Why Men Lose Interest In Sex After Prostate Surgery

[RickRed40]

Many men lose interest in sex and then adding to their misery and their partner's misery they go on to avoid all forms of physical contact and affection. Here's why and what needs to be done. Believe me I speak from personal experience here, this is a very difficult challenge. Here's why:

Many men experience a reduction and/or a loss of their sex drive after their prostate is removed. This reduction can be a result of a variety of reasons such as:
1. Coping with cancer-the emotions of fear and/or anxiety can impact sexual desire.

2. Depression- men often experience post-surgical depression. When men are depressed they don't typically experience depression the same way women do. Women typically become sad. Depressed men are frequently agitated, irritable, and easily angered. They could experience a loss energy and interest in previously enjoyed hobbies and activities. Depression often leads to a noticeable reduction in desire and/or interest in sex.

3. Losing urinary control- After prostate surgery the majority of men lose the ability to control urination. This lack of control may great impact a man's desire for sex.

4.Climacturia is a medical term describing orgasm-associated incontinence. Few if any men are told it's very possible they will leak and or urinate during their orgasm. For some men and/or women, urinating during an orgasm is either highly embarrassing or a complete sexual turn off, so the couple may avoid sex due to the appearance of climacturia.

5. The Loss of Ejaculation- After surgery men lose their ability to ejaculate. This can affect the pleasure men feel. Some men will avoid experiencing orgasms because of the sense of loss or sadness they feel after an ejaculation free orgasm.

6. A change in the quality or intensity or painful orgasms-For some men there is a significantly reduced intensity of their orgasms so there is a reduction in pleasure. This could serve as a turn off. Some men will experience painful orgasms after surgery, and there is a built in desire to avoid pain.

7. A reduction in penis size-Some men report a noticeable reduction in the size of their penis. This may cause some degree of shame-which will greatly impact a man's interest in sex.

8. Erectile Dysfunction-The majority of men will experience the loss of their ability to experience an erection for a minimum of 18-24 months. The inability to experience an erection can have a devastating impact on a man's libido and desire for all forms of physical contact.

I don't know why I haven't read this any where else but this seems obvious to me that prior to surgery each man had a number of triggers which could result in an erection. Some of those triggers for an erection were:
1. Sight-Men often get arouse as a result of seeing something that turns them on.
2. Sound- Certain sounds or sex talk can arouse men. There is a whole industry based on the power of sex talk to arouse men
3. Smells- Certain smells can arouse a man to experience an erection
4. Fantasy- Men have the capacity to use their imagination to think about sexual experiences that arouse them, resulting in erection.
5. Words-Some men are aroused by reading about sexual encounters.
6. Touch- Certain forms of touching can create a state of arousal.

After surgery, men lose their capacity to respond with an erection to each and everyone of their sexual triggers. There is a powerful emotional reaction to this loss. After surgery, these previously exciting triggers elicit feelings of loss, disappointment, frustration, anger and shame. Couples are unpleasantly surprised when they discover their pre-surgery sexual history is lost to both of them. Unfortunately, very few couples are provided with counseling or help in grieving these losses. Typically men withdraw emotionally and physically from their partners resulting in their relationships becoming highly stressed.

I believe the complete and total loss of sexual exciting triggers leaves couples confused about their sexuality and sexual relationship. I suspect it takes a compete re-wiring of the brain for a man to learn he can be sexually aroused with a flaccid penis. It's challenging for couples to find new ways to enjoy sex post-surgery many couples lose their way.

To re-claim your sexuality post-surgery takes time, effort, experimentation, and new experiences to re-program your mind and body to experience arousal in completely different ways than you did prior to surgery. Men must learn how to find pleasure, enjoyment, and orgasms with a flaccid penis, This isn't a simple or easy lesson for a man to learn but it's an essential lesson to learn in order to re-claim and renew sexuality post-surgery. For some men this is a temporary challenge for others it’s permanent.

My wife and I met this challenge and successfully established a new sexual relationship. However our new sexual relationship didn’t take away our desire to resume the closeness and pleasure of sexual intercourse. We made a decision that surprising few couples make with regard to treating ED that's unresponsive to medications or injections.

Four years after my prostate surgery I decided to schedule surgery for a penile implant. If all goes well I'm six or seven weeks away from resuming that part of our sexual relationship. I'm looking forward to a restorative surgery after experiencing a surgery that took so much away.

Read more: http://postsurgery.freeforums.net/threa ... z3PNgk5Cvr

[RickRed40]

Many men lose interest in sex and then adding to their misery and their partner's misery they go on to avoid all forms of physical contact and affection. Here's why and what needs to be done. Believe me I speak from personal experience here, this is a very difficult challenge. Here's why:

Many men experience a reduction and/or a loss of their sex drive after their prostate is removed. This reduction can be a result of a variety of reasons such as:
1. Coping with cancer-the emotions of fear and/or anxiety can impact sexual desire.

2. Depression- men often experience post-surgical depression. When men are depressed they don't typically experience depression the same way women do. Women typically become sad. Depressed men are frequently agitated, irritable, and easily angered. They could experience a loss energy and interest in previously enjoyed hobbies and activities. Depression often leads to a noticeable reduction in desire and/or interest in sex.

3. Losing urinary control- After prostate surgery the majority of men lose the ability to control urination. This lack of control may great impact a man's desire for sex.

4.Climacturia is a medical term describing orgasm-associated incontinence. Few if any men are told it's very possible they will leak and or urinate during their orgasm. For some men and/or women, urinating during an orgasm is either highly embarrassing or a complete sexual turn off, so the couple may avoid sex due to the appearance of climacturia.

5. The Loss of Ejaculation- After surgery men lose their ability to ejaculate. This can affect the pleasure men feel. Some men will avoid experiencing orgasms because of the sense of loss or sadness they feel after an ejaculation free orgasm.

6. A change in the quality or intensity or painful orgasms-For some men there is a significantly reduced intensity of their orgasms so there is a reduction in pleasure. This could serve as a turn off. Some men will experience painful orgasms after surgery, and there is a built in desire to avoid pain.

7. A reduction in penis size-Some men report a noticeable reduction in the size of their penis. This may cause some degree of shame-which will greatly impact a man's interest in sex.

8. Erectile Dysfunction-The majority of men will experience the loss of their ability to experience an erection for a minimum of 18-24 months. The inability to experience an erection can have a devastating impact on a man's libido and desire for all forms of physical contact.

I don't know why I haven't read this any where else but this seems obvious to me that prior to surgery each man had a number of triggers which could result in an erection. Some of those triggers for an erection were:
1. Sight-Men often get arouse as a result of seeing something that turns them on.
2. Sound- Certain sounds or sex talk can arouse men. There is a whole industry based on the power of sex talk to arouse men
3. Smells- Certain smells can arouse a man to experience an erection
4. Fantasy- Men have the capacity to use their imagination to think about sexual experiences that arouse them, resulting in erection.
5. Words-Some men are aroused by reading about sexual encounters.
6. Touch- Certain forms of touching can create a state of arousal.

After surgery, men lose their capacity to respond with an erection to each and everyone of their sexual triggers. There is a powerful emotional reaction to this loss. After surgery, these previously exciting triggers elicit feelings of loss, disappointment, frustration, anger and shame. Couples are unpleasantly surprised when they discover their pre-surgery sexual history is lost to both of them. Unfortunately, very few couples are provided with counseling or help in grieving these losses. Typically men withdraw emotionally and physically from their partners resulting in their relationships becoming highly stressed.

I believe the complete and total loss of sexual exciting triggers leaves couples confused about their sexuality and sexual relationship. I suspect it takes a compete re-wiring of the brain for a man to learn he can be sexually aroused with a flaccid penis. It's challenging for couples to find new ways to enjoy sex post-surgery many couples lose their way.

To re-claim your sexuality post-surgery takes time, effort, experimentation, and new experiences to re-program your mind and body to experience arousal in completely different ways than you did prior to surgery. Men must learn how to find pleasure, enjoyment, and orgasms with a flaccid penis, This isn't a simple or easy lesson for a man to learn but it's an essential lesson to learn in order to re-claim and renew sexuality post-surgery. For some men this is a temporary challenge for others it’s permanent.

My wife and I met this challenge and successfully established a new sexual relationship. However our new sexual relationship didn’t take away our desire to resume the closeness and pleasure of sexual intercourse. We made a decision that surprising few couples make with regard to treating ED that's unresponsive to medications or injections.

Four years after my prostate surgery I decided to schedule surgery for a penile implant. If all goes well I'm six or seven weeks away from resuming that part of our sexual relationship. I'm looking forward to a restorative surgery after experiencing a surgery that took so much away.

Read more: http://postsurgery.freeforums.net/threa ... z3PNgk5Cvr

[way1955]

I think a lot of the problems are the Doctors don't talk to the patient enough. They bring it up and said it will be fine and only 10% have a problem. That is not true sometimes it takes 2 years or more to ever get back if you get it back at all. I read a article it's called I want my Prostate back. Every man should read this. A doctor talk this man 52 years old into having his prostate out because out of 12 samples 2 came back with cancer cells. The doctor told him being that he can get a good erection he should have no problem after. So 6 weeks later he had it out. 3 months nothing was going on. He was very depressed. After a year still nothing. He went and saw his doctor. He also got copy of the test that were done before. What he found out was that the cancer was found in the back of the prostate most of the time it is a slow growing cancer. When he talk to the doctor the told him that he would have at a problem in 10 or 15 years. Why didn't the doctor tell him this before. The man yelled at the doctor that he sex life is over. All the doctor said was. Well you don't have cancer. Yes the cancer is gone but all he is left with is no sex life his wife divorced him and now he is alone and depressed. Men need to get as much information you can before you have anything done. If you don't understand the doctor ask questions. When they remove the prostate they try to spare the vein that control the blood to the penis but has much has they try there is going to be some problems the veins are small and things happy. They will never touch mine it going to the grave with me. Had retro orgasm they are not the same. After I felt like I was not complete. Please read all you can because once it's done you can't go back....Ken

[MARKOS2018]

Rick

I thought of Michael Korda's book of his Prostate Surgery as I read your very thorough post...He is a best selling author and his book is very enlightening to those having to go through prostate cancer/surgery.

I have gone the other way around, since I have an implant but yet haven't faced the prospect of getting PC. Thanks for your insight and information about your experience and thoughts.

mike