Implants so bad?

[Anonymous2]

Find the time and spend some money on a hooker. Sounds immoral especially that you have a girlfriend. But instead of considering it as cheating, see her as a practical, participating and hands-on shrink. Most (or find such) have had experience with all kinds of ED, mental states and self-complaints. Don't let the girlfriend know though ...

I have to disagree. A prostitute is a poor substitute for a caring relationship. While a legitimate sexual surrogate in a proper clinical setting may be worthwhile, the basis for any relationship worth having is communication between the partners.

My advice is to level with your girlfriend about ALL things. Do not make her your therapist, but let her understand that you love her and want to do right by her, but for whatever reason, some sexual acts are currently beyond your capacity. ASubstitute other sex acts and pleasuring and trust that coitus will come in due time. If it doesn't, then proceed from there.

Candor always deepens a relationship. Keeping secrets is like putting floating mines in your safe harbor. You never know where you may run across one.

Women are remarkably understanding if they feel valued, trusted and loved. Orgasms are one thing, Good men are treasured beyond reason.

Good luck

Lost Sheep

We are going to fail to agree what Defiant really wants, but like I told him before he really needs a weekend of pure naked sex with a women paid or unpaid does not really matter, but he needs to get this seed out of his brain that some women 11 years ago planted, his problem is that he has dwelled on that one thing and its kept growing.

This is why you may have seen he really needs a good trick cyclist to get it out of his brain for him clear it all away just counselling is not really the way to go, his problem is far deeper than that, so a trick cyclist will get in there and do that for him.

But he should really be able to do this by just blanking it out, seems he cant do that as his mind keeps going back and each time he does that its growing bigger and taking over his life and ruining his sex life, he has a problem which he cant get away from, so its a real deep form of performance anxiety, I think this is one time an implant wont help, he really needs to overcome his anxiety problem first then see how things go.

NOWHARD

[defiant]

Yeah, it runs so deeply now. I think I've certainly developed a mental disorder and I don't know if it's even salvageable. Even if I were to be implanted, I would most likely suffer from guilt and shame, even though that is just ridiculous.

I've had several engagements now since my girl has been back, all with some form of Cialis dose in my system, all with a nervousness level of about 9000 but all successful. The andrologists would say that this proves there is no problem. I agree. I just can't shake theses fears and thoughts. I almost hate my own penis now, even though it's my brain that is to blame.

And you're right, this psychologist just isn't cutting it, 50 mins of talking, merely reminding yourself of your problems only to have to think about it further for another 2 weeks without any contact. It's tantamount to torture.

[Lost Sheep]

Yeah, it runs so deeply now. I think I've certainly developed a mental disorder and I don't know if it's even salvageable. Even if I were to be implanted, I would most likely suffer from guilt and shame, even though that is just ridiculous.

I've had several engagements now since my girl has been back, all with some form of Cialis dose in my system, all with a nervousness level of about 9000 but all successful. The andrologists would say that this proves there is no problem. I agree. I just can't shake theses fears and thoughts. I almost hate my own penis now, even though it's my brain that is to blame.

And you're right, this psychologist just isn't cutting it, 50 mins of talking, merely reminding yourself of your problems only to have to think about it further for another 2 weeks without any contact. It's tantamount to torture.

Yes, self-examination is often tantamount to torture.  But there is seldom gain without pain.  This applies to mental gain as well as it does to strength training and to physical conditioning.
 
Also, self-examination in a vacuum (without a therapist or sounding board of some kind) is often much more difficult.  Sometimes a sympathetic friend, a helpful forum (this one or one dedicated to sex and guilt or whatever) or a dog (canine companions are vastly under-rated as talk therapists; they listen intently, do not judge and never blab your secrets).
 
Lost Sheep

[Lost Sheep]

I had difficulty leaving behind guilt over sex.  God gave us sex and made it enjoyable for a reason.  I believe the reason is NOT as a temptation, but as a way to edify our love for a spouse or life partner.  Most of the other "stuff" attached to sex is a construct that society and its hierarchy has put on the sex act as a way of controlling the masses.  We are better off to ignore that construct and enjoy the gift of the joy of sex.  Honor it.  Honor your love.  
 
I am not advocating an "If if feels good, do it." philosophy, but I do suggest, "If it feels good, there must be something to it." approach.
 
The intimacy of the sex act is a bonding that is nothing but good if each of you love the other person.  Do you love her?  Then making love with her is a gift to her that honors her (and vice versa) and nothing to feel anxious about, nothing to feel guilty about.
 
Sex is not an athletic event.  If the flesh fails, the nobility of the effort remains.  Put your ego aside and love her (and make love with her) in any way you can.  Start with a foot massage and work your way up to hair brushing and then back down again.  It's all good.
 
Lost Sheep

P.s. If you WANT to make sex an athletic event, you can, and that can be a lot of fun, but, to me, that is not its primary purpose. Primarily it is to bring two people into a deeper relationship, then procreation, then fun.

[charlesr]

I have two posts after this, because I can't figure out how to delete posts once I put one in. Forgive my ramblings and empty quotations. Can someone tell me how to delete my posts or is that feature discontinued? Also; how do I put in other people's quotes?

I thought I was good at this.

[charlesr]

I cannot add to Lost Sheep's posts, but he is very wise. Listen to him!

[charlesr]

I have to disagree. A prostitute is a poor substitute for a caring relationship. While a legitimate sexual surrogate in a proper clinical setting may be worthwhile, the basis for any relationship worth having is communication between the partners.

My advice is to level with your girlfriend about ALL things. Do not make her your therapist, but let her understand that you love her and want to do right by her, but for whatever reason, some sexual acts are currently beyond your capacity. Substitute other sex acts and pleasuring and trust that coitus will come in due time. If it doesn't, then proceed from there.

Candor always deepens a relationship. Keeping secrets is like putting floating mines in your safe harbor. You never know where you may run across one.

Women are remarkably understanding if they feel valued, trusted and loved. Orgasms are one thing, Good men are treasured beyond reason.

Good luck

Lost Sheep[/quote]

Well put (this and your following posts) Lost Sheep!

[defiant]

You guys have been so helpful, honestly, this place is like a band of brothers.

Most of you will have a vague idea of my situation and background from my many ramblings on here, begging, hoping against hope for help. Some may not. So to summarise in bullet point form, because we all love lists:

- bad experience at 21
- EQ decline slowly over the years
- Anxiety increased at a steady rate
- lymphoma at 26 - cured
- 'mild' VL diagnosed just after by the same hospital's urology team via Doppler
- believed I had a real problem (perhaps I do)
- began using Cialis as required for sex
- at 29 sought out a specialist Andrology team - Doppler again, no VL found
- Cont. using Cialis, now dependent
- Anxiety over sex now second nature
- Saw another specialist andrologist 3 months ago, another Doppler, again, no VL found
- twice diagnosed with psychogenic ED
- All bloods in normal ranges
- Weak pelvic floor diagnosed by physio team last week
- Two sessions of psychotherapy attended - little to help just yet
- Now anxiety and depression at all time highs
- Have a girlfriend who is supportive but beginning to show impatience with my attitude which is somewhat despairing (not my usual confident, outgoing self)

I'm at a point now where I have developed an acute anxiety over this issue. It is destabilising everything, I'm not doing well at work. I'm a mess really. I feel like my strength has all but been used up by now. I fear sex, I fear masturbation even. I feel disconnected from my penis.

If I lose my girl which I feel may very well happen, I will be in the worst position I can be in. Single and afraid to engage with women, crippled by fear, anxious of sex. Impotent. Psychotherapy certainly doesn't work on your own. If it comes to this point, will it not be my only recourse to either accept being alone or should I seek specialist implanter advice?

I don't want to go down that route. I believe nothing is physically wrong even though every day I wake without an erection. But I do get them in the night sometimes. 100% strength ones. And I've been told that as Cialis works for me, it virtually rules out a leak. (I don't agree with this statement). I'm scared to go down the 5mg daily route as the peak plasma rate is lower and thus I feel my anxiety will overpower it.

This is all such a shame. Honestly. I'm 32 and I'm actually a really good looking man. I'm always being flirted with by women. If this wasn't an issue I would be completely free of stress.

I want nothing more than a good woman and a family of my own one day. It's all I've ever dreamed of and this situation; my crippling state of fear has me at the point where I don't believe any of that will ever happen. I literally believe my fate is to be alone and unhappy.

Perhaps an implant can solve that, one day, maybe.

[Anonymous2]

Hi Defiant All an implant will do is give you an erection, it wont clear away that seed that was planted by that women 11 years ago and all the anxiety that's it dumped on you its all this that has to be swept away before you ever get straight with sex, this is why you really in need of sexual performance anxiety shrink, counselling I don't think is the right way out of your problems, I would think your just going over the problems you have now bringing all to the top, a great way to interrupt your sex life.

One thing that could help you now would be meditation, it will help cure your anxiety, and that would be a big help to you, for that all you do is google anxiety and meditation your find all the help you need, also look around you to see if there is a local group who you can join to help you get into the art of meditation, its something you do first thing each morning and when you fill the world falling in on you just go off somewhere quite and do some more, the more you find out the art of meditation the more you will fill it working.

But the getting naked with a women for a whole weekend would be a good way of getting over your other problem, and its something that needs doing weekend after weekend Friday night all the way through till Monday morning, idea behind this is to get as much sex as you can by keeping in a relaxed mode, best with the women you now love, you must ask her for her help, and you really will have to tell her why, this is one thing you really need Defiant, now this would be a very good therapy, match this up with meditation, could be very good for you.

NOWHARD

[Lost Sheep]

Tantric Sex

Just an idea.

Lost Sheep