My story..

[mickjrogers]

If you are looking for a psychotherapist who is an expert on ED, I recommend checking out the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT: http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp )

Most therapists get a snippit of training in any sex therapy. AASECT certified therapists have extensive extra training and clinical supervision post graduate school. There should be a lot in So Cal.

Also, I recommend working with a clinical social worker.

[Muz061]

Thanks for the affirming words LJ. I feel really for this young man. The pressure of the media's magnification of "SEX" must me really intimidating growing up in the 2010s. The 70s and 80s were "free love" times but we often had our hand smacked if it got near a breast never mind further south! Now many women are believing the latest dream that they can control and manipulate and be the aggressor - it must be tough for a young guy expected to "perform" on demand like a bloody circus seal!

Without pushing the Christian viewpoint, there's a lot to be said for their recommendation for sex and marriage. Two people get to know one another outside of the pressures of sexual performance. They take time to discover the other person and from that often learn plenty about themselves. Even in my 50s I am learning from the women I am getting to know. I have been single for 10 years and the prostate thing came at a bad time as I had just finished solo dad duties and was hot for a new relationship - damn! So then I had to take stock of ED and finding a new partner - hopefully one for life. Having found trimix works I can have confidence that ED won't be the issue, but the practicalities of having to needle up may be!

So maybe in some ways I have insights which are relevant to Ian. However all us older and wiser guys can understand his mindset, while, I think, being able to view it more clearly than Ian who is in the middle of a nightmare and thinks his future is bleak. What he is struggling to see IMO is that healing his mind/growing up emotionally will pay far bigger dividends for his future than getting the wood he is desperate for. It's cart before the horse Ian, if you are still here, because one day you will be able to look back and wince at the phase you found yourself in. The growth exercises and lessons you do on yourself will be what makes you attractive to a real woman who isn't looking for a porn star.

Take care of your soul, put good stuff in and good will come out. Think negatively and you will spiral inward.

Muz

[edmustgo]

Muz,

Thanks so much for your kind words. What you have described is exactly how I feel - like a nail on the head. The way I rationalize it is that I honestly could care less about sex at this point - I just don't want to be alone in the long run. This problem was mended in my previous relationship around 80% and once the relationship/engagement fell through...I completely lost confidence in everything. It is horribly depressing. I'm 22 and spend most of my days/nights on the couch, because it's so bad I almost don't want to go out anymore. I'm afraid to make friends or relationships with girls because of what might/will happen...I've become timid and shy...like that "guy" who sits on the couch at parties.

I'd do anything to figure out this problem once and for all..but it's so damn hard to do when you don't have any partners and you have to find them first, lol. There's always Tijuana (haha) but then you have to put a condom on too...oh wait, MOST girls want you to use a condom...yet another barrier that seems so small but is really much more than that :/

I have to say I couldn't agree more about sex and marriage...although it is likely I am only saying that because of my case of ED. Definitely works if trying to form a meaningful relationship though...which I am. In fact, I registered on a Christian dating website actually HOPING to find girls that did not want to have sex before marriage. It was fool proof! I thought I stumbled upon gold... and to my dismay, I only saw 1-2 girls on the site talking about no sex before marriage.

Do you have any ways in which you "healed your mind/grew up emotionally?" that you can share with me? At this point I will do whatever it takes. Like you said I'm so desperate to solve this problem I want a damn implant. It seems so rash and crazy but in my mind it's a dream. Erection on demand, remains hard after ejaculation...takes care of both my ED and PE at the same time.

Also, how do you truly feel about the Trimix injections? I could see myself giving it a whirl as weird/painful as it might be but the whole concept of carrying around needles is kind of stunning. It'd be nice if they had a little quick-shot device like a gun that you could just touch your penis with and inject it instead of having to go through all the hassle of playing "doctor".

[Muz061]

Ian,

I am not a trained psychologist but have grown through a series of life experiences, aided by a bit of counselling and lots of books. Today I have a degree of ED which makes medication necessary if I am to successfully have intercourse.

In my distant past I suffered from temporary and periodic ED and PE which were of a mostly psychological origin. I knew that it was psychological and the more aware of it I became, the more it became a problem. Much of this comes from pressure of performance. As I said in an earlier post, I feel sorry for the latest generation of guy because of 2 factors which have IMHO got worse since I was 22;

The media now portrays sex as mandatory for normality and choosing abstaining is ridiculed.

Women have now become "empowered" in western culture to be sexual aggressors, not to mention a whole lot of other previously male dominated behaviour patterns such as alcohol abuse and dangerous behaviour like reckless driving.

Against this background the more sensitive and maybe introspective young man who is still "finding his feet" in life, struggles to deal with the sort of demands that society and the aggressive female model, places on him. In addition young people will lie to cover up their virginity, relationship difficulties etc in a display of bravado that masks their feelings of inadequacy but actually compounds the dilemma. They make other young guys feel like they don't match up, while feeling the same about it themselves - "everyone else is doing it, what's wrong with me?"

If some kind of survey were able to be done which could compare what <25 year old men/boys say their sexual experience was versus what their actual experience was it would be about 2:1 I think. So your perceived problem may not be as bad as you think, doesn't solve it I know, but suddenly if you read into it, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I would be happy to email you in private if that would be an encouragement and prevented you from making an unwise and premature decision that you regretted later.

Blessings,

Muz

[Muz061]

Ian,

With regards your question on trimix injections - they are very powerful and will overcome most forms of ED, if I am not mistaken. I have gone from not being able to have a satisfactory erection with full strength Viagra to now being nearly ready to go with a blue pill - after 2-3 months of the injections. They are rehabilitative for some forms of ED. I feel lucky and excited about the future. Maybe they could provide some sense of confidence for you with your fear of failure, especially if they bring the oral medications - Viagra, Cialis - into play as in my case. There is an issue with injections - that of needing a supportive partner who is understanding that medication isn't a slight on her attractiveness, or your "masculinity". That could be a hurdle for you if relying on the injections at the time of sex. "Casual" sex really has it's down sides and it is, IMO, one of western society's downfalls.

I still maintain you should work on yourself. If you wish to discuss in private you could email me in confidence.

Best wishes for a brighter future.

Muz