ED will kill me. Soon.

[defiant]

Thanks for your words NOWHARD.

But I've been thinking about this a lot lately, tying to get to the route cause and you know how you just know your body? I'm sure something physical is at play. And I've just written about it in another thread.

I think there could be something systemic wrong with me since 18.

[Anonymous2]

Thanks for your words NOWHARD.

But I've been thinking about this a lot lately, tying to get to the route cause and you know how you just know your body? I'm sure something physical is at play. And I've just written about it in another thread.

I think there could be something systemic wrong with me since 18.

So what happened when you was 18 then, as you say it all started then, because your problem is up and not down, if it was then you was told you was no good all because of drink, well all the guys on here have gone through that little problem, its called brewers droop, so if its all because of that then you should have just laughed it off and that would have been your cure, but since the you have compounded it, its a massive great stack of self guilt you have built so high you cant even see over it, that's your problem, can you see that, its what up top that's stopping down below working as you want it to, and it wont till you get to a trick cyclist to help you break down this massive stack you have built up.

I know we don't like to think that way, we all think how good we are, and we are perfect, till you come up to what your problem is, and this is where a trick cyclist will help you.

Good Luck

NOWHARD

[charlesr]

It has always been said that the largest sex organ in the human body is the BRAIN. It can wreak havoc. I realize that no one can know more about your body than you. However, as an outside observer, I would guess that your 21-year-old episode was a result of drinking too much. Then, as a result of your somewhere-around-21-year-old- girlfriend's comments, you were pretty much screwed up for life.

This could be a totally incorrect assessment. What I would suggest; for what it's worth; would be to rule out things one at a time. Have you seen a top notch urologist? You should get at least a second opinion. This would either open up a discovery that others haven't found or rule out a physical cause once and for all. Then, I would do some heavy-duty counseling.

Not to be an unsympathetic old codger, but, at 32, sex problems seem magnified 100 fold over the silly things us old dudes have to deal with like prostate cancer and real-live physical ED with no sign of any cure. And, guess what? I'm the latter! An old guy with all of the problems that I have just mentioned. And guess what else? I'm happy as a clam! The cancer has built up my wife and my relationship more than ever and I have an implant and a heck of a great sex life as a result.

Please don't let your ED get in the way of your relationship! It can happen that your bad feelings can corrode what is at this time a great relationship. Let it build it up, not tear it away. But also, please know that you have a lot of life ahead of you and you will accomplish a lot of great things (that you know nothing about right now) in your life ahead. I know that your problem seems anything but insignificant, but it pales by comparison to the devastation that your suicide would create. And, it will seem like nothing ten years from now (or even less time than that).

Like I said, sorry if I seem like an unsympathetic old codger. But if you don't hear this kind of advice in FrankTalk you won't hear it anywhere.

[tomas1]

It looks like we're all dancing around one possibility.
I'd really recommend seeing some kind of GOOD mental health professional, especially with the possible suicidal tendencies. I really hope that was just a cry for help.
Easy for me to say, but it's one way to attack this problem.
Best of luck though.

[oowright]

Going through this thread I believe that this guy knows what to do but wants to be fed from a feeding bottle. No one will. So he's left with going ahead with what he's "threatening" and be forgotten by the world in two weeks! That also, I'm sure he won't do. We leave off pampering him for a while and later I think we'll see him writing glorious posts about how wonderful injections or an implant is ...

[defiant]

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to first and foremost say a massive thank you to all those of you who have replied with comments and advice, even the harsher comments as they too are needed and helpful. Tomas, Charles, Jonbald, NOWHARD, oowright, all of you! Thank you.

I am writing from the lobby of my very nice hotel in Cyprus, it's my last day here. I've had a week's break alone as it's been a tough few months and some reclusive R&R was definitely needed. My erections here have been better. Perhaps there's something about the food or the climate or being more relaxed - I don't know. However, last night I was masturbating and I wanted to watch something new as the video I selected wasn't great (yes I know I shouldn't watch porn) and the wifi dropped and OF COURSE, I got stressed, can i maintain it, can i, can i, oh look it's going! I came to completion eventually but my hard-on was only about 70%. My mood suffered because of this and only served as negative reinforcement, thus.....cycle: perpetuated.

I have been getting more nocturnal erections here (that I've been noticing) and some solid morning erections though the minute I become aware of them, they will begin to fade. Indeed, when I asked why I get so few morning erections, Dr. Kuehhas at London Andrology told me that nocturnal erections mostly occur when you are in deep sleep (REM sleep) hence you are not aware of them. This pattern I experience would fit in with a deeper psychological problem.

As has been highlighted to me by Dr. Kuehhas and St Peter's Andrology (another specialist Andrology clinic on London's illustrious Harley St), I really do not have any risk factors for physical ED and should not be experiencing it: I'm fit, a good BMI, I go to the gym, I'm active, my bloods have been good barring some low vitamin D but who in the UK doesn't have low vit-D, I have had two Doppler ultrasounds carried out by these two teams and both showed NO venous leak and NO veno-occlusive disorder, I've had no injury to that area, my heart is healthy (as far as I know) latest ECG was normal and I'm young! (relatively-speaking) 32. And this slippery slope began when I was 21 as I've mentioned. And my hormones are in check.

The decline in ability definitely correlates to increased anxiety over performance. But which comes first, the physical decline or the anxiety. Classic chicken and egg scenario. And therein lies my problem.

I must learn to believe that this really is a deeply-rooted psychological BLOCK. But, every time my erection begins to fade when I masturbate and fade it will QUICKLY without stimulation (5-10 seconds), or the fact that a standing erection seems to be fantasy, or the fact I never get spontaneous erections or the fact my morning wood is few and far between ---- it all tells my brain 'DUDE, you definitely have a physical problem'. So it makes me believe that I just cannot be healed. And if I have no cialis in my system, sex is just a massive TRIAL, not something i look forward to.

So of course I've developed a placebo dependence on cialis now also. Luckily I am in a relationship with a beautiful young woman who I really want to marry one day soon. I revealed all a few weeks ago and that I'd been taking pills. She already knew my history with lymphoma (6 years clear) ED pre-dated this. She has stated her support. And said so many nice things like she wants to help me, that she won't leave me and so on. That even if we couldn't do it, we'd use toys etc! Good grief. But of course, we all know that women, whether consciously or subconsciously, want a man who can take them passionately whenever, wherever. And so my mind is whispering to me, she will leave you at some point, man. She is Spanish and therefore ultra-passionate and was so very surprised when I told her all of this because she has regularly said she is having the best sex of her life with me. And trust me, I know she isn't faking it. Some things just can't be faked! Let's just say hairdryers aren't just good at drying hair! So I should take some solace from this too.

My mind is my enemy. How weird.

I'm really up against it, as we all are, some more than others I know. But for a young man this can be so so so so dangerous. It really does risk ruining a life. I know that it needn't.

I will do the following: work to be as fit a human as possible, work for fitness, agility, endurance, not size. I will take supplements such as Nowhard's spice regimen and I am already trialling vitamin C and garlic pills. It is said that this is an extremely effective combination. I will have my pelvic floor assessed by a specialist physio. I stopped the kegels for now as I felt like I had an improvement straight away then a big drop.

Most importantly though, I will begin work on calming my mind; meditation, yoga but above all, I will seek a highly qualified and reputable psychosexual counsellor. I really hope CBT or something similar can help me.

I really do hope and pray this really is, all in my mind. They say that ED in young men is more often than not, a psychological issue so I am logically inclined to agree, knowing my history. And I more than anyone know how powerful the mind is. In the first year post chemo, I was regularly convinced that the cancer was back and my mind was sooooo distraught and convinced, (key word, convinced) that it was creating the symptoms I had when I actually HAD the brain tumour.

What the mind conceives, it most definitely can achieve.

Again, thank you all for your support and words.

It's good to know that multiple layers of treatment still exist.

Wish me luck!!!!
All the very best to you all!
DEFIANT!

[charlesr]

Good for you, DEFIANT! Sounds like you're on the right track. Also sounds like you have a great girl! She wants to work (play) with you.

I apologize, as I didn't realize that you once had lymphoma. That can be a physical phenomena that can greatly affect your psyche. I have to make a confession (to you and all the guys out there). When I was getting my penile implant. I KNEW that I would have pain and regrets. I was physically and psychologically prepared for it. So I got the implant. And guess what? I was DEVASTATED. I was swallowed in regret practically to the point of tears. "What the hell was I thinking?" was my mantra for about three months. And I KNEW that this was going to happen and it still came on like gangbusters. And, as soon as the pain and the swelling went away and the physical accustoming to the implant was complete, the regrets were GONE, and the joy began as strongly as the regrets!

The point that I'm making is that physical phenomena can have a huge effect on your psyche. The lymphoma may have done more than you realize; even though, yes, it was after the ED began. However, it is possible that you may have started to climb out of the psychological ramifications of your first ED encounter only to get thrown back in.

I really feel that with good counseling you could get totally out of this! There are so many factors that got you in, now you can recollect them all, with good counseling, and get out.

Yup; you're already on the right track. Good luck!