I don’t know what to do, I’m devastated

[Gadsiee]

I really need to vent. I never cry, the last time must have been 5+ years ago, but I just cried for half an hour after watching some random video on instagram. It broke something in me.

I’m not suicidal. But I experience misery everyday.
I’m 25. I can’t stay aroused. I developed weird fetishes in my teens and I think I have done permanent damage to my arousal system (i don’t watch porn anymore). I had one or two sexual encounters in my teens where I stayed completely limp but I attributed it to performance anxiety. When I was 20 I got a girlfriend and couldn’t get hard. I tried viagra and it also didn’t work at first, but after multiple tries (and crying in front of my girlfriend, god bless her that she stayed with me), I finally managed to get hard with viagra. We had sex for a year or so but then our sex life died down and we eventually broke up. After that I have never had sex anymore. I subconsciously knew I had ED but I kind of pushed it away by avoiding relationships.
I had one tinder date a few months ago where sex was attempted (I was on viagra), but I had like a 50% erection.

Now I met a new girl. She’s quite young, 20. She studies at the same faculty as I do and we met at the library. We see each other every day and make out for literally hours on park benches etc. She stayed over at my place twice. The first time she was menstruating so we couldnt have sex (I was SO relieved when she said this, I could enjoy the whole night without pressure, it was the best night of my life). However, the second time she stayed over it was “time to perform”. I was hard when laying on the bed, but she wanted to use a condom so I tried to put in on and went soft. She was so horny that eventually she told me to fuck her without a condom, but at this point I couldn’t stay hard anymore. We spent the rest of the night kissing but I was dying inside.

For some reason she still really likes me and wants to see me everyday, so we meet every day still. However I know she is waiting for me to invite her again. I know this would result in failure so I keep postponing it. I ordered PT-141 from an obscure website and am hoping that it arrives quickly. It is my only hope with this girl. I’m ashamed to say but I lied to her that a family member died and I had to leave town for a few days, just so I can buy some time waiting for this PT-141. I hate living like this. I want to be a normal 25 year old. I’m thinking about asking a urologist for an implant but even then I probably would not be able to orgasm most of the time because the main problem is my libido.

I am praying to god every day for a solution that I deep down know won’t come.

[68CatFan]

There is no easy answer, unfortunately. If you have no libido, then you need to find a young lady that doesn't have one either... and yes, they do exist. Another option is that you could ask your urologist to introduce you to aprostadil injections. They are a bit cumbersome, especially for men who are dating. You will most likely get 100% hard though. You should also ask your urologist to do a penile dopler on you to see if your problem is all psychological or physical. You could have a venous leak. There are ways to get your dick to work. Your libido... that's another story.

[Gadsiee]

There is no easy answer, unfortunately. If you have no libido, then you need to find a young lady that doesn't have one either... and yes, they do exist. Another option is that you could ask your urologist to introduce you to aprostadil injections. They are a bit cumbersome, especially for men who are dating. You will most likely get 100% hard though. You should also ask your urologist to do a penile dopler on you to see if your problem is all psychological or physical. You could have a venous leak. There are ways to get your dick to work. Your libido... that's another story.

The libido part is complicated. I’m definitely not asexual. But I think watching porn during puberty may have permanently messed me up. If you were to show me for example femdom (it is one of the things i am into) I would get hard. The crazy thing is though, when I just started watching porn I was into normal stuff. Like I said, I quit but I think i may have just rewired my brain during formative years in such a way that it became my sexuality, the same way people that are gay cannot become straight, I don’t know. I even did become very horny for the girl I’m currently with, but only on our first date. After that inconsistently.

I hate it so so much, I really desire sex but I’m just not allowed to have it. I guess I’ll go for the shots but it will take too long so either way I’m gonna have to let go of this girl

[Stenlie_]

Hi, have you checked your testosterone and estradiol levels ?

[Lost Sheep]

I really need to vent.

(edited for focus)

She was so horny that eventually she told me to fuck her without a condom, but at this point I couldn’t stay hard anymore. We spent the rest of the night kissing but I was dying inside.

However I know she is waiting for me to invite her again.

I’m thinking about asking a urologist for an implant but even then I probably would not be able to orgasm most of the time because the main problem is my libido.

I am praying to god every day for a solution that I deep down know won’t come.

Dude! Get a grip. This girl has not given up on you. Don't give up on her. Tell her you have an erectile problem but you will do everything you can to see that she has satisfaction. And then follow through on your promis.

Learn how to masturbte her. Learn how to perform cunnilinugs. Learn how to use sex toys with her. She knows what satisfies her. Let her teadh you.

At the same time, consult a urologist who specializes in male sexual function and find out the source of you dysfunction.

DO NOT LET this woman slip through you fingers without giving her every chance. She obviously likes your company. That is too valuable a trait to let pass by. Women appreciate a man who acknowledges truth and trusts her. This is the voice of experience talking...both on the winning side and the losing side, for I have hidden my ED from my girlfriends (and myself) in the past and had experience acknowledging my ED in the past. The difference it makes, sharing the truth, is amazing.

Solutions come from the most obscure places. Leave no stone unturned in your search for yours. Start with the obvious and consult an expert. And consult with your principal focus (your girl). Who knows, she may be into femdom, too.

[Baseballfan11]

I really need to vent. I never cry, the last time must have been 5+ years ago, but I just cried for half an hour after watching some random video on instagram. It broke something in me.

I’m not suicidal. But I experience misery everyday.
I’m 25. I can’t stay aroused. I developed weird fetishes in my teens and I think I have done permanent damage to my arousal system (i don’t watch porn anymore). I had one or two sexual encounters in my teens where I stayed completely limp but I attributed it to performance anxiety. When I was 20 I got a girlfriend and couldn’t get hard. I tried viagra and it also didn’t work at first, but after multiple tries (and crying in front of my girlfriend, god bless her that she stayed with me), I finally managed to get hard with viagra. We had sex for a year or so but then our sex life died down and we eventually broke up. After that I have never had sex anymore. I subconsciously knew I had ED but I kind of pushed it away by avoiding relationships.
I had one tinder date a few months ago where sex was attempted (I was on viagra), but I had like a 50% erection.

Now I met a new girl. She’s quite young, 20. She studies at the same faculty as I do and we met at the library. We see each other every day and make out for literally hours on park benches etc. She stayed over at my place twice. The first time she was menstruating so we couldnt have sex (I was SO relieved when she said this, I could enjoy the whole night without pressure, it was the best night of my life). However, the second time she stayed over it was “time to perform”. I was hard when laying on the bed, but she wanted to use a condom so I tried to put in on and went soft. She was so horny that eventually she told me to fuck her without a condom, but at this point I couldn’t stay hard anymore. We spent the rest of the night kissing but I was dying inside.

For some reason she still really likes me and wants to see me everyday, so we meet every day still. However I know she is waiting for me to invite her again. I know this would result in failure so I keep postponing it. I ordered PT-141 from an obscure website and am hoping that it arrives quickly. It is my only hope with this girl. I’m ashamed to say but I lied to her that a family member died and I had to leave town for a few days, just so I can buy some time waiting for this PT-141. I hate living like this. I want to be a normal 25 year old. I’m thinking about asking a urologist for an implant but even then I probably would not be able to orgasm most of the time because the main problem is my libido.

I am praying to god every day for a solution that I deep down know won’t come.

Are you still on this forum? You’re almost entirely telling my story

[Alan810]

I've experience ED for many years. My LIbido is very strong but brain in the lower part of my body is on a different planet. Furthermore, my wife has no desire but is obliging with minimal effort on her part which in itself is a kind of turn off for me - no foreplay as it was years ago. Although I have not been tested for it, I obviously have is venous leak. Over the years, I've tried all of the ED Meds which very little continuous success. I also tried Trimix injections, also with very limited results. After a lot of experimentation, I've enjoyed very adequate resulting erections reusing a good medical quality VED and rings. My wife's only comment is that it doesn't feel natural - feels too hard, but it lasts as long as necessary for her - never had to worry about the 30 minute time limit. With the assistance of oral, she usually reaches an orgasm during penetration - I come close but have to finish myself with or without her help after.

The reason why I pen this is guys with ED apparently caused by venous leak should consider using a VED and should feel free to discuss the situation with their partners - to not be embarrassed or afraid they will lose their partner...It's not worth hiding the problem. Sooner or later it will come out. It's better to have an understanding supportive partner from the get-go. My opinion.

[Definedfitness]

Hey guys....
I'm no expert at any of this. I do feel your pain and emotional struggles. #1 you guys really need to quit worrying about it so much! If you already expect it, it's going to happen. I'm in no way preaching! I'm not because it's easier said than done. I personally will never EVER get a natural erection again! Prostate and bladder removed. Okay! This is going to blow your mind! Men need to talk about this! Even without an erection... You can still orgasm! Weird as fuck but it honestly really happens. Never felt like I understood more how a women orgasms ever! I know none of this is helping. I'll get to that. Personally I feel ( only my opinion ) that watching porn as much or whatever in your teens doesn't have anything to do with it. My dick was way smarter than I was during my life. Funny to say because all men think with their dick's right? Give yourself a break and find ( which it sounds like you have) an emotional relationship. My hammer only worked when I actually felt a connection. What a pussy I know! If you actually make that connection with someone you will figure out a way to make it work. Trust me ! My girl is not complaining that I can go for 4-5 hours.. I do take shots ( trimex). Abused the fuck out of it. Make some huge mistakes and ended up , lack of a better term broke my boy. Hurt like fuck! Scar tissue shrunk him up and is embarrassing to me personally. My girl care? Nope ! why? we are still having sex and our bonding time! I do ware a hallow strap on. I've been able to orgasm while wearing it! I can't tell you how much of a mental game it us, for ourselves! Once you realize that and understand that your manhood and sex has nothing to do with you having an erection! Not showing this to my wife because she would say .... Read what you wrote! Not always easy guys. Hang in there and understand there are many ways to feel good about a shit circumstance.

Anyone want the name of the device I use , message me I'm not here to sell anything. Just to share my experiences.

[Martin6469]

Gadslee: Excellent advice from all. I'll just recommend that you check with the best sex columnist I know, Dan Savage (www.savage.love). Pay him $40/yr to look through his archives. Your problem, or similar, has been discussed. You could also put your problem to him, in a more condensed form, and maybe it'll get published. Savage has a large group of experts whom he consults every week.

Re 68CatFan's first recommendation: the Internet is your friend. (And do what Stenlie says - see my signature.)

[Al1962]

This (honest discussion on devastating issues).
Awesome.