Want to make things work for my wife

[sleeptheclockaround]

Hi Jim,

I appreciate your words on the "new normal." That is a good way of looking at it.

The ED drugs on alldaychemist--are they actually the same compounds as the brand name? I have heard it can be dicey taking pills off those sites.

As for the legal stuff regarding the assault, it was already reported and he was already sentenced. Now it is a matter of putting my life and my sexuality together.

My wife and I definitely have an enduring love for one another. I don't doubt that she really loves me and would do anything for me, as I would do anything for her. But that unconditional love and sexual attraction are two different things. I took 20 mg of Cialis Saturday night and praise God, my body did respond to it at least somewhat. I thought I would try to just lie down with my wife and try to cuddle and I definitely started feeling the arousal and pleasure. My penis got firm but not really erect. If I was going to try to have sex, I would be too soft to get inside her, but at the same time it was pleasurable and at least calmed my fear that my body isn't capable of feeling pleasure anymore. It is also comforting to know that I am not completely broken down there... at the same times I'm kind of uneasy because it wasn't exactly a success either.

[3mtrship]

I beg to differ with you. It was a success.
I am going to go copy one of my previous posts for you to read. Maybe it will tell you more.
Here goes: Below is what we did and it worked. Here is what we did to start things again:

We sat down and talked first. We then got sheets of paper for each of us. We promised to put any and every thing that we were willing to look at again on the paper. We pledged to be honest and take risk. We admitted we had slowly allowed our sex lives to become plain vanilla, safe, NORMAL. We admitted there were things we wanted to look at again. We admitted we did NOT want to go our own ways apart. We admitted we did NOT know how to do this.

We look back on that now and laugh. Because we both thought at the time that we could guess what the other would put on the paper. We were both wrong and the truth was a mutual surprise. We both had suppressed sexual urges for the sake of the family or for the kids and never revealed our frustrations.

We decided to meet and talk again in a week. She told me in no uncertain terms that we each had many senses and at least several holes. All options were on this table. Sight could involve, clothes, costumes, videos, stories, lighting....... Sounds might involve music, background sounds, noises we make while together or words used during........ Where were we willing to touch or be touched, neck, ass, rectum, penis, pussy, ear, nose, tit, stomach, legs, feet....... Taste. Where were we wiling to place our face, tongue, nose or hand........ Smell might involve a skin care product I did not like to be exchanged for something different or sweat or........ Where were we to have all this take place....Toys for us both..........

We pledged to be kind and go easy with no other goal then trying to bring brief pleasure where little existed as we started. We pledged to try and please the other with the balance or focus shifting back and forth. Everything did not work. So if something did not work that item or technique went away forever. Some things worked OK and we will use occasionally. Some things worked well and we will use more often. This gave us a range of new things from which to draw sexual pleasure.

We bathed, oiled and rubbed and did it again to clean up after some of the stuff we tried. Don't misunderstand we were not kids again but I gotta tell ya, I have never smelled or felt better in my life.

We found our "NEW NORMAL" after cancer. I had almost allowed my love life and the love of my life to go away because I was so afraid to be vulnerable again and run the risk of my mate telling me no. I allowed for her to tell me no but she also said yes often enough to please me and I her. She had changed in some sexual ways over our years together and never said a word. She now admits she carried part of the burden for things becoming plain.

Are we the same as we were? NO! Are we better then we were? NO! Are we OK now? YES! And does she still love me after ED? YES! Do I still have ED? NO! It slowly went away because of how we handled our sex lives.

We have to work harder at sex now but it still is better then NO SEX.

[3mtrship]

Pete,
You asked "The ED drugs on alldaychemist--are they actually the same compounds as the brand name? I have heard it can be dicey taking pills off those sites."

I'm a carpenter, how do I know, but I knew this before I bought any. I went to Healing Well ( http://www.healingwell.com/) and researched ADC carefully. Most all people had a good experience with them. I understand a few years ago there were some credit card issues but those have disappeared and things are running smooth.
Next, My physical reaction to the two drugs they have (Note: They do NOT sell Cialis in the USA) is normal in all ways. Are the formula the same? I don't know. Are they similar? YES if you measure my reaction.

Next, at the low price of these drugs think of them as penis maintenance drugs. Your penis is a muscle and needs a regular supply of fresh blood to keep the tissues alive and well. So go get a little jar of “coconut butter” at WalMart and start exercising that thing. In fact put a rubber sheet back on your bed for while until you and her have overcome some sexual issues together. Success for us started when she began using my penis for her pleasure. First we would have a meal. Then bathe. Then nude skin care and maybe I would comb her hair with a brush while sitting behind her. Eventually the brush would be set down and I would begin to touch and feel her all the time telling her how she feels to me, how she smells to me and how she tastes to me. Describe what parts are warm and what parts are cool. Tell her where you want to put your face…tongue…nose and why. Ask her to use your penis for her pleasure and not to hold back or wait for you. Ask her if you can help and do it. Help her build to a peak and go over. Maybe more them once.

If your successful your laundry bill will go up a little with more sheets and towels to wash than ever before but who cares.

Kind Regards, Jim

[3mtrship]

Dear sleeptheclockaround,

Physical, Emotional and Sexuality issues make our relationship recoveries difficult. This BB demonstrates that if you read very far back into our history.

The following resources are free and meant for all. These are partial Google books with enough pages showing to raise many eye brows about some of the related issues.

I will bet anybody here that no one can read all of the information available without learning a new trick or treat that will add to or improve your sex life. And I mean both of you and in whatever type relationship you might find yourself.

So have it gang and let us know how you both feel after you read and put in to practice a few new things.

Feedback is always welcome, Jim

1. http://tiny.cc/gyff6
2. http://tiny.cc/mtisu
3. http://tiny.cc/vd5q0
4. http://tiny.cc/nwqhh
5. http://tiny.cc/hice6
6. http://tiny.cc/bzhnd
7. http://tiny.cc/k6qe9
8. http://tiny.cc/l9rt2
9. http://tiny.cc/rs8ta
10. http://tiny.cc/59gi8

[3mtrship]

anothernight

What great news. Your comment revels the basic truth of our human condition as men. A hard cock "makes the day worthwhile." Your experience that day sure does remind me of in my case that "yellow bikini" I told you about. Nerves are hooking back up and there may be a new "sexual normal" in you ‘alls future WITHOUT IPP. You both can now take the next step and try to figure out how to phrase the invitation to invite him back often enough. The nice thing about this recent turn of events is that no options have disappeared for resolution of the challenge you both face. You have come to the realization that sex will now require more work to achieve and a proactive approach is required.

As I recall you maintained penis health up till now and of course that should continue and may have encouraged your recent spontaneous erection. You must be present to play in the sex game so get in the "sex boat" and go rowing. It is not easy to tell where this effort will lead you both but I sure hope you have the courage to explore the possibilities.

Remember you both have 5 senses and good minds, use them. Any sense can trigger sex and intercourse in not always necessary to give and receive love.
If you had a "sexual normal" before your surgery it went out the window after. You must now seek and will find a new "sexual normal."
Congratulations Brother and "Welcome Back."
Kind Regards, Jim

[anothernight]

Most amazing: the change in my wife. I had no idea that this would be so positive to her. I know you all are pulling for me(eeeuuuuwww gross) even though we don't get to talk as much as I would like. Paul I will call and I will get in touch with you all when I travel. My job is murdering me right now(good to have work) and I have some surgery to get through late next week so that will give me time to call and write to all of you who are so helpful. You know who you are. See you in chat.

[sleeptheclockaround]

I figured I would just use my old thread rather than say the same thing over and over

I am back after over 2 years when I started looking into ED therapy

I struggle a lot with going to the urologist and physical touch and have chickened out of trying injections a lot of times.

Cialis helps but erections aren't hard enough to penetrate

Mt wife really wants to try to have more kids and also just be physically intimate more often.

while she is understanding if his painful this is.. I feel some pressure to get things working. I don't want to let her down this time

I have used a vacuum pump. It feels good for awhile but eventually the ring around my penis hurts and I don't really enjoy sex with it. He recommend a viberect and said to use it daily

I was supposed to try injections but I feel weird about it.

[dtwarren1942]

I am a diabetic (20 years) and have developed severe ED. 150 mg of Viagra does very little for me. I often use a VED w/ Osbon band but find it frustrating because my penis starts to loose sensitivity after ten minutes. The only thing that allows me to enjoy prolonged sex is a Trimix injection. This morning I enjoyed lazy sex, including penetration, for well over an hour.

The injection really isn't that painful.