Another newbie

[kaveman]

G'day fellas,
I've come to this site in search of frank discussion about the fun (?) associated with prostatectomy and its consequences. At the tender age of 60 I had surgery in August 2009 following a jump in PSA from low 4's to 7.8 and Gleason score 7. The cancer was localised to the prostate so surgery seemed the best option to prolong a fruitful existence. Particularly since I have been surrounded with family members who fought and lost the battle with the BIG C. Had great GP support, a good surgeon, but fell into a real lack of after care. And I'm sure you would all relate to the mental rollercoaster that goes with this animal. Throw in a wife who is having her own battles with depression and it all makes for an interesting cocktail. Currently I have virtually no incontinence issues but am grappling with ED and all that entails.

So, as I said at the outset I'm looking to sharing/learning ways to manage the mental and relationship issues because I'm finding it hard going.

Kaveman.

[antelope]

Dear Kaveman,

Briefly, please be assured that you are not alone. Virtually everyone I know who has struggled with ED issues has also dealt with the mental side of those isses--everything from frustration to "the blues" to clinical depression. There's no quesiton that a limp dick does a number on your brain. The good news is that there is not only a ton of information out there, both on this site and other, more "technical" sites, but here you will also find a group of men who are totally supportive, non-judgmental, and very willing to share their own experiences in an effort to help others. It's amazing. Finally, know that there are numerous solutions and please believe that one or more of them will work for you. It's not a question of "if", my friend, but simply a matter of finding the right "what". Hang in there. Read, study, ask, learn. We've got your back.

See you in the chat room,

Greg

[regain-is-the-aim]

Kave:

Well, our stories are very similar except my PSA was even lower than yours. My PCa surgery was at 60, and robotic,and went well, no real incontinent issues and terrible after-care. Also, My Uro was/is great but I was referred to a brilliant surgeon at our large University medical center for the robotic. Problem is; he didn't give a dam about erections and I was "under-served" for the following 3 years he followed me. It was not until I joined this clan that I began to not only feel better but also began to show decent progress. You are in a good place!

The darkness of ED can not be underestimated and most of the docs don't have a good grip on our reality. It's as though-if they talk about IT, they might catch IT. . . Guys here understand and assist, help celebrate progress and offer suggestion when the current plan isn't working. Not a bad support team to have on your side!

I have found that pumping has helped me a lot and I continue to utilize that therapy- besides I find it fun. If you are just starting to pump you may wish to consider the "prelude" and it is described on the pumping Treatments Page. It is not good for sex but gets the blood flowing into the shaft in a nice way. I still use my on a regular basis as I like the sensation and it is a change from the "real" pumping. If you are going to start pumping first get an inexpensive pump like a "Fireman's" pump to see if you like it and how the process works for you. You can also use that pump in the shower and multi-task as we say. Then you can always go to a Medical pump for further therapy. I now have a medical pump and Really like it- but boy they are expensive!! And no water play allowed.

There is also some medical thought that injections as a part of recovery may help those nerves wake up. I'd pump first but you might talk with your doc as part of a rehab plan. There are a number of guys who can offer expert advice on that issue.

Next- take care of yourself. This trip is Sh_tty. I found I needed to do something to help ME. We all know that if we are not functioning well between the ears then it affects us between the legs. Add a basic ED to that and it spells even more challenge. SO, I got my self a personal trainer and began the process of working on my 60yr bod. Not to become a stud or something- but get in better shape and increase my flexibility. It has been some of the best $$ I have spent. I'm still at it and continue to improve and better my resistance training.

The guys here are great. Feel free to join chat and ask away. There is plenty of thought, humor and bawdy acceptance of our journey. You are not alone. If I can help please let me know. Again, this is a good place

WELCOME!

Regards,

Dick

[kaveman]

Dear Greg and Dick,

Thanks guys for your supportive responses. I have been doing a fair bit of reading, asking and even joined a local support group, which I found was OK up to a point but no-one seemed to want to really address the significant issues. I no longer go to the support group. Strangely I found that talking to one of the wives was more productive, but of course there are limites to what you can talk to another man's wife about.

After my surgery I tried Cialis for a short time - under Uro's advice - but to no avail. He then suggested caverject injections, which after some research I decided to try. I wasn't perturbed by the fact of injecting myself and found a reasonable result. But it was a bit like I was 12 or 13 agian learning how to "do it". It was sort of OK but found the result was not ideal due to venous leakage. I have just started to use a constriction ring, and again that's like going back a few steps.

Dick, like you I have tried to improve my fitness, through walking regularly - min. 30 mins at a time, and on weekends I do a fair bit of gardening or other domestic work to keep the blood flowing, and weight down.

Unfortunately I have a really busy job - won't bore you with the details - and the associated stresses are not helping. But I'm about to start a 4 week holiday, the first decent break in about 3 years, so here's hoping.

Kaveman.

[Cajun Jeff]

Kaveman, first let me say great name! Many of us have been down the same road that your traveling on. PCa here also. Like you all is well except the limp noodle. After 2 years to trying this then that and adding this things are finely getting better in this ED battle. The difference between us is I started the injections and am very pleased with the results. I have noticed that I am contiuning to heal after this long time and at this point I am almost to the point where the pills will be enough... In reality they probably are enough but take a lot more work! I just find it easier at this time to continue with the injections and waiting to see if Jr gets just a bit stronger with the pills. Join us in the chat room. I think you will like the exchange.

Cajun Jeff

[kaveman]

Hi Cajun Jeff,

Thanks also for your reply. I am encouraged by your comment about the period of time elapsed for you and that healing is still occurring. I have seen a number of posts on this site and elsewhere that the there is a large amount of difference for healing or return of erectile function for everyone. That's something to pin hope on and help remove some of the frustration. A part of my problem is related to what I said originally in that my wife is dealing with severe depression, under medication, and thus the frequency of any form of intimacy is diminished. Her medication is something of a double edged sword - it helps control the depression, but reduces her libido quite a bit. And to be blunt the novelty of masturbation wears thin fairly quickly. From what I have read and heard it seems that reasonable frequency of sexual activity certainly helps the recovery process. And I'm not ready or mentally preapred to give up on the idea of trying to achieve as good a recovery as I can. But it's still very frustrating. If you have any ideas or suggestions around this part of my situation I would be more than happy to listen.
Unfortunately the GP I used to see retired in February last year. He was great because we had known each other for just over 30 years so it has been difficult to replace the trust and understanding from that relationship. And he was a straight talker which helped keep things in perspective, and I miss his counsel.

On a separate note I tried to go into the chat room to engage in some converstaion but it seems nobody was home. I wondered if it was because I live down under and the time difference meant all you nothern hemisphere guys were in bed. Or, if being a complete novice to chat rooms I had done something wrong in trying to access the chat room.

Anyway, I'll keep trying and hope to get to chat with you and others real soon.

Kaveman.

[antelope]

Hey Kave,

I have found folks in the CR at random times all day from 8:00 am to midnight CST. But the best time for a "crowd" seems to be between 8:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m CST. I forget what time that would be down under. You might contact "Charlie" (from Melbourne) via private message and see what time he catches us "Yanks" in the Chat Room. (I've tried to tell him that Southerners are not "Yanks", but to no avail!)

Greg

[regain-is-the-aim]

Dam! Greg is now a Yank!!

There is no end to surprise and progress on this site. Wahoo


Dick

[antelope]

Dick,

My great-grandfather, born Robert Lee West in 1866 in Carroll County, GA, would be mortified to think one of his descendants was a "Yank". LOL

Greg

[Cajun Jeff]

Guys this is the first thing I read this morning on the computer and I busted out laughing at my buddy Greg being a yank!

Kave, for sure try to get in touch with Charlie. He manages to connece with us fairly reg.

Cajun Jeff