My Journal

[merrix]

Update, 6 weeks post op

Sex getting better. Can go harder and longer without much tenderness.
Great feeling of being able to go on for as long as I (we) want.
However, I must say that the erection is quite different from my natural (well, Viagra induced) erection on my best day pre op.
It is definitely harder now, as if measured from base to tip.
But I would say it has this hinge, or wobbling effect to some degree which I would say is more now than on a good day pre op.
This is not a show-stopper, but it creates a different feeling than before.

Overall, I keep getting closer to a complete recovery.
Flaccid is basically a non-issue anymore. Neither in terms of discomfort nor in terms of visibility. I have the Condo swimming pool 2 meters from my terrace, and spend a lot of time there in the weekends. I'd say that now nobody will see any sort of semi-erection even with swim shorts and getting out of the pool. Maybe I look bigger than normal, but no semi-erection warning...

I still feel the implant sometimes when sitting down, and especially when changing positions when sitting. Bending down putting shoes or socks on will also remind me it's there.
But it is already ok, and since it keeps getting better by the week, I am very optimistic I will eventually feel nothing of it.

I tried getting on my bike this weekend, and it worked. Not 100% without discomfort, but I could sit down and take my short ride.
Will probably continue to get better. I am only 6 weeks out.

The pump positioning which I had issues with in the early days (pointing more to the right than straight down), is not an issue anymore. On the contrary, I'd say it's perfect.
I don't think I would like it to point straight down since that would make it more visible and probably be more uncomfortable sitting down.
Now it is in the bottom of the scrotum, pointing slightly to the right. It makes it very accesible when pumping with the right hand, and when I stand up it is completely hidden behind my balls.
Good job Dr. Eid!
And the man was right... I said no way that pump is rightly placed. He said just wait till all swelling is gone and the pump loosens up. It'll be perfect. OK, I surrender, you were right.

On the airport now, off on a business trip again.

Till next time.

[alibaba]

Absolutely awesome report! d

[moetheman]

Your progress is making me so envious ... probably even jealous. What an insightful journal.

[alibaba]

Agreed moetheman. d

[merrix]

Back on the tennis court again yesterday for the first time since surgery.
I am a decent player (5.0 level) with aggressive movement and hitting.
Was a bit worried I'd be hindered during play or get some reaction next day, mostly thinking of reservoir.
I didn't go balls to the walls, held back a bit, but still had an hour of good hitting.
Felt nothing (except a bigger dick in my shorts) during play and no reaction whatsoever today.

Progress continues, but as we all just got reminded of from Watsup's potentially sad news, we can never take a successful outcome for granted. So far so good though.

[alibaba]

Fabulous! After a rough start is sounds like you are well ahead of the pack! Right choice and vigorous youth. Superb combination. Be well, live will, do good in an honorable way. d

[cincinnatus1951]

Merrix: Way to go guy! Sounds like you are really getting back to normal.
For a Scandanavian guy living in Asia, we've got you cussing like an "Ami".
I'm having backflow issues.with my Titan OTR. Any tricks you've found to avoid it?
Cincinnatus?

[cincinnatus1951]

Merrix: Hold the phone!!! I'm guilty of ready, fire, aim. I read your previous response on controlling backflow and it seems to be working.
Thanks
Cincinnatus

[Anonymous 3]

Back on the tennis court again yesterday for the first time since surgery.
I am a decent player (5.0 level) with aggressive movement and hitting.
Was a bit worried I'd be hindered during play or get some reaction next day, mostly thinking of reservoir.
I didn't go balls to the walls, held back a bit, but still had an hour of good hitting.
Felt nothing (except a bigger dick in my shorts) during play and no reaction whatsoever today.

Progress continues, but as we all just got reminded of from Watsup's potentially sad news, we can never take a successful outcome for granted. So far so good though.

Hey Merrix. You're doing great! Just a reminder that what is potentially happening to me is very rare, even the doc said so yesterday, so take heart, chin up and all that eh what? You and the rest of the guys here have every chance of a good outcome, I did until this came along and I still might!

[merrix]

7 weeks post op

I am basically ok already, but not 100% recovered.
I am back in my normal routine, including back on tennis court and in the gym. I do however not push it to the limit in the gym yet like I used to. I have skipped the deadlifts and the squats, and I think I will leave them for another month or two. Maybe that's being over cautious, but I am not going to take any risks whatsoever.
I can feel the implant sometimes still and in some situations it is a bit uncomfortable. Mostly when sitting for a long time or moving around while sitting, like bending down or similar.
I am still a tiny bit sore, which I get reminded of sometimes when my six-year old daughter fools around with me and accidentaly pokes me down there.

Sex is just getting better by the week. I am still not going all in since I do experience some soreness after sex if I go too rough and for too long. But that is getting better by the week as well.
It is a great feeling to be able to do it for as long (or intense and short) as I/we want without being hindered and limited in any bloody way by the risk of dick going soft.
I can easily reach orgasm, I'd say easier than before. This is a bit strange, since I still do feel a bit loss of sensation in the dick, even though it is clearly better already now than 3.5 weeks ago when I first had sex. Why do I feel it is easier to reach orgasm? Don't really know, but could be because I am always hard. Sometimes before I had to reach my orgasm with a 50-75% erection, which makes it harder (well, not the dick, the dick was softer). Also, of course, there is the psychological dimension. Once the dick starts to soften, the pressure to orgasm fast as hell is building up, since I knew the train was about to leave. Now there is no such pressure. I know that the dick will stay hard forever, and now I am more trying to find ways to NOT come...
Furthermore, the orgasms are stronger, more intense. Don't know why this is the case either, but one theory is that the dick stays rock hard all through the orgasm. Normally (or normally for me), the dick started to go soft already half way through the orgasm. Now it just stays hard which means I can keep stimulating it all the way through the orgasm and that extends it and makes it feel more. Great feeling...

Wife is happy about the whole thing as well. She, just like me, is very pleased with not having to worry about my dick going down during the act. This gives her the ability to focus on her own pleasure as well, instead of focusing on doing all she can to maximize my chances of staying hard.
Regarding implant vs natural, she thinks the implant dick feels just like what I had before implant on my best moment. She literally said, that it feels like my erection on my best day during the first few minutes (before it started to gradually go softer and softer during sex...). I am happy with that, since she always said I was super hard even before implant. But only on a good day, and only for a few minutes.
She says she cannot feel anything unnatural about the dick. If she had met me for the first time, she would not have noticed anything unnatural. Not even when giving oral. The only way to find out is to grab the balls, then it becomes very obvious something is not right...

I have been inflating the device twice daily ever since 13 days post op. Initially my length was shorter than pre op and my girth was bigger than pre op.
Now, the situation is that my length is probably the same, or slightly shorter.
It was 16 cm (6.3") according to Eid before surgery, and 16.5 cm (6.5") according to me... It is now 16 cm (6.3") inflated and with arousal. By the way, it is 14-15 cm (5.5-5.9") flaccid without arousal, so I am carrying around a monster in my pants when 'flaccid'.
Grith was 14 cm (5.5") pre op midshaft (erect). A week after starting inflating, I was up to around 14.25 cm (5.6"). Now I am down to 13.75 cm (5.4").
Wife says, without mentioning the measurements to her, that she feels the length is the same, but that is is slightly thinner. It is weird that she can feel this, since we're talking about a quarter of a cm, but apparently she can.

I discussed via email with Eid about the daily inflation and he also asked me what happened to my size. His confident forecast before surgery was "I guarantee that you will keep your length (16 cm as measured by him) and keep or slightly increase your girth".
So far he is right about the length, but as said, the girth is slightly smaller. He said that the reason I was girthier 3 weeks post op than now, is that there simply was some swelling still there. It is gone now, and hence this is the 'true' post op girth. He said he was pretty sure though that the girth will increase a little bit from here. Length however is what it is and it won't change.
Reason for girth to increase is that the plastic material of the Titan is very hard, and it takes some time for it to expand with usage. It will however. Not much and it will take some time for it to happen.
Eid claims there is no need for daily inflation once it has been put in to use. If I use it 1-3 times per week, there is no need for dry pumping. He doesn't give a horse ass for the reports of increased length with daily cycling for 1-2 years after surgery. He means that the girth expansion comes from the cylinders expanding slightly in diameter over time. There is no length or girth gains to be made from stretching the penile tissue. Once we can pump to the max with no kinks on the cylinders, there is no more to be gained from tissue expansion, since the cylinders are the size they are.
I must say that to me, this makes sense. I read that article again where the authors claim average length gains from 0-24 months were 2.1 cm and average girth gains were 1.4 cm.
Personally, I just cannot see how this is going to happen. 2 cm is quite a lot, and I just wonder where the heck those 2 cm is going to come from? All patients in the study had the Titan. A Titan implant does not increase in length. The cylinder length is what it is. So if I inflate to the max today, and it doesn't even hurt - where is the extra 2 cm going to come from? Even if my penile tissue in some magic way expanded, where is it going to end up? Is my shaft going to grow, moving along the cylinders, forcing the glans to move 2 cm further out and leaving the cylinders 2 cm short of the optimal position in the glans? Or is it the glans which is going to grow 2 cm and again leave the cylinders 2 cm short of the optimum position? Or is it my crus that is going to 'shrink' and force the cylinders to move further out in the penis, and together with magic growth of the penile tissue, make room for the protruding cylinders?
I just don't get it...
Maybe those impotent fat old bastards in the study just got lean from all the fucking and hence the bone pressed measurements increased 2 cm..?

Eid even said that there of course is a ptential downside to daily inflation. Shorter mechanical life time. It is of course pure logic that any mechanical device will reach it's end of life sooner the more it is used. That, I think, is an undisputable fact. It goes for a car, a bike, a tennis racquet, a bed, a toy, a shoe, a door or anything in this world. So should go for an implant as well.
What difference does it make? Nobody knows I guess, but I have read in the past as well that (if I remember correctlty) the life time of a Titan is around 8-10 years on average when used twice per week. Longer lifetime is expected if used less frequent and shorter if used more frequently. These are only expected life times, and natural variation will of course occur and play a role in the outcome.

What do I do with this? Don't know. 2 cm length and 1 cm girth increase sounds appealing. On the other hand, inflating an hour every morning and an hour every night is a practical problem. It means two hours per day where I normally would either get out of bed, take a quick shower and get to work - or when I'd like to fall asleep as soon as possible since I always go to bed too late anyway.
And then there is my guru's words echoing in my head as well ("No way you will gain length from now. The length is what it is" and "The girth will expand a bit over time no matter if you inflate daily or not")
And for sure, if the daily inflation would mean I would decrease the lifetime of the device from let's say 12 years to 8 years, that'd make quite a big difference. It'd mean that I'd probably would have to have 5 replacements during my life instead of 3.

And finally, you still don't hear me shouting hallelujah from over here, but I have to admit I am getting closer to that moment...