Reinventing yourself

[Frank Talk Admin]

A wise man once said that there were two times in life that a man explored his sexuality - the first was during adolescence; the second was after ED. So much has been taken from us sexually that we have to fight to wring every bit of pleasure from our bodies.

How do you masturbate? How do you explore new sensations? What do you do that will still deliver a mind-blowing orgasm? The simple Roll and Poke is gone. Even a quick JO session in the shower has changed. What have your been willing to explore sexually to still turn yourself on?

If a new guy comes here, what advice can you give him so he can still feel like a stud?
Paul

[franglais]

x

[tatt2man]

Toys can be a helpful way to explore what you want to achieve and help train the muscles and nerve endings to do your bidding ...

individual masturbators are usually inexpensive items to help get the penis and brain working again. There is even a series of masturbation toys shaped like a flashlight and you insert your penis into the end opening that is ( get ready for this ! ) your choice of a hungry mouth - hot pussy - or eager butt hole - this company covers all the bases ... for whatever sexual orientation or inclination you have.

Some devices you can find online or in a local sex shop - and if you are not too worried - you could visit your local gay sex shop in town (if available) - it could have a wider selection of toys ( and more durable due to more frequent use of product) - most products are available online for discretion - but I feel it is better to see it in person and hold it - to see the quality of the item ( I have been burned by impulse buying ).

Tantric sex session can be a good way for your and your wife/partner to rediscover each other - and how you used to enjoy each others body in the hot unbridled passion of youth ... even without penetration or ejaculation .... mind you, I have conditioned myself to enjoy shooting "blanks" especially since they are less messy and easier clean up time ...

Have fun and remember to say - I love you - as often as you can ....

hugs
BRONSON

[rdpugh]

When full on ED hit, I would still masturbate like normal but at most I would have a 50% erection, mainly just a little thickening. Other times I would use lots of lubrication and rub and massage the head of my penis. Other times my wife would hold one of her vibrating eggs on the head of my penis. Now a days, at the end of a pumping session I sometimes put the constriction rings on like I would for having sex, but I masturbate instead. Nice to masturbate again with a full erect penis. I have to use alot more lube now or if I am in the shower, soap. Sometime back I bought my wife a Hitachi Magic Wand, a large handheld "massager" that plugs into the wall socket . I use this on myself too. We both love the Hitachi Magic Wand. I put the massager head on the underside. The massager head is large enough to cover the whole penis when flaccid. I sometimes pump up and put constriction rings on and use the massager. I put it right on the underside of the penis head. Often I will masturbate, or do something to ejaculate, some time before having sex so that I can last longer with the wife. I can keep the constriction rings on for 30 minutes, sometimes I like giving her an orgasm and going the full lenght of time. Other times she wants me to cum first.

Now that I have a way to get erect again, I would like to try out something like a Fleshlight. I get plenty of sex from my wife, but we use toys often, always have. Probably the reason why we were both very willing to give the pump a try. They, along with oral sex, helped us remain intimate when I could not get erect. We sometimes use toys on our own and other times use them together. We still use different toys though I can achieve and maintain an erection now. We find them fun to use. We have a whole collection. My wife can experience the sensation of double penetration, or good screwing while giving me a blow job and I can enjoy the blow job and the visual. With other toys we have, she can enjoy double penetration and giving me a blow job, the whole trifecta. Of course again I enjoy the blow job, my orgasm, and the intense orgasm she experiences from this. Or I can get right eye level with her parts that I enjoy the most and enjoy the visual of a dildo stretching her open and going in and out. It never bothered me to use a dildo or vibrator on my wife when I could not get an erection. I enjoyed using them. I was still screwing her and the one giving her an orgasm.

[justus1292]

Being four years post RP and still cancer free, this is an area I still have a lot of difficulty with. For at least a few years prior to diagnosis of Pca, we had a pretty busy sex life. When my surgeon inquired about our sex life I replied: "Doc. I bet I'm in the saddle more times a week then you are". "At age 52, we were doing it 4 to 6 times a week....and my surgeon is at least 15 years younger than us. I have had difficulty making our dates more romantic....with either pills, pump, needles or suppository. Really depressing.

Now, for the part where I have to eat crow. Two weeks post op I found out from my insurance company that my surgeon lost his wife to cancer a week before my surgery.

The moral? Be sure you know a little more about your surgeon befor you run your mouth. I did apologise.

[franglais]

x

[regal1945]

We use a fleshlite and they work great with all the special inserts only bad thing they are hard to cleanup afterward.

[stratford2002]

Let's lighten up this conversation a little bit.
try this

There was a man with ED from Racine
He made for himself a sex machine
both concave and convex,
it would do for either sex
but was niegh impossible to clean!

Keep smiling, ED is not the worst thing that could happen to all of us.

Jim

[3mtrship]

This is actually a re post but probably the better subject location for this post.

Here is what we did to start things again.

We sat down and talked first. We then got full blank sheets of paper each. We promised to put any and everything that we were willing to look at again on the paper. We pledged to be honest and take risk. We admitted we had slowly allowed our sex lives to become plain vanilla, safe, NORMAL. We admitted there were things we wanted to look at again. We admitted we did NOT want to go our own ways apart. We admitted we did NOT know how to do this.

We look back on that now and laugh. Because we both thought at the time that we could guess what the other would put on the paper. We were both far from the truth. We both had suppressed sexual urges for the sake of the family or for the kids and never revealed our frustrations.

We decided to meet and talk again in a week. She told me in no uncertain terms that we each had many senses and at least several holes. All options were on this table. Sight could involve, clothes, costumes, videos, stories, lighting....... Sounds might involve music, background sounds, noises we make while together or words used during........ Where were we willing to touch or be touched, neck, ass, rectum, penis, pussy, ear, nose, tit, stomach, legs, feet....... Taste. Where were we wiling to place our face, tongue, nose or hand........ Smell might involve a skin care product we did not like to be exchanged for something different or sweat or........ Where were we to have all this take place....Toys for us both..........

We pledged to be kind and go easy with no other goal then trying to bring brief pleasure where little existed as we started. We pledged to try and please the other with the balance or focus shifting back and forth. Everything did not work. So that item or technique went away forever. Some things worked OK and we will use occasionally. Some things worked well and we will use occasionally. This gave us a range of new things from which to draw.

We oiled, rubbed, bathed and did it again to clean up after some of the stuff we tried. Don't misunderstand we were not kids again but I gotta tell ya, I have never smelled better in my life.

We found our "NEW NORMAL" after cancer. I had almost allowed my love life and the love of my life to go away because I was so afraid to be vulnerable again and run the risk of my mate telling me no. I allowed for her to tell me no but she also said yes often enough to please me and I her. She had changed in some sexual ways over our years together and never said a word. She now admits she carried part of the burden for things becoming plain.

Are we the same as we were? NO. Are we better then we were? NO Are we OK now? YES.

Feedback is welcome. Jim

[Gingertom3]

After my op I didn't want to talk about e.d. I was embarrassed. When I went back to urology 6 months after the op, a young female registrar asked me "Have you had an erection?" I was shocked. i said no. She said that they could help. Did I want help.
Of course I wanted help but was too embarrassed to say yes.
It took me over two years to overcome my shyness. I went to my local doctor and asked for help. He prescribed ciallis. At first it worked, For the first time in over two years I was able to have sex again with my wife and to experience an orgasm.
The experience itself changed my life. I lost my shyness. I was no longer embarrassed to talk about it. I could go to the chemists for the first time and select sex products from the shelf and pay for them in front of a female. I even got my prescription pump at a pharmacy where a female church colleague served me. I didn't bat an eyelid.
Until then my wife and I didn't talk much about our fantasies and desires. Now we're very open and honest about these things.
I am so much more affectionate than ever before, and she wonders whether an alien has taken over my body! I just want her most of the time. Of course at the age of 67 I don't have the energy to go for it every day. But for nearly a month I was making up for lost time by having intercourse every day, sometimes twice a day. But that wasn't with ciallis. I needed the vacuum pump. And now I use the Muse pellets as well at least once a week. We've slackened off to 3 times a week now. That's a lot better than before the op. I've discovered the joy of sex and the joy of opening up and being completely uninhibited with my affection for her.