I am glad I found this forum

[gollam121]

Hi Danny,
I have been reading these forums for some time but haven’t engaged until now
With regards to your story we have so much in common, about the same age as I am 37 and I have 3 kids. I am recently separated from my wife of 14 years which is a bummer but that’s another story and not for now! The part to which I can relate most to your own story is the fact you have been diagnosed with a congenital venous leak. I was diagnosed at 22 after many failed sexual experiences during my teenage years. I asked to be referred to an urologist because I had met the women of my dreams who ultimately ended up marrying. I had a Doppler scan which confirmed multiple leak sites, however and because I was young I was offered the chance to have vein ligation surgery. This is not commonly offered in the UK and the long term success rates weren’t great, however I felt I had nothing to lose so went ahead with this procedure in 1997. Although I experienced a great improvement at first things did deteriate over the preceding 12 months, although not to back my original state.
I was able to perform intercourse albeit I only lasted 3-4 mins max, which I guess is better than nothing. Sometimes things didn’t work but I put this down to anxiety which I think is understandable with this condition, all this said my wife got pregnant in 1999 with my oldest daughter, 2001 with my son followed later down the line with an unexpected third in 2009!
I am interested to know how you got diagnosed with your VL. Generally from my research this is not necessarily passed down from the parents and believe it or not I have spoken to my dad about it and he confirms that he doesn’t have this condition. I believe it boils down to testosterone levels during pregnancy, however with the lack of research into this rare condition no specialist can be absolutely certain and that’s the real frustration for guys like you and I because a zero surgical cure seems to be years away as no Uro in the world seems to be bothered in researching this condition.
How many children do you have? I guess you must have been able to perform penetrative sex at some point to have kids at all? Not be nosey just interested really. With regards to me my condition has worsened particularly after my split this July, clearly I want to date again and I have tried injections and cialis with varied but unpredictable outcomes so having an implant appears to be the only option left to me. I’m scared as hell but trying to be positive at the same time and I have been offered this on our NHS system free of charge. I see my uro early Feb and if ready will at some point next year go bionic I hope!
I hope we can correspond more on this going forward, however a few more question to you before I finish; did your wife know you had ED when you met her? How long have you been together? Has your condition gradually got worse?
Gollam
P.s. Hello to the other guys on here, your comments and insights clearly offer a lot of support to other guys with ED, which I applaud. Keep up the good work.

[danny1553]

Hi Gollam121

Yes indeed we have a lot in common. I am sorry to hear that you got divorced... this is not something that helps in situations like ours.
Just like you I also have 3 kids though each next one was coming with "more difficulties" due to progressing condition.
I think I have been having this condition from my birth but during the younger age that was compensated with extremely high level of testosterone. At age 17 when I started my sexual life I used to have sex 3-4 times a day almost every day and only at 3rd or 4th intercourse my erection was weaker.
Later when I met my would be then wife at age 23 I started noticing something "unusual". She was virgin and for a while my erection level was not good enough to penetrate though since she was a bit nervous about "first time" I was usually "hiding" the condition by backing up and saying that we'll try next time when she would be "more comfortable". Eventually we passed that stage and for a while our sexual life was OK. Then I got quite a few life shakes such as unemployment, poverty, living in different countries etc. That's when the things became really bad but I used to blame the "external conditions" for that. And to my surprise when my life got back to normal and relaxed I noticed that not only my erection goes away very quickly but also I drastically lost my "sexual appetite". To my luck my wife was not complaining and seemed to be understandable. Besides having 3 kids running around the house doesn't create that much of arose .

I went to see my family doc but as you already know nobody seems to be interested in solving the issue. Without any analysis or tests he just prescribed me with Viagra. I tried and was not excited. It was causing me way too much of side-effects such as flashing, headache on top of the marginally better than usual erection. So I said about this to my doc and he just prescribed me Levitra & Cialis - turned out to be "the same nuts, just angle view". I gave up and so did my family doc.

Then I moved to another province and got access to better selection of specialists. I told my doc that my sexual desire is virtually non-existing. He sent me for the testosterone test and found out that my level is half from the minimum acceptable level. I've got the T-shot therapy that up to a certain degree improved my libido (though I cannot say I am happy about the achievement) but the erection level continued to decrease. Currently the only position I can have intercourse without constant loosing an erection is when I am entering from behind while we are standing. The problem though, that this pose gives absolutely no satisfaction to my wife - basically she feels nothing but irritation associated with the following "cleanup" procedure.

I said to my doc about my erection concern (that's when I started realizing that the problem might be not "environmental" - aka "in my head"). He referred me to the urologist and after 1.5 years of waiting I got to see a well respected specialist. The very first thing after the blood test he did was the duplex test. The injection that was supposed to create the firm erection produced only “lazy wake up” but still on the monitor he found that I am leaking quite badly. He scheduled me for more strong and strongest injection test though from his level of knowledge he seemed to realize already that injections wouldn’t work in my case. It was made mostly “to make sure”. Indeed, the second strong dose produced about 2 min of the erection time; and the last test with the max possible strength and volume produced 3 min of the erection. This way the doctor concluded of the venous leak and suggested that could be genetic since otherwise I am an athletic-looking person. I spoke with my mother and she said that indeed my father has been having similar symptoms for his entire life; and his father (through indirect inputs from my grandma to my mom) seemed to have that problem too.
So the urologist started talking about “alternatives”. He mentioned that in my case the venous surgery is just a “waste of time”. Arterial Revascularization is one of the options he is considering however the waiting time for the surgery is more than 2 years. Or the last resort would be the implant. For now I am waiting for the “pump training” that is expected to be done some time in February 2012. The problem is that the “pump specialist” visits our city once every few month and when he is coming next is still undetermined. The rational for that pump (in according to the uro) was to “start stretching”; and to make sure that the surgery would be the only option left to try. Initially I was puzzled about “start stretching” until I read about the common implant problem of penile shortening.
Well I guess I have nothing to lose so if I go bionic so it’ll be. Meanwhile the idea of getting my lazy dick even shorter than it is now just drives me crazy. To compensate for the future shortening I’ve started using penis extender (from X4 Lab). My idea is to increase the length as much as possible with the extender and the pump before it goes shorter. This way, I hope not to lose too much of so valuable length.
Whenever I go for the surgery I’ll ask for the sterilization in the same time. Initially the idea of become sterile was freaking me out; but later I realized that since I am carrying a bad gene that would be unfair to pass this condition to children, so I guess it is more the matter of “biological responsibility”.

Have you talked with your doc about Arterial Revascularization? I know this is a rare type of surgery and in North America there are only 2 doctors performing it, but maybe in Europe this is different.
What type of the implant are you considering? From what I know the properly installed and operating implant can make your dick indistinguishable from the natural one. My only concern (more of the academic question since I am still married) would be what to do in cases when a woman starts first, and starts from the BJ… I am not really sure how long it takes to fully pump it and how to make it so that your girl wouldn’t notice that.
I think going bionic is not that bad after all. Yes this is a “patch” to the body, but so are breast implants, dental implants, eye glasses and even long-term medications. So, one more - one less is not a big deal.
The advantage though that once we get older we’d remain “competitive” in comparison to our peers who lost their firmness due to natural and health related decrease of this functionality

[gollam121]

Hi Danny,
It’s really interesting to hear your feedback. You write in lot of detail which is good so we can understand fully what we are all facing.
Taking a positive pill for a second, you and I are very lucky to have met understanding women, albeit in my case she has just left me! Although I won’t go into loads of detail I am 99% certain it wasn’t about my performance in bed. You see I worked long hours and after the birth of our difficult youngest daughter in 2009 she gave up work and became bored with her emotional needs not being met as I wasn’t around, I guess she just felt like a spare part although I won’t beat myself up too much as she was the one that committed the adultery without even attempting to reconnect with me to save our marriage. The fact we have been able to have children is also a bonus and combined with meeting understanding women this is far better than some guys our age with a VL have experienced after reading the many blogs around online. Many guys have never had sex at all or even had a meaningful relationship and that’s really sad!
All this said we both would rather not have to deal with this, so what’s next? Well not sure about Arterial Revascularization because I have had venous surgery and my Uro states that the European health body seriously recommends that a second procedure isn’t undertaken, so the only other option I have is to go the bionic route with all its pros and cons attached; what have I got to lose? A life of crap sex or the chance of becoming fully functional and as you put it we can outperform our peers over the coming years.
One thing is certain a venous leak in the old boy isn’t going to cure itself and for sure as the advancing years come and go other organic tissue failings will come into play and make matters worse or so my Uro says!
I have seen the pics with the rods sticking out, floppy glands, and infections (most scared of this!) etc… However and in the main most guys are happy with their new toys, so I deduce from this that the pros generally outweigh the cons. As for shortening, I have been told that you can lose a bit on the first surgery, although this tends to be very little and if you go for the AMS700LGX there is apparently scope for stretching things out over time, hence being only about 5½” I think this would be my preferred option.
As I say my next appointment isn’t until Feb 6th so I won’t be clear yet on the timing of any future surgery so I will keep posting and sharing my thoughts pre and post appointment.
Another positive pill moment before I leave! I have met another girl who appears to be also understanding, albeit very early days. My mantra is go for it and not accept being a lonely bastard all my life! Been through all the embarrassing bits like seeing doctor for the first time, failing in bed with different girls and telling parents!!! Bollocks to it (English phrase!) , I’m going to face it head on and eventually get things sorted even at the stage of last resort which an implant is.
Will catch up soon.
Gollam

[danny1553]

Hi Gollam
The same here – 5 ½” which I consider to be the “bare minimum” and so seems my wife since mostly she has vaginal climaxes. So the idea of loosing even ½” sounds scary to me.
As for the emotional issue I understand you. Our relationships were miserable when for few years I had to work 12-14hrs a day with just one weekend day; or even without one. She was staying home alone and reading “women romance novels” was creating a great imbalance between the “world of romantic fantasies” and miserable reality. Sometimes I am really puzzled why she has not ditched me considering her appearance and likable personality… At least now I spent a lot of time with her so her social and communication needs are addressed... in opposite to the sexual ones.
I wish the entire decision-solution cycle was much shorter, as I am afraid that with our public health care realities I’ll get “fixed” right at my retirement age

[Walter1p]

I will address one of your other frustrations because it has bothered me a lot since I had an RP in 2010, the “other women” issue, so you know you are not alone in this one, either. (The idea that I can be only a “friend” with a woman drives me crazy.). My wife of 35 years had been wonderfully supportive. But, besides wanting to please her, which I cannot totally do any more, there is the other issue. We had a great sex life before the RP, but, let’s face it, men look at women. I have been totally faithful to my wife, but when I saw or met attractive women, the fantasies went wild, and this was the outlet for me that kept me home. But now, the fantasies are still great until I remember I can’t follow thru even if the current object of them “dropped it in my lap.” But it will get better, I think, because implants are not dependent on blood flow nearly as much as other methods are. And, like somebody recommended, try the cock ring. Sometimes works for me.

[bob1138]

Welcome Danny,

The Penile Implant would seem to be the right choice to correct the venous leakage which you describe.
As you correctly point out Viagra increases blood flow to the Penis, however, low blood flow (arterial insufficiency) is not your problem.
Your problem is venous leakage, the inability of the penis to retain the blood long enough to maintain an erection which is suitable for intercourse. Clearly, this is very frustrating.
The Penile Implant is a mechanical device and does not care what is causing your Erectile Dysfunction (ED). It just corrects the problem!!!
I will share my story to give you some background.
I developed ED Post Prostatectomy in February 2004 at age 65.
I had never had an ED problem prior to my Prostatectomy.
I suffered all the negative emotions associated with ED for several years and then, in December 2007, I underwent the
Coloplast Titan Penile Implant Procedure at Hackensack University Medical Center in Bergen County, New Jersey.
The Titan Implant completely corrected my ED and restored both my sex life and the emotional intimacy with my wife
of 45 years. We are both very happy and very greatful for the Titan Implant.
I became a Patient Educator for Coloplast in January 2008 in order to share my pre-Implant and post-Implant experiences with other men still suffering with ED and its devastating side effects.
I wish you and your wife all the best during this difficult time for the both of you.
Please feel free to contact me in the Forums, Chat Room of PM if you have any questions or just want to talk.

Bob

[Dave48003]

Danny & Gollam:

To both of you welcome, from someone who has walked your path. I have had erection issues since being a teen. Looking back now, it is classic leakage issues, maybe caused in my case by a few nasty falls on a bicycle bar, ouch! Whatever the reason, the results are the same. If I masturbated, I could keep a nice erection and as a teen, I could do it once an hour and ejaculate every time! The problem was when I tried to penetrate. I would immediately start going limp to the point I had trouble getting it in. Mental concentration would generally just cause me to ejaculate quicker, not the solution I wanted, as I have a pleaser personality, I want the other person to be as happy or moreso than I.

I'm 60 now, this site wasn't around when I was "young and hung" like you guys. I tried a pump, a real medical type, not the adult bookstore variety. Those work! Mine has a ring that slides on the pump, the pump slides on the penis, pumping causes an erection, the ring is slid off the pump onto the penis, and the pump removed. Not only will this produce a very good erection that will allow you to have intercourse for at least 15 or 20 minutes, but it is also good for increasing the blood flow to the penis, which increases it's sensitivity, improves the circulation, and stretches it out! I gained about an inch in length and considerable girth while using the pump. I would encourage you both to read everything you can here and on other sites regarding pumping and to do it daily, if possible. No matter what you next course of action, this will be helpful.

Humor. If you don't have it, develop it! Make your partner part of the solution. After all, this isn't just your problem, it is one you share that happens to have a root cause that is part of your body. It doesn't mean she can't help with the solution.

I had an implant on March 17th of this year, St. Paddy's Day. I joked with the doc and the hospital that I wanted green beer instead of anesthetic. One nurse told me she could probably arrange a green dressing so I would have a green weenie, but that was about all she could do. I had some issues. I swelled a lot, the worst my doc had ever seen in over 15 years of doing these. I also had a post surgerical infection, but I got past that also. I think it scared my doc more than me, he was afraid he was going to have to take it out, something he has yet to do. My pump liked to stick to things, so I had some fun prying it loose and it took me a little longer to start inflating and deflating than normal. But I did it twice a day for several months. My length is 1/4" greater than before surgery, and the girth is the same, though my penis is now oval rather than round, so it is actually wider when viewed from above. My wife says it is bigger than it has ever been. I think because it doesn't "give" like my old one when I insert, she feels it more. She is extremely happy with it! We had intercourse this morning. I drove her crazy for about 20 minute before I ejaculated. Then we just layed there for probably 1/2 hour or more. My penis was still in her and fully erect. It is a wonderful experience.

I'm telling you this, because I want you to hear the experience of a real guy, not just some pictures or stories of bad things. Yea, I was aware of all the issues before the surgery. Yea, I was concerned. I talked a lot with my doc and other guys on here. Then I made my decision and I've never looked back. One of you mentioned the "bionic" term. I didn't start the use of that term, but I did start the "Brotherhood of Bionic Boners" that I try to welcome everyone to. I also penned the name "Secret Society of the Limp Dick" as a humorous way to welcome all you new guys and let you know we all know what you're going through. Some of us relate more, some less. But you 2 sound like me 25 years ago. So, I feel a special bond with you, and I hope you will find this site and the guys here as helpful and comforting as I have. If you have any questions, no matter how personal, private, or graphic, I will answer them. Send me a private message if you wish, there is nothing I have been through I will not share with one of my brothers.

Here's to many hard erections to come!!!! Dave

[danny1553]

Thanks a lot guys. That does help a lot… especially these days when my father has developed 2 types of cancer one of which is prostate one… So I am under quite a stress now, but the good thing is that T-Shot therapy does make a big difference to the mental stability. I am no longer on the suicide level of frustration.

Bob and Dave, could you please let us know how long does it take to fully inflate the toy? Is that even possible to make it so that your woman wouldn’t notice when you pump it? If your woman did not know that you had an implant would she notice that through some external factors (during the intercourse or oral)? Is there any change to the sensitivity in terms shorter or longer intercourse?

My wife doesn’t know the details of the implants such as inflation part. She is quite naïve and thinks this is something like a “breast implant” that if done properly is not noticeable. My ultimate goal is that she would not notice any “behavioural” difference but just the increase the erection strength. She is getting high when my lazy dick gets very hard (that still happens once a year) but once it becomes softer her arousal goes away along with the hardness…

Again thanks a lot for sharing your experience.

[Dave48003]

Danny:

First of all, sorry to hear about your Dad. My father has been gone for 16 years now, I still miss him. Cherish the time you have with your parents, and everyone for that matter. We never know who will be gone tomorrow. We're still hurting pretty bad as the lady half of our best friends just passed away. She was a dynamite lady that loved everyone and has left a huge hole. So, I can relate to the depression and the stress. Mine is just due to different things than yours.

Inflation time. In my case, 4 or 5 pumps will give the appearance that I'm "happy to meet you", with a nice bulge in the pants. Another 3 to 5 pumps, I'm pretty firm, that seems to be where my wife enjoys doing the oral most. It is quite firm, though not rock hard and feels pretty natural. Each of those 2 steps can be done in 15 seconds or so, and almost 1 handed. It just looks I'm holding my balls.To get "the beast" really hard requires 2 hands. There is some force required the harder you go. I can get over 20 pumps. If I could hit someone on the head with it at that point, they'd probably be unconscious!

I know of several guys on here (single and playing the field) who do all of this clandestine. One guy has had several partners, and they don't know, they just think he's a stud because he stays hard so long. I suspect they don't pump super hard, because I think it would be detected if they did, particularly during oral.

I'm not sure if your wife would detect it or not. It depends on how much touchy feely you 2 are. I would not recommend you try to keep this a secret, that you involve her, starting right now. The worst possible scenario I could think of would be going through the surgery and recovery and finding out that the whole idea is somehow a turn off for her. My implant is part of me. I'm the one making love to my wife, not some medical device. She's had multiple surgeries with things removed and hardware added, but she is still my wife, I don't even consider that her ovaries and uterus are missing while we are making love. We obviously know my erection doesn't occur naturally, but we incorporate the conversation and the pumping into our routine and have fun with it, there is absolutely no negatives, just passion.

Sensitivity was one of my major concerns. I am diabetic, and I'm getting older, so there is desensitivization from those factors. Then, I've also been circumcised, which removes a significant number of nerves from my "pleasure stick", so I was quite concerned. I had actually had difficulty reaching orgasm a few times, due to sensitivity. Very frustrating. After surgery, due to inflammation and trauma, things were a bit "numb". I was able to gently work the glans area a couple of weeks past surgery and achieve an orgasm (great therapy, by the way.) Now, my glans are at least as sensitive if not more than before. My incision is in the scrotum, I still have a numb path that follows my urethra from my scrotum almost to the glans, but that doesn't bother me during sex or foreplay, and seems to be gradually going away.

There are implants that would be very similar to a breast implant. They are called the malleable rod. Basically, your penis has to flexible rods inserted. When you want intercourse, bend it up. When your done, bend it down. Plusses - least expensive, least complicated, least risk of malfunction, and quick to use! Minuses - your penis is always the same size which will be somewhat shorter and less girth than now which is a disadvantage during sex (unless you are very well endowed, a problem few of us have) and after sex when trying to stow the beast away and not look like you have half a hard on (which you do.) The inflatables have the advantage of growth, some both length and width, and less to stow when your done.

I had a lot of the same questions as you. A gentleman I met on another site (but is also a member here) offered to meet me and demonstrate the device and let me "play" to get an idea how to pump, how to deflate, how it grew, and how it felt compared to a natural erection. That was a very unselfish thing for him to offer, but lets face it, there's nothing like "hands on" experience to help you understand something you are not familiar with. I will make the same offer to someone else that is in the midst of the great debate. The demonstration could also involve your wife, if she wanted. Nothing kinky, just a practical means of answering some questions. Trust me, the model I played with in the doctor's office doesn't really indicate the real result.

By the way, my story complete with pictures is in the implant section. Several other guys have also posted very good documentaries of their journey. I sat down with my wife and looked at some of these so she knew what to expect. She actually took some of my pictures for me. When I first started talking about this, she didn't fully understand why I wanted the implant (mostly the risk involved scared her), and why I would want to take pictures and talk about it. She has seen some messages and postings on here now, and a few months ago told me, "Now I understand why you're doing this." I've been helped, I have to help others. I'm over the embarrassing part.

Dave

[gollam121]

Hi Dave,
A big thanks from me for taking the time out to write about your long but ultimately successful battle with ED, It’s a real inspiration and gives me a lot of hope that taking the plunge on an implant will sort out my venous leak once and for all. I have nothing but respect for your humility to your fellow brothers in arms and by god a good sense of humour really does help because without it we would really be in trouble!
The truth is I have never felt like ending it all because of my ED, I suppose things could have been different if I hadn’t met my now separated but accepting wife so young, we had 3 great kids together and up until this July I thought we had a good life with all its usual ups and downs. Clearly since my split I have been under a lot of stress emotionally with the loss of my wife, worry about my kids and financial pressure. This would be hard for any guy but throw in my ED and it opens up new level of worries because I know this will pose a big hurdle in forming new relationships down the line. Don’t get me wrong I am by no means ready to get fully emotionally attached to another women yet, although I have met a nice girl that understands but I only really seek friendship at this point in time as things are still raw and there is much to do such as being a great and stable father to my kids, selling my house and moving on. All this said I quickly went to see my GP not long after the split knowing that if I was going to find a long term solution I needed a referral to see a Uro. Because I have had venous surgery and a record as long as your arm including prescriptions for Cialis and Viagra I had no issues getting this, albeit the NHS in the UK don’t move fast , hence my haste in seeing my doctor. My first appointment on October 6th yielded Caverject injection trials and I was given needles to try at home. Using the strongest 40mg injections I can get somewhat of a permanent semi; however this is a bit worrying at 37 as some guys that have tried this end up in A&E with a dangerous 4 hour full on erection that needs taking down with blocking drugs before any permanent damage sets in. This said I haven’t given up yet and will try applying these injections after taking Cialis. This is not how I want to be though reliant on expensive drugs and cumbersome injections in the dating world.
You say you have a venous leak and the pump and ring appeared to help? I haven’t tried this myself as I feel this only works in a long standing relationship like you have with your good wife. Reaching for the pump with someone new wouldn’t work in my personal view, this said again as a man fixated on the implant final solution I have heard that regular pumping prior to surgery can help maintain length? Were you aware or even advised on this by your Uro?
I always knew that my ED would get worse as time went by, I also knew that having a venous leak which has already been treated relatively unsuccessfully with venous surgery that the implant was the only option I had left. I hoped to stretch this out for at least another 5-6 years to let my older two get to the end of school, this has now unexpectedly been brought forward due to my spilt, although maybe this was meant to be and if things go well I could well have the sex life I was robbed of in my late teens and early twenties lol!
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared and your brush with infection proves there are risks, albeit you must feel one lucky guy for escaping not having it removed! All in all I think the larger majority of guys are happy that they went bionic and horror stories are I would hope are in the minority, would you agree with this?
Like Danny I am pleased I have found this site and thread. Talking with guys of experience like yourself gives me great comfort that I’m not the only one and there is always hope.
I will defiantly continue to consult your knowledge going forward
Gollam