Does your wife control if and when sex happens in your marriage?

[AKJess]

For us, it's a non-issue. We are accommodating to each others needs. That said, my wife has a strong libido, so she probably doesn't align with how many people describe their female partner. If I am horny and she isn't, or has something to do, she will still make time to give me a quickie, no reciprocation required. When she is horny, I need to be responsive too...even though she goes on for a very long time and I am already spent...I'll still be with her to sling the toys, provide oral etc. I asked her this question, and she replied that many of the women she knows are the one who controls the sex, so you may be on to something.

[bldoink]

It sounds like you should probably keep her around a few more years.

[AnotherOldMan]

Yes. It is much more discernible as we age and time takes its toll.
I value enthusiastic participation and don't want anything less.
Nowadays things start slowly but end successfully.
Keeping our twice a week schedule is working for us as we age. However, it is HER schedule

[sogwap]

Thank you for the responses. Very meaningful, insightful, and intriguing.

My first wife of 25 years, definitely controlled the if and when. After our two kids were born it was once a month according to her cycle. When menopause hit it turned into a 10-year sexless marriage that ended in divorce.

I then met someone else who was also stuck in a sexless marriage. We had more sex in the two-year courting period than in my previous 25 years. We married and I was hit with ED. Because of my ED, she became disinterested in sex with me. Then last year I started Trimix injections, and I went from hoping to last more than 2 minutes to having to ask if she has had enough. I have since realized she is a one-and-done woman, oh the irony of it all!

Even with my better wife, who has a high libido, sex only happens when she wants it. When I've asked, "Want to have sex?", she usually responds with I don't know. If I initiate sex, I find she's not really into it. I have to admit much of this is due to my having ED/PE for 10 years.

[Jayguy]

I think the rule of thumb is the partner with the lower libido (spontaneous desire) controls the occurrence of intercourse. Kind of like the partner who emotionally needs the other person least in a relationship (other things being equal) has the most power in the relationship.

Many (most?) menopausal women or women who have finished having children (whether that be 25, 30, etc.) experience something called "responsive desire" (google it) meaning that if you can get them to start playing they quickly get into it. The trick is getting past the initial no.

[beachbum1]

In my case ABSOLUTELY. And it none. She has lost ALL desire for any kind of sex. No way would I try to force the issue. If she isn't into it then I don't want it from her. It wouldn't and couldn't be enjoyable for either. Unfortunately it happens to a lot of us. And in most cases the options suck

[Randalltx]

Emphatically, NO.

However three continuous years pre-implant between my ED and her dryness, soreness, aging whatever process, we were dead. Didn't try, just gave up. One day, I realized I was fed up. We agreed to fix it no matter what it took or cost. A few months later, my implant, my testosterone, her testosterone, her creams and various lubricants and the theatre is no longer dark. She always wanted it, I always wanted it, We just didn't know what to do. Doctors were of little help until I got very serious with them. Why are male doctors so reluctant to solve this? My GP nurses and techs were more help.

I could not tolerate constant rejection because "it feels like sandpaper" or whatever reason was given regardless of authenticity. Call me weak, but I tell you, life without sex isn't a life. Had it continued, I might have left or done worse.

Guys, if the parts work and she still says no, stop asking and make other arrangements. Doesn't mean go cheat. It just means make her wonder what the hell you ARE doing. Be quiet, mysterious and tell her nothing. Schedule trips away alone, don't be so available. When she asks, just tell her you feel alone without the closeness with her. She doesn't get to know where you are. who you are with, or what you are doing all the time. Let her wonder. Drives them nuts when they think you are withholding info.

Rejecting sex to a man is the height of disrespect from a wife or partner. It is like denying attention and validation to a woman. Try it. When she respects you again, she will start initiating and putting out. Sexually women are more responsive than spontaneous. The opposite of us. Only when they are young or are on the hunt are they spontaneous and easily attainable.

[Alan810]

Went many years with nothing. I nagged, bitched, complained, etc. to no avail. Wife's response was that it was painful and she had an estrogen problem but would not discuss it with her gynecologist. I believe that she turned herself off because of my ED problem which had worsened over the years. When I finally solved the erection issue thru experimentation of different methods (pills, injections and VED) winding up with success by the VED and constriction rings, I somehow convinced her that sex was something I needed and she needs to oblige - I was tired of taking matters into my own hands so to speak. She finally agreed to a date night once a week...I think what changed is I hinted "have pump will travel." We solved her perceived problem thru oral and lube. She generally always orgasms but that doesn't mean she is really into it. It's like she can take it or leave it...wish there was a little more enthusiasm and emotion, but I guess it's the best I can get. I'm obviously better off than many guys on FT. No doubt that she control it!!!

[beachbum1]

This is really a no brainer answer. Yes she, and all wives control if and when. If you say we're going to have sex and she says ok. She controlled it. If she says no you either don't have sex (again, she's controlled it) or you rape her. Don't see that happening too often. If she says no and you go along with that but go find it else where, then impart she controlled it and if she finds out she may control a LOT of things afterwards.
The only real time you do and she doesn't, is if and when she asks for sex. Then you get to say yes or no (control)