Desperate plea from a desperate man

[Tomtomtom28]

Hi

36 years old
Never had a long term relationship due to Ed, I believe it psychological Ed but never had proper tests done to see if its physical

I’m trying to get in with the nhs and see a urologist

As you probably will tell it’s had a profound effect on my mental health

It’s made me depressed and very anxious about my life as I can’t move on from this issue/situation

I’m stuck, scared to date, scared about erections
I worry about if I was in a relationship and I went away and had to inject all the time it scares the living shit out of me
It makes me wake up in the night sweating so anxious about where I am in life at present
No sign of a girl friend, no sign of a chance to have a child, no sign of happiness

So I’ve never had consistent sex from the day I lost my virginity at 15
So that’s 20 years of hurt and 20 years been in this dark place thinking about it everyday
I’ve only tried viagra so I’m starting to take daily cialis 5mg but I’m still so scared to date
It makes me want to get an implant to have some happier years of my life as we only get one and it’s running away from me
I’ve just started sertraline as im depressed which I know in turn can effect libido but because im the way I am at the minute I need that support unfortunately

What do I do ?

I’ve spoken to Paul Nelson who runs this site, he says I need to see a man called Collin Richards in the uk/surrogate partner and learn to have sex again with the help of injections and so on but I’m just so fed up of the time I’ve wasted

I’m an ok guy, just want the burden of this gone.
With an implant you have all the freedom and would not have to worry again and can enjoy life
I know it’s irreversible but as it’s caused so much distress I could have some meaningful life couldn’t I ? What years I have left

What would you do in my position ?

Try the surrogate approach with injections and try to gain confidence and drop down to cialis and work from there ?

Or straight to an implant. Tough decision

Wish I’d knew earlier about these methods as I probably would have tried them but I feel I’m losing important years now at 36

Honestly when I have a girl in the bedroom if I have a failure the feeling is horrible. Feel like I’m going insane feeling, that’s what scares me the most
So many missed opportunities and I’ve lost girls to this one after another, beautiful girls that I’ve really liked
I’ve had therapy help, I’m trying to get some more through the nhs

Just sick to death of it all

Just want a normal life

I would like some really honest advice and direction

Thanks for reading

Tom

[68CatFan]

Hi Tom, we all know how you feel. The first step is not talking to a urologist being seeing the right urologist. An unsympathetic, unhelpful or unknowledgeable urologist will make a bad situation worse. May I suggest you start a thread, share your location and ask for recommendations from members on here. We can tell you who to avoid and who will help you.

[tomas1]

At your age, I wouldn't rush right into an implant.
I'd try injections first and if they work, they could get you more time.
I think there is even a psychological effect even with injections, but I don't know how strong that effect could be.
Good luck with this since you really need help.

[Tomtomtom28]

Hi Tom, we all know how you feel. The first step is not talking to a urologist being seeing the right urologist. An unsympathetic, unhelpful or unknowledgeable urologist will make a bad situation worse. May I suggest you start a thread, share your location and ask for recommendations from members on here. We can tell you who to avoid and who will help you.

Hi there.

I’ll start a thread
Can’t believe I’m in this situation mate

[Lost Sheep]

I will tell you what I did do in your position.

Women are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe. So, my advice is to get a girlfriend, cultivate a relationship wherein both of you want to please each other physically. Only then attempt coitus.

As my E.D. became problematic, I usually started out (when sex became a potential component of a relationship with a girl/woman) by saying, "My penis does not work as well as it should, but I will make every effort to make sure you are satisfied sexually." I followed up with whatever it took to enable her to feel good and to have orgasms.

Women tend to respect a man who does not hide from difficulties. I went on a dating site and was honest about my inability to have sex and that I was intending to have an implant to fix that problem. My honesty and candor was commented on several times as "brave" and "refreshing". My impotence did not deter women from giving me a fair hearing.

Don't waste a day of a potential relationship just because sex may be difficult. There are other (and some are better) ways for a woman to have and to give orgasms. Also, orgasms are not the only joy of sex.

Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

When my E.D. began the transition towards impotence, I learned cunnilingus and how to use my hands and sexual aids (toys) to masturbate her. These skills (even after my implanted penis is unstoppable) are still useful and QUITE appreciated.

Find a woman with whom you have a compatible relationship aside from sexual. Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that trust her with your innermost secrets.

I understand that for a young man to admit to a sexual dysfunction might make him fear loss of reputation among his circle of friends. That is a risk. But the potential rewards are great.

Whether or not you are on the road to a treatment, any woman with whom you have a relationship is more than just a sex partner (ideally). Most women take the whole man into themselves when they have sex, not just a penis. If you are with a woman who takes only your penis, she is not a person you want to waste time with (my judgement and opinion).

Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that you trust her with your innermost secrets.

I understand that for a young man to admit to a sexual dysfunction might make him fear loss of reputation among his circle of friends. That is a risk. Weigh the risk/reward ratio and look at what inaction is costing you. Taking the step of trusting another soul is scary, but exciting if you choose your partner with care and with caring.

[Tomtomtom28]

I’ve been to see the therapist which specialises in sexual surrogate therapy

Sounds great but it is very very expensive

It is designed to help alleviate all the issues and anxieties around sex

So I’m am really considering it but I’m thinking it’s going to cost around £10,000 plus

The first 3 sessions which is a module will be 2,400

Each session is 3 hours long and done every 2 weeks so the first module will be done in a month and a half

If it does get me out of my head though is it worth the money ?

Cheers for reading

Tom

[Lost Sheep]

I’ve been to see the therapist which specialises in sexual surrogate therapy

Sounds great but it is very very expensive

I don't think I could ever afford it. It's sad that something possibly very helpful and useful to society has to be so cost prohibitive. Perhaps it is something rich people do and us peasants never knew anything about it really. I talked to my doctor about my state of mood and being depressed and he offered prescription for bupropion. I inquired a little about some kind of counseling, and he said he could refer me for that. It was all left up to me, and in that moment I didn't know what I wanted or what to do. So I left and didn't do either one.

OK, I am just tossing this idea out there. Psychoactive medications are risky for side effects (some mood lifters even have ED as a side effect). So, trying this has almost no downside: Exercise produces endorphins that can lift one's mood (look up "endorphins and exercise"). Think of the phenomenon "runner's high". Square dancing has the added benefit of social interaction (and physical contact, which also generates endorphins) without the stress of having to be conversational. Low cost, low risk and potentially beneficial. What's to lose by trying?

edited to add:
I know, when depressed, the idea of trying something unexpected is not compelling. But if one is desperate, the last straw is ... well it IS a straw to grab at, after all.

[RandyBottoms]

check out my demo video's


https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/04nnjciy ... lsb85wj864

[Lost Sheep]

Square dancing has the added benefit of social interaction (and physical contact, which also generates endorphins) without the stress of having to be conversational. Low cost, low risk and potentially beneficial. What's to lose by trying?

I didn't expect to see someone mention square dancing on here. I remember those events, but nowadays I hardly hear of anybody doing it. Around here when it seemed to be popular, I was just a young kid and didn't really want to dance. Sometimes family could coax me into dancing a little bit, but I was shy and the formations and commands from the caller were all new to me. It was always kind of funny to watch the "pros" directing and jerking around the newbies telling them where to go or what direction.

You must have done some square dancing in your day, or maybe still do?

I felt the same way when I went to a square dance. The caller and EVERYONE else seemed to know what they were doing and I had no clue.

[Lost Sheep]

Hi

36 years old
Never had a long term relationship due to Ed, I believe it psychological Ed but never had proper tests done to see if its physical

I’m trying to get in with the nhs and see a urologist

As you probably will tell it’s had a profound effect on my mental health

It’s made me depressed and very anxious about my life as I can’t move on from this issue/situation

I’m stuck, scared to date, scared about erections
I worry about if I was in a relationship and I went away and had to inject all the time it scares the living shit out of me
It makes me wake up in the night sweating so anxious about where I am in life at present
No sign of a girl friend, no sign of a chance to have a child, no sign of happiness

So I’ve never had consistent sex from the day I lost my virginity at 15
So that’s 20 years of hurt and 20 years been in this dark place thinking about it everyday
I’ve only tried viagra so I’m starting to take daily cialis 5mg but I’m still so scared to date
It makes me want to get an implant to have some happier years of my life as we only get one and it’s running away from me
I’ve just started sertraline as im depressed which I know in turn can effect libido but because im the way I am at the minute I need that support unfortunately

What do I do ?

I’ve spoken to Paul Nelson who runs this site, he says I need to see a man called Collin Richards in the uk/surrogate partner and learn to have sex again with the help of injections and so on but I’m just so fed up of the time I’ve wasted

I’m an ok guy, just want the burden of this gone.
With an implant you have all the freedom and would not have to worry again and can enjoy life
I know it’s irreversible but as it’s caused so much distress I could have some meaningful life couldn’t I ? What years I have left

What would you do in my position ?

Try the surrogate approach with injections and try to gain confidence and drop down to cialis and work from there ?

Or straight to an implant. Tough decision

Wish I’d knew earlier about these methods as I probably would have tried them but I feel I’m losing important years now at 36

Honestly when I have a girl in the bedroom if I have a failure the feeling is horrible. Feel like I’m going insane feeling, that’s what scares me the most
So many missed opportunities and I’ve lost girls to this one after another, beautiful girls that I’ve really liked
I’ve had therapy help, I’m trying to get some more through the nhs

Just sick to death of it all

Just want a normal life

I would like some really honest advice and direction

Thanks for reading

Tom

I wrote a very long list of ideas which, by a random accidental keystroke, got erased. I will try to reconstruct it in a day or two.