Introduction & My situation; help please!

[Bluegarden87]

Hi guys, I just joined today and wondered if you'd indulge me for few minutes while I explain my situation and why I'm here.

I'm 28 and have struggled with psychological ED pretty much all my life; I've always steered clear of potential hook-ups even in my teens and thought nothing particularly strange about it, just assuming I perhaps wasn't 'ready' and that when I was ready I would know and everything would work out fine. Also, alcohol played a part in most interactions with women so I always blamed that. I'd say I'm a fairly decent looking guy and I've always been blessed with a lot of friends and been sought after by the opposite sex so my friends probably think I do alright for myself; but they don't know the half of it.

In the past few years I've had two girlfriends who were both incredibly beautiful, and it was with the first that I realised something wasn't right. We met at a music festival and we added on Facebook where I then took the odd approach of taking her on holiday with me to Brussels(!) It was on holiday then I then realised I felt virtually nothing when engaged in a sexual situation; I was horrified. This then happened two more times on the holiday but I put it down to stress as my job was bringing me down a bit but I knew it wasn't that. We met again a few months later and the same happened...I felt NOTHING.

I then met another girl, who is probably still the most beautiful girl I've ever met, and I had the same issues. I at least got hard initially with her but then as soon as she went down on me I lost everything again. I wasn't panicking or breathing quickly or anything but my body had let me down. Again. We saw each other a few more times and then she decided she didn't want to go out again as she was moving away for a year with Uni but I think it was probably down to my failings in the bedroom. So alarm bells are ringing now and I start reading things online that it may be linked to something serious so I go to the doctors. All my blood-work is fine and I'm given some low-dosage viagra.

So then I meet the girl I'm with now; we've been going out since January and she's great. Beautiful, kind...everything I'm after. On our third date she asked if I wanted to stay over when we were drinking at hers and I agreed and took a few of the viagra in the bathroom. Foreplay went great and I was 'ready to go' and then as soon as she went down on me I lost it. Again. This has then happened twice more after that. Regrettably, I decided not to tell her about how it's affected me in the past and my visits to the doctor so I was left having to explain that it's no fault of hers but mine. To appease the situation I went back to the doctors and they got the blood tests done again and everything came back fine again and now I've been referred to a Psycho-sexual therapist which I haven't started with yet. I got given stronger viagra from the Docs which I tried once but in hindsight it was a waste as it was 3am and we were both drunk/tired.

So, now I am left with a constant sick feeling in my stomach at my situation and every ounce of self esteem and sexual confidence I've ever had has been shot. My mood has been one of self pity to which my girlfriend took issue with complaining that it seems like I've already given up ever trying to sort myself out; she's exactly right. I feel like I have. She's been incredible all the way through but in my mind I'm a lost cause and it's only a matter of time before I'm going to have to break up with her because of my own guilt & embarrassment. Another issue I have is that I feel very inadequate to her; she could definitely so a lot better than me and I feel this might be causing me some anxiety I clearly need to shake off. We've both spent a lot of money on a holiday for next weekend which I'm really looking forward to but I have a constant worry that this issue is going to put a dampener on the time away. The fact we've spent a lot on it puts a bit of un-needed pressure on me already and I don't want to be the reason the holiday wasn't perfect. She's a very pretty girl and it's only a matter of time before she meets someone else who can give her everything I can't.

My girlfriend insisted I book in with a private therapist as the NHS referral hasn't come to anything yet, so I have been in touch with one in my area and I'm waiting to heard back about an appointment. I'm hoping that if I can get myself sorted psychologically, then I can get myself sorted physically. I think my plan for the holiday is to try and clear my head of any anxious thoughts and remember that I still have some of the viagra available to me and to just 'live in the moment' and hope that everything can work out; this holiday could make or break us. I can't believe that something that's supposed to be so enjoyable can be such the opposite...

Anyone with any thoughts/questions about above then I'd be delighted to hear them.

At this point I'll mention I have no history of an abusive childhood, soured relationships or anything so there's no link to that. I also haven't tried any of the herbal remedies/rings or anything either.

Thanks for your time

[tomas1]

Welcome to the club. I guess no one has responded since it's almost impossible to give you any kind of advice.
It really sounds like you've found the kind of woman who will try to help you get through your problem.
When I was dating my wife I always suffered from PE. Before that, I never had that problem with other women. I assume it was due to being so over excited when we tried it. As soon as we got married, the problem went away. She never mentioned that it was a problem before we were married. I guess if the pills don't seem to work, maybe you could try injections. Believe me, they aren't as scary as you'd think. Also maybe the therapist will help you get through this. I'm sure everyone here is hoping you solve this problem and your girlfriend keeps supporting you on this.

[Jamesbond]

Hi
When you go see a dr they may ask you to take a test called a regiscan
(Maybe misspelled) waste of time if this long going on problem.
You need to see a good Dr
They do a Doppler test.
I had it done 2X got 2 different answers.
Most urologist say they can help you but they treat every urological issue.
From what I have found they are just guessing.
Took me years several urologist and asking questions before my urologist agreed to the Doppler.
That is an easy nothing test.

My urologist is a good guy. Sent him family member. Took great care of him also.
Some of his patients are other Dr's.

They say shots are more effective than viagra
Neither worked for me.

You might want to try other pills.
Are other oral medications that might work. Ask the Dr. for another med.
Might want to try that 1st. It is the easiest way

After pills try injections.
Recently I found a uro that specilizes in Ed.
I live near a major city. Probably a few dozen urologist. All claim to treat Ed.
Guy I found I think that is all he treats.
I was not happy with the choices he gave me. I saw another uro that also does implants.
Did not like his answers either. I am stuck.

The Dr that specializes in Ed was cheaper and easier source of medication and needles for doing the tri -mix injections.

The injections hurt for me. Can't speak for everyone. It hurt less than I thought it would.
After a few times it hurt less. They make a creame that you can buy over the counter to numb the area.
It helps.

The implant is permanent. It does not answer or fix all the problems. That is why I have not gotten it.
Looks like I will be getting implant in the long run.
If that is your only option, follow this site to get a better idea what you're getting into.

You are not alone. I am older. But thier are younger guys on here with same problem.

Good luck

[charlesr]

Please don't take this wrong, but you are definitely in need of a therapist. You need to find out if your situation is a result of your emotional and psychological state. My reading of your blog definitely indicates that to me. I would cool it with the medications and see the Psycho-sexual therapist before you do anything else. I think your present girlfriend will applaud this action as, from what you wrote, she seems like quite a spectacular person. So take a deep breath, sit down and have a good talk with your girlfriend, don't try to turn your weekend holiday into the Sexual Olympics and see the Psycho-sexual therapist and I have the feeling that everything will turn out fine.

Trust me; there are an enormous amount of medical solutions out there. But that is definitely not the first course of action; especially in your case. If it is determined that it is needed for you, the solutions will be there. But get your psyche straightened out first.

[JimStars]

Blue,

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time of it.

You did not mention if you might have porn caused ED... the symptoms are similar to what you have described.

Maybe the best place to look around would be over on pegym.com -- since they also have AntiPorn therapies (and other psychological causes) there and just all around stuff to make sure your EQ (Erection Quality) is the best a man can get ...

J

[Bluegarden87]

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for your thoughts and opinions. I am just home from my second Psycho-sexual therapy session and am feeling fairly tired from the questions that were thrown my way in the past hour. So far I've been diagnosed as having sexual performance anxiety (fairly obvious...) and we've done some historical documenting of where things have gone wrong. Porn induced ED probably plays a part here and it's something I need to try and combat. I'm going to have a series of exercises to do in the coming weeks but my therapist keeps trying to instill in me that I need to forget what has happened in the past and focus on being a bit more positive.

The holiday was excellent but my ED still occurred but I managed to adapt to focusing my energy on pleasuring her so I feel better knowing I have that in my locker and as a result we're much closer and she has told me I'm 'very talented' with my fingers & tongue This obviously makes me feel a lot less useless. We've even discussed the future about having kids etc so I feel supported by her and she's not away to up and leave me anytime soon.

My plan for the next week is to try and stay away from porn and prepare myself for my next therapy session next week...

Cheers guys.

Alex

[charlesr]

Good plan of action!

[alibaba]

Never ever give up! The best gal will never give up on you as long as you are fighting too. I've heard there is success in therapy for both partners where they teach your partner how to help too. Best of luck to you sir. Stay well rested, slack up with the hooch, try to do it earlier instead of after a long long night. Try it first thing in the morning. Positions matter to some of us too. Some of us have to be on top or bottom or we lose it when we change directions. Expand your horizons that way. Might work.