My Journal

[DNQ231]

Seems there are questions here on FT from young guys about shortcomings of an implant and that some of the younger guys don’t think older men can relate to their questions, concerns because of different life style and different activities. Working out, contact sports, dating, different sex habits, travelling, different clothes, and you name it.

Guys. When you are in your twenties you may think someone my age is old enough ready to go jump off a cliff to end the misery.
But I can tell you, I am not. I had exactly the same questions as you do, I had difficulties to relate to the stories of people in their sixties and seventies. I made myself a couple of enemies from the old boys when I raised my concerns. Read this thread (“My Journal”). I’d recommend you to read all of it, but if you’re too lazy to bother, then at least read my post “12 weeks post op update” about this issue on page 28 just to get an idea of what I mean.

I wrote that post 12 weeks after surgery. Now it’s been 28 months. Just to make it clear, in my case, I am not at all restricted by the implant when it comes to physical activity. Including squats, as I will further elaborate on in this post. But at that time, 3 months post op, I was. And that was my reality when I wrote it.

I thought, just like I guess you guys do, that all comments here on FT where only praising implants and that there was an unbalanced view given. There were posts saying they had been fucking the same woman for a year and she hadn’t noticed his implant. Well, then that old man didn’t have sex the way I do and in the places I do. Quite difficult to excuse yourself and go into the WC to pump up your dick when you are in a car for example..? They recommended to just tell women straight up that you are implanted. Well, maybe that’s not the way to go when you are 22 and about to have sex with a 21 year old girl in your college. There were posts praising the implant and they couldn’t be happier. But their angle when erect was closer to vertical (down that is) than horizontal. They needed cock rings, they had lost sensitivity and they struggled to orgasm. They had lost length and their pump was sitting high up in the front reducing the effective length of their dicks for penetration. They said working out was no problem when their workout regime consisted of 3 sets of 15 with pink 5 lbs dumbells.
But they sang the praise of the implant.

I think they were wrong. But maybe more importantly, they were right as well.
Wrong because they took their life style, sex habits, workouts and their standards and expectations and applied it on me. And assumed that because it worked good enough for them, it would work good enough for me.
But they were right as well. Right because none of that does really matter in the end.
If your dick works and your sexual performance is good enough, then of course you shouldn’t get an implant. If that is not the case, if your dick sucks, if you can’t have sex the way you should, and it destroys your life, then does it matter what angle your implanted dick will be? Or if you can no longer can do 8 hours of biking in one day?
“Oh, shit, I cannot do my marathon biking anymore. That is much more important to me than having sex. Then I’ll skip the implant, live without sex for the coming 60 years and keep riding my bike” ???
“What? My angle will be 4 o’clock. Fuck the implant. Then I prefer having my 2 o’clock angle for 1 minute while jerking off like a madman to keep it up, and then see it go down before I even penetrated. That’s much better.” ???

What I mean is that sometimes people seem to turn minor issues into dealbreakers. I hear that when people from FT contacts me and I talk to them on the phone. They ask dozens of questions, making it sound like their decision to get implanted is depending on the answer. Questions such as how long time it takes to pump up. If they can pump up unseen while giving oral sex. If they can pump up their dick to full erection and keep it in their jeans all night. If it is possible to get oral sex without the girl feeling the implant. If their dicks will be perfectly round or slightly oval. If their flaccid will be as soft as today.
That’s all interesting information, and that’s all things I wanted to know as well.
But if you think about it, how can any of that be a dealbreaker?
So let us say you cannot pump up discretely while giving oral (which actually in reality can be done), then what is most embarrassing to you?
Bring a girl home, get her home, in bed, getting some oral, and then when it is time for penetration your VL dick goes soft as a piece of string and the girl puts her string underwear back on and goes home.
So that is better than being forced to excuse yourself, go take a piss, pump your dick up to a super erection in 60 seconds, get out of the bathroom and fuck the shit out of her for 2 hours in any position you could ever think of?
In other words, what does it matter if you can pump discretely or not? It may be a bonus if you can, but it can never be the dealbreaker. You are (or should) get implanted because your dick doesn’t work, not because you want an upgrade of your already functional dick.
Even if it took me 5 minutes to pump, my dick was oval and I could never more work out heavy in the gym, I’d still prefer being implanted and having great sex over being impotent and never knowing if my dick will manage 3 minutes of crap sex before it goes down.
And the oval thing. So you don’t get implanted because your dick might get slightly oval? So a limp dick and no sex is better than a rock hard slightly oval dick? Again, put things in perspective. If your round dick works great today, then of course, don’t get implanted. But if it is an unreliable piece of shit which lets you down every second time you want to fuck, then maybe the ovality is a price worth paying to get it fixed?

But, the good news then, is that most of the issues I saw questioned lately are no issues.
The working out thing is definitely a non issue.
I have been working out all my life, and I mean lifting some decent weights. Maybe you are stronger than me, but I am pretty sure that if my implant lets me do what I do with the weights I use, it won’t put any restrictions on weight lifted for anybody.
I regularly deadlift 180 kg (400 lbs) for 4-6 reps. I squat 130 kg (290 lbs) for 15 reps. Reason I keep weight low and reps high on squats is not my implant, rather my knees. I do weighted chins at a bodyweight of 92 kg (205 lbs) with 30 kg (67 lbs) added weight for 5 sets of 5 reps. I do dips with 35 kg (78 lbs) added weight for 5x5. I do bent over barbell rows with 100 kg (222 lbs) for 5x5. Overhead presses with 60 kg (133 lbs) for 5x5. If I occasionally do sitting dumbbell presses for shoulders, I use 40 kg (90 lbs) dumbells, i.e. totally 80 kg (180 lbs). I do leg presses with 6 plates on each side (totally 240 kg, 533 lbs) for 20 reps.
And the only reason I post these detailed data on my lifting is for people who are really in to lifting can make their own judgement of what it means I say “I lift weights”. Here it is, the exact weights and exercises I regularly do.
I think this is evidence that a properly installed implant will let you work out as hard and heavy as your physique allows you to.
I play competitive club level tennis at NTRP level 5.5.
I do boxing once per week.
I never do cycling, but that’s not because of my implant, it’s because I hate it.
For cardio I either do the rowing machine or I use a stationary bike in the gym, standing up and doing hard interval workouts. I don’t stand up because my implant forces me. I stand up because it is harder work that way.

I did play soccer all my life till I was about 27 when I quit. I don’t really see a problem with an implant and soccer. Of course, it is a sport where you don’t wear any protection in the groin area. Getting kicked or getting a ball on your balls will always hurt like hell. I think it would hurt like two hells with an implant, but that risk wouldn’t stop me. It may be an individual thing, but I am more sensitive down there now than before. Not the balls, the pump does not make me more prone to get my balls jammed. But my shaft is sensitive in a way it wasn’t before implant. I feel it most often when I play with my daughter. If we’re in the pool and she is climbing all over me, I am lifting her, tossing her etc, it happens now and then I get an accidental kick. And that hurts more than it did pre-implant. But again, so what? What is the option? Avoid a little pain once in a while and not being able to have sex?

My flaccid, as I have described and even put photos of in in this thread, is not an issue. Two recent pics are at the end of this post. Sure, it is larger than most men’s flaccids, and larger than many men’s erections. But it hangs straight down at 5:30 and it is soft and pliable enough for me to bunch it any way I want in my underwear. I may be 40 plus, but I wear tight skinny jeans when going out, I wear tight slim fit suit pants for work, I wear tight street shorts for leisure and I spend all weekends long at the beach, by my condo pool or at various beach clubs. Always in normal fashionable swim shorts. Never have I been embarrassed about my flaccid. Even though it is big, it is too soft to draw attention. However, if attention is what I want, I can easily make it very visible by giving it 5-10 pumps…
There are pics in earlier posts in this thread of whan my flaccid looks like in underwear and In tight street shorts.

I may be married, but living the life I do, as a European expat in Asia travelling all the time and spending >100 nights per year in hotels, opportunities are all around you all the time. This has been my life for more than 10 years. I am not proud of it, but I know very well what an implant is like when having a one night stand. With women any age from 20 to 50.
Most women don’t notice, or at least don’t say anything. Some do, but when being told not to worry about it, that I had an accident a few years ago needing surgery, nobody asks any more.
The critical point is normally the blowjob. If she thoroughly works my scrotum with her hand (or mouth) then chances are very slim she will not feel the pump. But if not touching the scrotum, odds are inverted. There is basically no way she can notice it.
The pump issue I normally solve by just doing it in the shower or in the WC. I either just walk out with my dick erect and get down to business immediately, or I just cover myself with a towel, start making out with her and from there on it all seems quite natural.
All of them think I am a superman in bed. Which is quite easy to be when imagination and your partner are the only things limiting what you can do.

My sex life with my wife is the best we have had for our 20 years together. She used to orgasm maybe 3-4 times out of 10 before implant. And then usually at my expense. If I gave her oral long enough to come, I had normally blown my chances to last long enough after penetration for me to come. If I fucked her in a way that makes it easy for her to come, normally grinding (against her clit) more than fucking, it wouldn’t be enough friction for me and I’d go down before I could orgasm.
Now, I either maker her come first, or I come first and just keep going till she comes. It barely ever happens anymore that we don’t both have orgasm.
And speaking of women noticing, my wife’s firm opinion is that she will notice immediately if she works an implanted scrotum, touching, massaging, sucking my balls. But if not doing that, then she does not think she would notice. She would not find it strange if a man went in to take a shower before sex and came out already hard. She would probably just think he was really turned on.
On the other hand, before I got implanted, she didn’t even know an implant existed. So whatever she feels in the scrotum, she would not know it was an implant. Just knowing there is some sort of foreign body in there.

Of course, another problem arises if you are in a place where there is nowhere to “hide” to do your pumping. So let’s say you are in the shower. Your girl surprises you and joins you in the shower. She kneels in front of you and starts working on your dick…
Or you are driving, your girl asks you to pull over. You do, she and starts unzipping your pants…
That’s why I mean that for casual sex where you are in control of the situation, it is possible and quite easy to get away without her noticing. But in the long run it won’t work unless you are going to take strange measures (jumping out of the car, taking a piss, and jump back in the car with a hard dick?) and avoid a lot of spontaneous sex. And having spontaneous sex was a reason to get an implant in the first place…
Always using the taking a piss excuse will work everytime as long as you do it with a new partner every time. But when you have used that excuse 20 times with the same girl every time she wants to surprise you with spontaneous sex…

Long post.
But I hope some of you young guys can relate to what I write and find this post helpful in your decision making.

Finally, I must say again that there is a difference between being implanted and being implanted. If the doc you choose performs a shitty job, you’re in for something very different from a perfect result. Pick your doc with the utmost care.
Think of it like if you had a five year old child who needed heart surgery. Would you just walk in to the local hospital and let them appoint any cardiac surgeon to you? Thinking that “he/she is a trained surgeon, why would I not trust him/her?”
Or would you do your research, finding out the experience of the surgeon, asking him tons of questions to get a feeling for if you trust him? Would you look for the best one you could possible find, even if you had to pay some yourself, if you had to travel, take longer time off from work, or whatever the fuck the downside would be?
Would’t you do all you possibly could to maximize the chances of your child surviving the surgery and live his/her life without any future negative consequences in his/her life?
If you would, then why wouldn’t you when you having surgery to your only dick?
I travelled literally around the world to do my surgery with the doc I thought would give me the best possible chances of a successful outcome. From SE Asia to USA. I paid it all myself, including business class tickets and what turned out to be 3 weeks in a Manhattan hotel. Cost me a fair bit of money, but the reward was a perfect result.
Apparently most people do go to their local surgeon, and there are guys here who get pissed off when I recommend people to go to the best doc they can possibly find. They ask me “Why do you think there are only a few surgeons on the planet good enough to do this surgery?” What I just wrote here is the base of my advice to find the best doc you can. It is about maximizing your chances of a perfect outcome. About minimizing chances for a crappy outcome. Why then would you not want any random doc to have surgery on your daughter’s heart? And of course, the better the doc, the better the chances. And of course, not all docs are equally skilled and experienced. Not all cardiac surgeons and not all implant surgeons. There are better ones and worse ones. There are experienced ones and there are those at the other end of the scale. Fact.
My money is on Eid being the best one on the planet. But my advice is just to find the best one you can, the one you think gives you the best chances of a perfect outcome. The least chances of a crappy result.

Having ED in your twenties sucks. I know. I had.
Knowing what I know now when I was 20, would I have got implanted at 20?
I probably wouldn’t because the retarded docs would have continued to hammer into my head that it was psychological. You are young, there is nothing physically wrong with you. Yeah right. But if I had met the right doc and if I had clearly known that my ED would never disappear. Then yes, I would have gone for the implant. It would have saved me from so many moments of feeling like shit, and it would have made me taking so many opportunities I never took. And it would have given me so much good sex when it is supposed to be at its best.
Sure, it would have been awkward to fuck a girl in my sphere of friends, someone who was in my group of people hanging out together at university for example. If she noticed the implant, there would be a fair chance everybody would know. But again, what is really worse? That everybody knows you don’t get your dick up, that you pass on all opportunities of sex to avoid embarrassment, or that everybody knows you are implanted but can outfuck any pornstar on the planet?
It’s got to be the latter. Being implanted comes with a few drawbacks, but they all fade in comparison to being a poor impotent bastard who can’t have sex.

Great post. Thank you very much. You addressed my exact concern of 'weight lifting' being slung about without specific detail. It could mean carrying shopping for all I know. I can't wait to get back into intense lifting. I go heavy with everything but dead lifts - I pussy out about them because of an injury I had a while back, and find I can get the results I want without them. I imagine deadlifts and squats to be things that apply the most pressure to the implant, so if you can do those weights with those exercises without trouble, I guess I should be fine.

[Larry10625]

Problems at this stage:

* Still having pain when inflating to max. Maximum inflation for me is 25-30 pumps. First ~20 pumps will be complete wall-to-wall pumps, and thereafter the bulb can be less and less squeezed for every pump. The last pump will barely do anything. After 10 pumps dick will point at 3:30. After 20 it basically looks and points (2:30) like fully inflated, just not being as hard.
Pain sets in after around 15-20 pumps. Both in tip and ass, i.e. in both ends. Tip pain is only there when inflating without arousal. with arousal and glans engorgement there is no pain in tip. Pain in ass is not nice but manageable. I always used to pump up to max for sex despite the pain, and it is no showstopper. More a worry for oversizing.

* Still get a bit sore in the left groin after long/hard sex. Guess it is as simple as that the tubing to the reservoir gets pushed around with every deep, forceful thrust. No big issue though, since it goes away after a few hours and it is no strong pain, just feeling some slight soreness. Wife is super-fit and has no extra padding either...

* Another problem: Have stayed off heavy stuff in the gym till now. 11 weeks. Have done dips, chins, curls, presses, leg extensions since week 7, and can push to the max on those with heavy weights without issues. Tried deadlifts for first time today. Warmed up extremely gently with the barbell only. No problem. Put on the belt and took next warmup set at 135 lbs kg. Didn't work. Felt like the belt in combination with the intra-abdominal pressure pushed the reservoir. I could feel something 'clicking' or moving with the first two reps. Gave up immediately. Still stuck with the target of being able to do proper heavy deadlifts and squats in the summer, i.e. roughly six months post op. But it feels like quite a long way to go to get back to the 5*5 of 400+ lbs deadlifts...

* Have had no problem at all to orgasm any time when having sex till a few days ago. Did for some reason try to take 50 mg Viagra before sex that time (had never done that till then after implant). Felt no difference in any positive way, and maybe that was the reason I couldn't come, but that sounds weird as well.

Good things:

* Having no other issue basically than the pain at max inflation. And that is good...

* Had sex again yesterday, and no problem at all again to orgasm. Think that one session without orgasm was a one-off...

* Tried to inflate a bit less for sex to see if I could find a level without ass-pain but still have good sex. Worked wonders. Pumped around 20 pumps. No pain in neither end, and hard enough. Actually it felt better in some way with an 80% inflation than a 100%. Felt more natural. A full inflation really feels like having a baseball bat. The feeling is like I could smash the dick in a hard surface and it would make a knocking sound like metal to wood. The dick when fully inflated is basically not giving in a single millimeter when squeezed. It feels sort of like it is only skin over a rock hard material. Which it is... Pumping a bit less makes the dick feeling more natural as it gives a few mm when being squeezed and it can bend slightly inside a vagina, which again makes it feel more natural. And to be honest, I felt more pleasure as well. Don't know why, but felt like my glans was more sensitive this way. The skin on the scrotum and penis is very vascular and full of tiny nerves. When you pump to the max you are choking off some blood vessels and nerves and you are not getting the full feeling. By backing off just a bit, you get the advantages of fully pumped but also use of the smaller (more sensitive) nerves and you get more blood to the penis. Many people don't realize that when we get implanted, although we can't get a full erection we still get sensation... remember when you were a teeny bopper in bed with a semi and you would get your dick to dance by flexing... ? well that's about how we get after the implant

Larry

Asked wife afterwards how she felt. Did it feel noticeable smaller (thinner)? I had told her before I would not pump to max and that she should be prepared for a thinner and softer dick than what she's had lately. Her reply was that she thought I had abandoned my plan and went for a full inflation anyway. She felt no difference in size or hardness. Strange, but she wouldn't lie.
She did however feel a difference in size after I came. When fully inflated she feels no difference on size before or after I come. Now she did. I am no doctor, but my guess is the explanation is that whatever size gain I get from the spongiosum drowns in the fully inflated size, so that even when the spongiosum goes soft after orgasm, there is no noticeable difference. But with a less than maximum full cavernosa (i.e. cylinders) the loss of spongiosum fullness is noticeable. Who knows. Both of us were happy with the 80% inflation anyway. No difference for the wife and more feeling and no pain for me.

What else?
Can add that I am still working on the mental issue of this. I am well on my way, but still feel a bit weird having an implant in my dick and having to pump it before sex. I am getting more and more used to it, and I am already sure it will be 100% (well 99%) ok within soon.

I am also more and more happy about the whole thing as time goes by. Only issue left now is the ass pain when pumping max. I see three outcomes. One bad, one good, one ok.
The good one: It will disappear over time.
The ok one: It will stay like this, and I just pump a bit less than full.
The bad one: I am oversized and erosion is bound to happen.
Can just wait and see.
The reason of the pain is obviously the very, very aggressive sizing by Dr. Eid. He told me he was right on the border for what I could take. I am still happy he did his utmost to maximize size. Not because of size per se, but because I have the cylinders so well up in the glans so that my dick feels just perfect when having sex. And the tips cannot, as I said above, be felt when aroused and glans is engorged with blood. Not even when squeezing it with my fingers. When flaccid though, the tips are very noticeably felt with fingers. High up in the glans. I tried to measure. No exact science with 100% reliability, but my estimation is my engorged glans is 4 cm long, and the cylinders to 3 cm into the glans.

Anyway, the sex is great and I am glad I did this. It is just so fucking great to fuck without worrying over the dick going soft. Yesterday is a good example of what I am talking about. Bought the wife (one more) set of sexy underwear recently on one of my business trips. She wore it under her dress yesterday, and surprised me when we went to bed. She looks absolutely fantastic in it. Now I can take full opportunity, and she knows it has the right effect. Makes me horny as hell. But the difference is now I can make full use of it. In the old days, an occasion like this was what hurt the most of all the dick-going-soft-moments. It just becomes even more pathetic when the partner has made efforts with stockings, garters etc - and then the dick goes soft. That's just a pathetic feeling. In the end what happens is it is easy to just avoid situations like that. Avoid making something extra in terms of underwear, dirty talk, places or whatever. Rather fail in a regular league game than in the world cup final so to say...
Anyway, now all obstacles are cleared and we both know all will work great. Every time.

Hallelujah?

[Hawkman]

Merrix, feel free to delete this if you do not want it cluttering up your awesome journal. I fully understand and would somewhat agree that it should be in another topic.

I have been thinking over your idea that bending the penis down in your pants when deflated accounts at least in part to a decrease in the upward inflated angle. The more I think about it I think it does not. This may be just based on idiot logic because I have no medical or engineering degree. The problem with RTE's and especially with AMS that have smaller diameter RTE's is that as scar tissue forms a capsule around them. When you put the leverage of an inflated penis on the other end, it exerts downward force. As it does it stretches the scar tissue that formed around the base. The same is, of course, true with any movement to either side or upward. Finally, the base with The RTE's becomes like a fence post in a hole that is not snug. It wobbles and because of the length of the penis, any wobble of the base means a lot of range of motion at the glans end.

With no RTE's however, the deflated penis should exert no stretching pressure on the internal part of the chamber where the scar tissue forms around the base.
1. First, the cylinders are deflated so they are smaller than any scar capsule. When they are later inflated they would then fit snug within the scar capsule.
2. Second, The external part of the penis is also deflated so any bending should be absorbed by the external cylinders. This will result in a dogear (fold or bend) in the external cylinders. There is then no penis sticking straight out to exert leverage. Any leverage will be manifest in a bend of the external cylinders and not be transferred to the crus.

[merrix]

I agree with you Hawkman, in theory.
That's why I think it is, e.g. in my case with a 24 cm implant without RTEs, no problem to point it down today. Three years after surgery and with a flaccid that hangs easily straight down without any force needed.

However, that is me and that is now.
Most people have RTEs, which means that the joint between fixed and inflatable part is quite close to the dick.
If we assume the average guy has a 14 cm erect dick (5.5").
His implant tips end 1 cm from his penis tip.
So he will have 13 cm implant in his shaft.
The rule of thumb says 2/3 of implant in dick and 1/3 in crus.
So his total implant length will be 13/(2/3)=19.5.
Let us assume he got an 18 cm implant with 1.5 cm RTEs to get the total of 19.5 cm.
That will mean he has the standard 4.5 cm fixed part from his cylinders and then another 1.5 cm from the RTEs, for a total of 6 cm fixed part and 18-4.5=13.5 cm inflatable.

Since we established he has 13 cm in his dick, he must have only 13.5-13=0.5 cm of inflatable part inside him.
Meaning the fixed part of the implant ends just 0.5 cm from his shaft.
Hence I think my theory is valid. Of course, had the fixed part been all the way out to the shaft, the effect would have been even more pronounced, but this is not an on or off, 1 or 0, binary issue. It is a continuum. The closer to the shaft the fixed part enters, the worse the damage of forcing the shaft down in the early days (I think).

Plus, even if the fixed part reached till 0.5 cm from the shaft, it would probably not be an issue to force the flaccid down when everything is healed and when 100% deflation can be reached.
But in the early days, when despite the fact that we deflate, the dick points out at an angle, it means we either do not deflate properly, or the dick holds so much swelling and body fluids, or the cylinders are yet too stiff.
Anyway, the consequence is that since the shaft is not completely soft, it will also exert downforce on the muzzle of the crus when force bent downwards. It is stiff, right? To not exert force on the crus it would have to be totally soft. If soft it would hang right down by itself.

And my example was with 1.5 cm RTEs. Many have a lot more.

Finally, let me make it very clear that this is not to be taken as medical facts. This is my opinion. And based on it, my advice is still to not force the dick down before it is ready. Let your dick decide itself when it is ready to point down.
It will. Just give it time.

[Hawkman]

I agree with you Hawkman, in theory.

Since we established he has 13 cm in his dick, he must have only 13.5-13=0.5 cm of inflatable part inside him.
Meaning the fixed part of the implant ends just 0.5 cm from his shaft.

Excellent point Merrix. Like you, I have no RTE's and never thought about the math of the implant's fixed portion and RTE's filling the crus.

[merrix]

34 months (which is damn close to 3 years) post implant

I appreciate all of you commenting and showing your appreciation for this Journal. I have surely spent a lot of time on it, and I’m glad it helps someone.
Those of you who are kind enough to offer your opinion on what is missing, if anything, have told me it would be further describing my partner’s (or partners’ ?) feelings in respect to the implant.
Many also say the best part is my stories on the mental part of getting implanted. What it does to one’s mind.
So taking up that feedback, here goes…


To start from the beginning, I met my wife when we were in our mid-twenties. My problems were there already then. When we met I was still not using Viagra, never got proper help from any doc by then. So our sex was not the highest quality for sure. I could get it up basically every time, but sometimes needed help in the form of a blowjob. But could not always finish. It happened now and then that I either just had to quit or that I had to finish with a crazy pace with an almost flaccid dick.

We never really talked about it. I thought it was too embarassing, and so did she. She also told me years later that she thought I just didn’t get turned on by her. Which was completely wrong.
What kept me going was probably, as strange as it sounds, that I had been that way forever. I always had ED. So I hadn’t lost something like most of you have. Of course I knew things weren’t right, but I also didn’t know how bad it was. How often did ”normal” men fail? Never? Occasionally? Or every now and then? How long could ”normal” men keep it up? 10 minutes? 30? 60? 120? I didn’t know. So I lived in some optimistic hope that maybe my problems weren’t that bad after all, and that what I had was not good but not a disaster either. I was dead wrong of course, but didn’t know it till years later.

Years went by. We stuck together, got married, got kids, got ourselves a really good life. Kids doing great, my career went really well, we are doing great financially. We both stay very fit and from the outside everything probably looked as perfect as it gets.
It could maybe have stayed that way. But in 2015 I did the Sclerotherapy surgery. It helped tremendously at first. I got rock hard and stayed that way. My wife agreed the difference was huge.
So, full of confidence, believing my problems were behind me, I finally asked the crunch questions. What I have now, how is that compared to what you have experienced before you met me?
She said that things are great now. All is good. I didn’t want to let her get away that easy, and kept asking for the comparison. Finally she hesitantly said that this is all normal, just like her previous experiences.
OK, the logical following question then was how bad was it before? As a comparison, how often did she experience that any of her previous lovers (4-5 as far as I know, two of them longer relationships, up till she was 25, lovers in same age as her) failed?
Again, she didn’t want to answer, but I pushed her and said I really want to know.
So she told me. Never. Not even once. Their dicks just were ready when called upon and lasted till job completed. Boom. Right in the heart. And that’s when it occured to me how pathetically bad my ED actually was. What I had after the Sclerotherapy, which was so immensely much better than what it was before, was how a normal guy is every time. Smack.

Soon after, my Sclerotherapy effect started to wear off, I was reverting back to my shitty ED again. And then all of a sudden, I just couldn’t live with it anymore.
I had tasted for a few weeks what it was like to have great sex with a working dick, and I know what the benchmark was. I all of a sudden started to worry about my wife leaving me, or having an affair. She would for sure be a very desirable one night stand for any man. Mid forties, but with the body of a fitness model. I also got ideas in my head during sex that she didn’t really enjoy it. Which in part was true. As part of our discussion, I also forced her to compare her enjoyment of our sex with my dick immediately after Sclero and before. Miles difference according to her. Just more pleasurable when it is harder, fuller, thicker. Meaning indirectly that having sex with me in my ED condition was not as pleasurable as with her previous lovers…
I was smashed to the ground and couldn’t get this out of my head.

So in the fall of 2015, when the sclero effect was basically gone, except for my glans which kept getting very hard and full, I remembered what a friend of mine had told me a few years ago. That a friend of his had told him that he got implanted. My friend didn’t really understand the details, but told me that his friend had cylinders in his dick, a reservoir in his body and a pump in his body as well which he used to pump up his dick. I tried to hide how interested I was, and asked how it worked. My friend didn’t really know, he just knew it worked and that his friend was super happy with it.

Having found out about the Sclerotherapy via FT, and also found FT when searching for ED solutions, I recalled there was a thread about implants on FT. I started to read. And I started to spending hours every day researching implants on various web pages.

That’s when I started talking to my wife about it.
And as I said she was hesitant at first. She kept saying that it is not necessary, what we have works, and that she despite my issues loves me and thinks our sex is good. Don’t take any risk, what if it goes wrong, at least we have something that works now, etc, etc.
But I couldn’t stand it. The snow ball had started rolling in my head, and I needed to stop it.
I contacted Eid, Kramer and Perito. Eid got back to me immediately, I had the video consultation and he convinced me even more. I still remember my key question was whether my problems were bad enough to do the surgery, or if an implant was only for guys with much worse problems than me, guys who simply just could never get it up.
No, he said. You are a great candidate for an implant. At your age and your health you should easily be able to have sex for 30 minutes with a good quality erection.
Bang. Shot dead again.
I was confident in him and decided soon after to do it.
My wife kept being sceptical for a while. Mostly because of the risk I would be taking. Infection, poor results, what if sex will not feel good for you, don’t do it for me, I am happy with what we have, it is very expensive, etc, etc.
But there was no way back, and after a few weeks she accepted that I was going to do it no matter what. And by then, knowing me, she understood that there was really no turning back. Once I get something on my mind, I just can never let it go till I have fixed it for good. No matter what the effort and cost of fixing it is.
So I got an appointment to do it just a couple of months after the video consultation.

I remember the last time we had sex before I left for US and New York. I skipped the pills just to give us a true status report. How bad is it without pills? We hadn’t had sex without pills for probably 10 years, except for a few times right after the sclerotherapy.
Well, the answer was that it was fucking, horribly bad. My wife had to blow me forever to get it up. Then switching to her on her back as fast as possible and me hurrying to penetrate. I think we failed a few times before I finally could bunch it in. Then pounding off with a semi at a frantic pace till i came after a couple of minutes.
I remember I asked her if she had any doubts about going ahead with the surgery. She didn’t.

The implant story is already described in detail here.
So let’s jump to her reactions afterwards.
First time we had sex was first night we met after my surgery. Which was after three weeks. I had told her we should wait another couple of weeks, but of course I couldn’t wait.
She enjoyed it apparently and told me so as well. I didn’t feel physically great (still soreness), but I came easily and strongly and loved that she loved it.

As I have described here in detail before, both she and me have had mountains to climb in order to fully reset our minds and our sexual habits to make use of the implant. We were for a long time stuck in our old habits. Short foreplay, fast hard sex with focus on me coming, never twice, never spontaneously (didn’t work without the pills 30 mins before), and so on.
This took time to change.
For me, but also for her. She was so set on always doing anything to minimise the risk of my dick going down before I came. This of course showed very clearly that sex for her was not near s enjoyable as it should, since she never focused on herself and her pleasure.
I told her many times to start thinking of herself. I still do. I often tell her that nowadays I can do whatever the fuck you want. For as long as you want. Only limitation is our imagination. And maybe our flexibility and stamina…
This process has taken time though. In some way I think we are still learning to maximise the implant. We have probably completed 90% of that journey, but I wonder if we will ever reach the end of that process. Which is great actually, because that means we still have places to go and things to explore…

I have asked her many times what she feels about this, and she is 100% positive. She is super glad I did it. Mostly for me. But that is just the unselfish nature of my wife. She is open with the fact that she enjoys our sex a lot more now, but the main benefit according to her is that she knows I feel better. And she knows that if I didn’t do it, I would have gone crazy once I started to obsess about this issue.

I have asked her several times what she would think if I would have had the implant when I met her. How would she feel about it?
She says she thinks it would have been a bit awkward at that age. She thinks it would have been weird and probably a no-go if I had told her upfront before having sex. But only because she thinks she wouldn’t have really understood what it was. If she would have noticed during sex, which she thinks she would have done, she would probably not have asked because it would have felt awkward. But if I had told her afterwards, when she already had experienced how (well) it works, and how natural it feels, she would not have had any second thoughts about moving on with me.

I would never do, what I think is just weird, things like letting her pump it up. And she wouldn’t want to either. It took me a long time with even being comfortable inflating in front of her. Today I occasianally do, when the situation so requires, but most of the time I inflate in private before. Or while I give her oral. I always deflate in front of her. Sometimes while I am still inside her, or just right after I pull out or after I orgasm after a blowjob. But deflation can’t really be compared with inflating. Inflation takes me well over a minute. I nowadays to around 70 partial pumps for sex. That takes easily 1.5-2 minutes. Deflation is only one firm squeeze on the deflate valve. Can be done with one hand and takes 3 seconds.

Overall, both of us just thinks this is a great improvement of our sex lives. Maybe not a great improvement of our lives, since our lives were really good before as well. However, we both know that happiness was probably on borrowed time since my mind had already started to get fucked up because of the ED after the sclerotherapy results faded away and I had tasted what its should be like. So we are both pretty convinced that our lives right now are very much better than they would have been without the implant surgery.

Don’t know what else to tell from her perspective.
Feel free to ask right here if I/we can help.

Cheers.

[alibaba]

Thank you again Merrix. Cheers buddy. d

[rocco84]

Merrix your perfect! Absolutely!!! You are my hero! Best reviews on earth!

[strongagain]

Merrix your perfect! Absolutely!!! You are my hero! Best reviews on earth!

Well said, Merrix is by far the most valuable contributer to this forum. Thanks Merrix!

[Happy Toy]

Merrix, I can so identify with your story, although I / we did not have the problem till about 18 years ago. But they were the same. I would have no problem getting hard. Our foreplay did not include oral , she just didn't like it, so it was lots of hand play for each of us. But like you, Both of us felt an urgency to start intercourse a.s.a.p. or I would "loose" it.
Once I penetrated I was usually fine till climax. But slowly over a few months (we have sex about once a week), I started have problems ether getting hard or staying hard through intercourse. I started using Trimix and it worked great for about 11 years, then it started to fail me. Again it started to fail slowly but then got into my head that I WAS going to fail, and so I did.
It's all good now with my implant, soooo glad I got it done, and so is my wife. She was like your wife and said "don't do it for me", but I told her it was for BOTH of us!
Andy