation, she is not good relationship material anyway.

Buck up, take the bull by the horns. Women respect a man who is willing to admit his shortcomings (rather than be in denial) and take proactive action to deal with them. In my case, I learned alternative ways of satisfying my lovers and eventually I now have an implant. On the way to implant, I did have (and give) orgasms. Not as many as I would have liked and it took a long time forme to figure out what I just gave you in two paragraphs, but there is a saying:

"The smart man learns from his mistakes. The REALLY smart man learns from the mistakes of others." I just gave you the shortcut that will let you bypass the tortuous path of mistakes I took.

I repeat. Communicate with her. If she is worth having, she will respect you for it and work to make the relationship worthwhile.

[sogwap]

Like a lot of others here I feel like my battle with ED has ruined my life.

I've struggled with ED most of my life. Except for having two children I wasted 25 years of my youth with a woman that "never" wanted to have sex with me, except to get pregnant. Life was living hell. After the kids left for collage. I met wife #2.

Past twelve years I married my better wife. At least she want sex. But she hated my ED. And found myself in another country again in another sexless marriage. After all these years the lack sexual relationship was (and still is) hard.

However, I have come to the understanding that my sexual issues DO NOT define who I am as a man.

I've never been with another man sexually. So not a single man would know what I am like in that area. I've only been with a few woman, They were each quite disappointed in me sexually.

The bottom line is Life happens. You have it tough. I know many others that have have it worse. For any of us to define our manhood, by what we do in the private of our bedroom. Or if you choose in exhibition. What an hour a week if you are luckly. That should Never define who we are as a man or human being.

I would be lying if I said I have it altogether. I spent most of this last week probably an hour every night in bed with my wife frustrated by the lack of any sexual connection. Sometimes life sucks. But I refuse to let it define who I am. Life is way to short.

[frank66665]

@ pete199 hello pete199 as usual when he comments on Lost sheep there is no need to add anything else, listen to his advice you will not regret it, do not get depressed and react in the best way, good luck

[Martin6469]

Lost Sheep is right: wrong urologists. I see you're in UK and have gone to NHS. I used to go to the free health service here in USA for military veterans, but the quality of their work was not good, so now I go to private doctors and get much better help. Maybe you can afford a private urologist.

Have you gotten the ligament fixed yet?

[pete199]

Thanks for your considered reply’s guys.
Took a while to come back as I have seen this woman in particular a few times and wanted to see how things go. Not going to lie I am still depressed and massively anxious about the situation due to my self esteem issues. We had sex twice and it went ok. I’ve been taking a mixture of viagra and cialis with varied effectiveness. Just nowhere near where I want to be right now and worried about her breaking things off already which would make it four in a row, so clearly I am the problem if that ends up being the case. I haven’t discussed my issues with her yet but if things go any further I don’t think I will be able to avoid it.
I have had another referal to see a different urologist this time. I guess I will have to see where it goes but I am finding the situation very emotionally draining and I am having big mood swings from feeling fine to desperately depressed.
I just don’t know if I can put myself through the emotional wringer again if she decides it’s not for her.

[Martin6469]

pete: Another thought: Get your testosterone checked - if it's low, you will be depressed and won't be able to think straight. See my signature. It's a simple blood test. Go to an emergency room if there's a long NHS wait; tell 'em you're anxious and depressed and you want T measured.

You had ok sex twice - a great sign!

[riseagain]

Pete, you never mentioned your age, what is it? Don't worry about the past, nothing you can do about it. Depending on your age and where you are in your life, never ever, ever give up. I've been married for over thirty-eight years to a wonderful woman, so I can't imagine your feelings.

With that being said I've suffered many years with sexual issues (not keeping an erection), I finally decided to get an implant and did so last week. I feel the weight of the world off me already. I know from this day forward I WILL BE ABLE TO PREFORM GOING FORWARD.

There is always someone out there for you, just never know when that time will come, it could be just around the corner.

Keep your faith and head above water and you will be fine.

[pete199]

Well, looks like she’s gone! That’s 4 in a row now. It hurts because I did my absolute best and it’s still not good enough. Just really pissed off and dejected right now. Not really sure where to go from here. It takes a lot of effort and emotional investment for me to find a girl I like, get her out on a date and then progress to sex for her just to walk. I have everything else in the bag just not the sex! I’m a gym rat, nice clothes, good job, nice house. Makes me laugh how women go on about men just wanting sex etc. etc. But when it comes to them they are just the same if not worse!
Seriously considering getting an implant now to somehow get me out of this mess. I don’t see the point in dating and getting to know somebody for them to walk shortly after. Is there a woman on plant earth who would be willing to accept me flaws and all? I’m really starting to doubt it.

[ShouldIwait]

You should at least try injections...many guys have the best sex of their lives on BiMix/TriMix. I know I did!!