Anatomical suicide wrote:I often read here on Franktalk enthusiastic post where the implant is described as a life-changing choice able to bring back not only a functioning penis but even a stable psychological and mental condition previously devastated by the erectile dysfunction.
The reason why i got surgery was the same reason why other individuals decide to get a prosthesis implanted due to a missing ability; a leg prosthesis gives you the ability to run or even walk again. A harm prosthesis gives you the ability to hold a pen, drive, hug and do things you couldn't do before going for such surgery.
It's all about being able to do something you couldn't do because of a persistent disability.
The only aim I had when I took the plunge was to be able to perform, sexually speaking, in someway. Since pills didn't work, VED was ridiculous and, given my age, injection weren't even an option I was forced to get a 3 piece installed between my legs at 27. I didn't have any alternative apart from suicide which, by the way, is still in my head 24 hours a day.
I don't want to concentrate my attention on the recovery, on the surgery itself or on what I've been gone and going through to deal with such cataclysm at 27 as if ED weren't enough.
Those are secondary elements.
The aspect that I'd like to share and outline is that AFTER surgery NOTHING changed as for the way I think, conceive thinks and consider myself. I was born with a crippling disability which has prevented me since day one from having erections and thus a normal, fulfilling sexual life that the vast majority of the guys of my age have without being even aware of it. A true, severe venous leakage is not a clinical issue or a treatable condition. Is a crippling disability whose onset can EASILY lead the individuals suffering from it to an indescribable dimension in which the end of your existence becomes a relentless desire. The only one crossing your mind. All the rest ceases to exist.
The implant in my case wasn't life-changing. I didn't expect it to be so. Neither did i expect it to transform or cancel the whole of traumatic experiences I lived in the past due to a genetic disorder that took completely and irreversibly away my manhood, my self-esteem, my entire existence as a - supposed - man.
Two silicon cylinders and a bulb cannot restore a manhood which has never existed. I'll always be a biological failure, a freak of nature as well as a victim of the genetic lottery. I lost it.
Since I'm and I'll be until the end all the aforementioned the implant is a consequence of it, not a solution to it. It's the tragic conclusion of a traumatic sequence of predetermined occurrences.
Being able to perform keeps being the only and unique reason behind the choice of getting this kind of surgery. Let alone how. But for the rest, at least in my case, my modus pensandi hasn't been altered and with high probability will never be.
I've never been a man, i don't feel like it right now with a fake dick and I'm realistic enough to consider a penile prosthesis at the age of 27 a condemnation rather than the superpower described here.
Or maybe I have a slightly different conception of superpower.
Given the timing of your post and your use of a term I had used only shortly before in my reply to another member's post, I feel compelled to chime in here. I also want to add to subsequent comments on this topic.
I was headed in a very positive direction in my early 30's after having struggled in different ways in my 20's. Then ED hit. And in many ways I was derailed from that positive trajectory for years. Yes, I maintained my job, marriage, family, house, and general good physical health, but most everything I did was clouded by the effects of my ED on my mental and emotional states. So, I still stand by my use of the word "devastated " to describe ED's impact.
I have never thought that I don't have ED since I got my implant. I still have ED. But I now have what is for me the best possible treatment I can have for my ED. And, for me, it's an excellent treatment.
I don't think the implant has been a cure for all my problems which came as a result of my ED. But it has removed a significant barrier to me being a healthier person mentally and emotionally. I can fuck like I am a young man now. And, at this point I'm adept enough at inflating to do it while my wife is giving me a hand job, closely approximating getting hard naturally through stimulation. Given my state two years ago, this far exceeds what I imagined my sex life would be like.
Removing this barrier has been like removing a gigantic weight from all areas of my life. The pain is healing, but as I've said elsewhere, I still have a lot of healing left to do.
I cannot begin to imagine the psychological damage being unable to get hard ever must have had on you. It must have been extremely painful during your teens and 20's.
But you've suggested you are now able to have sex successfully. That's a very good thing. You're a young man. If I were you, I would now start to work on healing the inner wounds you've suffered. You have a long time ahead of you--a lot of pussy to fuck.
It seems like you may want to make the best of it.
55; ED for 23 years; Coloplast Titan implant on 10/26/20; Dr. Martin Gross; Happy to share my experiences in private messages